As a result of online dating having a significant effect on the creation of both real and in-genuine relationships, members engage in practices that mould sexual identities and initiate a form of superficial or ‘liquid’ love.
Technological advancements have altered the initiative nature of potential relationships and marriages, an aspect of modern society said to increase the likelihood of ‘liquid love’, in an era where passion is more openly expressed, and partnerships are more likely to be brief (Bauman 2003). Numerous online dating services and games are available, many of which feature photos prominently. Individuals shape opinions based on their initial observations, which affects their responses to others. Through the integration of more bloggers on a regular basis, it is becoming increasingly clear that a picture really does utter a thousand words. Additionally, it has a mixed bag of benefits and drawbacks for users. Certain people invest a significant amount of time and money in online self-improvement in order to impress and become of notice to others.
When the metropolitan world progressed and civilization became increasingly technology dependent, pre-existing notions of affection were put to the test and altered. This is especially true now that online dating has become a worldwide phenomenon in contemporary culture, altering and adapting social activity trends. Academic journals attribute these changes to society’s increasing consumerism priorities, technical growth, and a greater sense of self-identity, both of which have affected the private sector in the western world (Stoicescu, 2020). This is a tactic employed by social networking sites to coerce users into disclosing personal information vital to their search for love, thus connecting individuals with common preferences and desires. Users can ‘sell themselves’ on these online dating sites by creating exclusive accounts and interacting with those that do the same. As a result, users may initiate instant messaging and express their interest in one another. In contemporary society, more than ever, the internet allows average people to easily explore and form even the most superficial forms of relationships, despite the fact that many of them reside thousands of miles away or have never met in person (Hobbs, 2017).
When popular culture has become more collaborative, cultural adaptations have culminated in a shift away from marriage, an improvement in public accountability, and an increase in social mobility. As a consequence of these trends, many people choose their careers over dating, resulting in a desire for something substantially more approachable in terms of intimacy. The internet, and to a lesser degree the smartphone, have resulted in a much wider range of systemic adaptations in both the private and public realms, most notably in personal life and the pursuit of intimacy (Hobbs, 2017). As individuals began to engage with a diverse array of potential partners through online dating platforms, partnerships became more open and self-aware. Tinder is one of the most common mobile dating apps in modern culture, since it links users with those that share their desires and reside within a specified radius. This is crucial in the modern era of liquid love, when study has shown that how people see themselves and their profile has a significant effect on how they are perceived, leading many to attempt to ‘sell’ themselves.
Web 2.0 has become a game changer in this shift towards more image-based communication, as it significantly expands the ordinary individual’s capacity to share information constantly and rapidly. By enabling customers to digitally reflect and enhance their personal looks, online dating platforms have altered consumers’ views about themselves and society. Users of online dating services believe that in order to win matches, they must be perfect and without flaws. Thus, it is a commonly held belief that the modern aim of a relationship is not to receive one’s hand in marriage, but to obtain gratification – most often via the discovery of one’s sexual preference. According to Bauman (2003), liquid love has been so pervasive in contemporary culture that it has normalised someone who is always loving and losing, resulting in frail friendship bonds and an increased sense of weakness in intimate relationships. This is particularly important of social and internet relationships, where alliances may be created and discarded at any time as a result of partners’ persistent lack of commitment. This is the element of sexuality that is believed to have arisen in popular culture, where people put a greater premium on their own uniqueness and mental or sexual needs than on those of others (Hua Sa, 2015). Thus, while contemporary society makes it relatively simple to maintain partnerships forever, this ease and convenience often act as a hindrance, culminating in a kind of liquid affection that results in delicate and superficial relationships.
Sexuality has a profound effect on how a person views sex and their attitude towards marriage and relationship forming. Bauman recognises that human sexuality has undergone drastic changes since pre-modern times. “Sex deprived of its former social status and generally agreed interpretations encapsulated the harrowing and alarming confusion that would eventually become the great bane of liquid contemporary society.” Prior to modernity, people recognised the importance of sex in fostering neighbourhood growth and development.” Sexual encounters often seem to be justified solely on the grounds of gratification. 2016 – (Hobbs). The essay addresses the concept of safe sex and the growing prevalence of fertility prevention techniques in comparison to more conventional ways of sexual sex. According to Hobbs (2016), “sex has been redesigned to be autonomous and self-contained”, as individuals are no longer constrained by intimate relationships; with fewer social disparity, they may freely choose their approach to and interpretation of sex. This contemporary sexual rationale has an impact on how societies define sexuality in general, since it broadens the idea of sexuality and liberates individuals from patriarchal constraints; traditionally, there was only one agreed-upon description of sexuality; in the modern world, there are several. Thus, one can make an informed assumption society has altered the initiative nature of potential relationships and marriages, consequently increasing the likelihood of ‘liquid love’.
Kang and Hoffman (2011) look further into society’s alleged influence on sexuality, demonstrating that it is not self-regulating. Kang’s examination of the distinctions between natural and cultural influences reveals that, while nature’s stance on sexuality may be changed and adjusted to meet human desires, cultural consequences are less adaptable owing to the complexity and demands of conforming to society’s values. In mainstream culture, it has become easier to abuse one’s physical attributes than to question men’s and women’s traditionally defined sexual characteristics. The history of how love is communicated, viewed, and understood has been profoundly influenced by society. For instance, Bauman examines how culture has warped love to include not only living beings but also inanimate objects. As a consequence of technical advances, individuals have formed an addiction to their phones. On a daily basis, people communicate with one another through non-smartphone devices such as mobile phones and laptops. “While these developments have simplified human activity, they frequently erode interpersonal connection, erecting a wall between friendship and partnership” (Best, 2018). Since all communications are electronic, people no longer need physical interaction to connect, resulting in the dissolution of relationships.
Due to the distinct perspective that mobile networking networks provide in comparison to dating apps, they are often useful venues for casual romance and intimate encounters. Indeed, in addition to declining dating site use, their tactile accessibility and reliability are a function of the exponential growth in dating and hook-up apps. Popular dating apps such as Tinder and its numerous alternatives are based on a photo-centric format that is optimised for mobile devices. Users are faced with photographs of nearby users and can swipe right to “want” or left to “nope,” with shared right swipes leading to a “play” button and an interactive chat area. According to Sean Rad and Justin Mateen, two of Tinder’s co-founders, the app’s fluid user interface is designed to work alongside and eventually replace online dating websites (Stoicescu, 2020). Tinder was often designed to “eliminate the anxiety associated with dating,” by positioning itself as a sort of “game” that allows users to spend less emotionally, time, and money (Stoicescu, 2020). Additionally, Tinder was developed to “remove the pressure of dating.” This application suggests a design concept in which user profiles are likened to a deck of cards, with intimacy, suspense, and sex serving as the game’s stakes. The internet and its related searching and research series put an emphasis on visual presence, with profile images and environments taking precedence over textual self-descriptions. Without a doubt, the increasing success of dating apps poses concerns about their impact on contemporary engagement, courtship, and sexual conduct, as well as the degree to which aspirations and impulses may be exploited.
Expanding upon this, the internet has excelled as a ‘social intermediary’. Traditional singles venues and locations, such as pubs, clubs, universities, and offices, have mostly been usurped by the Internet, which offers a shared forum for individuals to interact and establish partnerships with people for whom they have no prior social ties (Jeffries, 2012). According to a Pew Research Centre study conducted in the United States (the most detailed review to date, with over 1500 respondents), 15% of American adults have used online dating sites or smartphone dating apps, with use growing year after year (Su, 2015). This percentage significantly increases among same-sex partners, since almost 70% of same-sex couples communicate by email rather than in person (Su, 2015). With the emergence of Web 2.0, online dating platforms allowed the creation of previously unthinkable communities and alliances. Although removing this physical barrier allows more people to connect, it frequently emphasises the importance of being one’s true self. Individuals are compelled with an insatiable need to fit in and crave all kinds of friendship. By establishing an identification, consumers communicate to the world as they want to be seen, which often reflects a desire to be a part of a group.
To summarise, today’s generation heavily relies on online dating applications. To begin, the overwhelming majority of people have a tiny social network and a limited number of sexual partners. Second, as technology advances, dating technologies are widely seen as an alternative approach and solution for casual interactions. Thirdly, dating applications are more realistic and fashionable than more formal ways of courtship. There are several instances of immoral behaviour on dating apps, where the overwhelming majority of users use different strategies to create a more attractive and engaging physical image in order to attract others’ attention, rather than portraying their real, honest self. Consumers’ hopes have been boosted prior to reaching their match as a result of the perfect future predicted by their match. Thus, divorce is a potential disaster in abusive marriages where deviation or misunderstanding happens during face-to-face interactions. Individuals’ experiences affect their attitudes towards marriage, how they meet, how they perform in marriages, how they embrace their sexuality, how they make choices in light of societal norms and values, and how they can succeed in life with or without the assistance of community. Bauman’s hypothesis of liquid culture explores why people have more favourable relationships with technology than with other people, why attraction and the concept of love have evolved over time, and a variety of other explanations why society’s advancements and choices influence the kind of love people have towards others.
References:
Bauman, Z. Liquid love.
Best, S. (2018). Zygmunt Bauman’s thesis revisited. Sexualities, 22(7-8), 1094-1109. doi: 10.1177/1363460718795082
Hobbs, M., Owen, S., & Gerber, L. (2016). Dating apps, relationships, sex and intimacy’s digital transformation. Journal Of Sociology, 53(2), 271-284. doi: 10.1177/1440783316662718
Kang, T., & Hoffman, L. (2011). Why Would You Use Online Date Sites? Factors… Communication Research Reports, 28(3), 205-213. doi: 10.1080/08824096.2011.566109
Su, H. (2015). Connection as the media’s love condition: bonds to bondage. Media, Culture & Society, 38(2), 232-247. doi: 10.1177/0163443715594037
Articles:
Jeffries, S. (2012). Love – Logging-on. from https://www.smh.com.au/technology/logging-on-for-love-20120212-1sziv.html
Stoicescu, M. (2020). Global Dating Culture: Reframing the Process of Dating Online. from https://www.questia.com/library/journal/1P4-2293791716/the-globalized-online-dating-culture-reframing-the
Hi Callum,
I found this paper to be of a great read and discussion. I am an old-school type of guy where l found immersing myself in new experiences to be of great insight. I believe that you never really know what’s on the other side of the screen and meeting people face to face is a real opportunity not only to meet someone but to explore and test your own weaknesses and strengths as well as interaction being part of what makes us all social beings.
I don’t believe it is fair or correct to say that online relationships, dating apps, or the use of social media can be the sole blame for the collapse of what seems to be many relationships in today’s society. I believe it can help strengthen and act as an opportunity or a way out for people to socially interact with other people where confidence, self-esteem, money, or distance may have denied access to specific relationships previously. Despite, personally preferring to physically meet the person in reality, but l guess time really does change things.
I found the Liquid-term interesting and even had to do some of my own research into it.
Great read, David.
Cheers
Hi Callum,
This is Wen. Thank you for writing this topic for the conference, it’s really a thought-provoking paper to read. I love that you mentioned how dating apps have removed the physical barriers between people that do not have the prior societies (Jeffries, 2012). As people nowadays are on their social media feeds most of the time, they often missed out the opportunity to get to know ones that they might meet in the real life; or they are too relying on the interaction on social media over the internet that they lost the in-person social skills. People with identity such as the LGBTQ+ often have higher demand of the communication on the cyberspace, since they might feel that they are seperated from the community. Masullo and Coppola (2021) indicated that “this separation between in-group and out-group in the LGBT community means that each transgender subject struggling with their self-determination of gender and sexuality seeks spaces to experience themselves, acquire those requirements necessary for the performance of specific roles within the various relational arenas, including the cyberspace.”
For the people who are heterosexual, a study based in United States indicated that “meeting online has become the most popular way couples meet, eclipsing meeting through friends for the first time around 2013” (Michael et al., 2019).
In conclusion, Internet has become the media that brings the couple together whether they are with LBGTQ+ or heterosexual identity (Michael et al., 2019)
Thank you for the inresting read!
Wen
References:
Jeffries, S. (2012). Love – Logging-on. from https://www.smh.com.au/technology/logging-on-for-love-20120212-1sziv.html
Masullo, G., & Coppola, M. (2021). Scripts and Sexual Markets of Transgender People on Online Dating Apps: A Netnographic Study1. Italian Sociological Review, 11(4), 319-341. https://link.library.curtin.edu.au/gw?url=https://www-proquest-com.dbgw.lis.curtin.edu.au/scholarly-journals/scripts-sexual-markets-transgender-people-on/docview/2522189022/se-2?accountid=10382
Michael J. Rosenfeld, Reuben J. Thomas, Sonia Hausen. (2019)
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences Sep 2019, 116 (36) 17753-17758; DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1908630116
Hi Callum!
I really enjoyed your paper! What an interesting topic.
I think when it comes to the whole, online dating and online romances, it is really interesting to look at the Zeitgeist and what it means for the way we communicate online through our instinctual needs to find partnership. As someone who met their long-term partner online, not through a dating app but on an online chat app, I found that it was a very positive experience. Whilst the physicality of online relationships are absent for the most part, I think that people are still able to convey their identity online to create a flame of a relationship. Whilst our online identities may be considered performative, we still always hope that our personal identity will shine through. According to Maria Stoicescu “online dating can be viewed as responsible in the creation and modification of the traditional dating techniques, offering a culture of its own; the third part – typologies and behaviours in the online dating setting”(2019. p. 21).
We are therefore immersed within this shift of online and networking culture that we see nowadays. I also think it is really interesting to think about the Covid-19 pandemic in this instance. Covid-19 has severely limited physical contact and has halted people from dating and meeting people. Dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and eHarmony really allow for people to try to fulfill the need for social interaction and helps with the way that mental health issues have stemmed from loneliness during the pandemic.
Hope you have a great day!
Emma
References:
Stoicescu, M. (2019). The globalized online dating culture: Reframing the dating process through online dating. Journal of Comparative Research in Anthropology and Sociology, 10(1), 21-32. Retrieved from https://link.library.curtin.edu.au/gw?url=https://www-proquest-com.dbgw.lis.curtin.edu.au/scholarly-journals/globalized-online-dating-culture-reframing/docview/2293791716/se-2?accountid=10382
Callum,
I liked how you addressed online dating as a marketing strategy as it allows the reader to consider about it from a different frame of mind. The idea of branding yourself really highlights how the dating sites/apps operate and how easy it is to fall for people online – more so than it would be in-person, as well as the depth of insight the users really have of one another. This leads me to the thought of whether or not these shallow interactions will become the failure of future dating – will people just not care anymore or in the contrary, will this allow people to find their person by eliminating those meaningless interactions?
In addition, I think that due to the large number of accounts, this will only increase the issue of catfishing, which in return will only decrease the faith users have in these dating sites working. I’d love to know your thoughts on this and how this might liquidate love even more.
In regards to these applications becoming the ‘third place’ for these interactions, I believe that it would be easier to reject individuals as it would feel different in-person; less hurtful for both the rejected and the initiator.
Interesting thoughts on sexual partnerships due to the results of this post-modern society and nice use of statistics. It was a fascinating topic to address and I enjoyed reading your insight.
– Kira
Hey Callum!
Your paper was very interesting and I was quiet impressed how you mentioned about (Bauma 2003) “Liquid love”, a generation where liking and desires are more expressed than partnership. Furthermore you bring up how people “sell themselves” on online sites and how they try to be appreciated by becoming the version people want them to be. I wholeheartedly agree with you. However, if we vary them on countries, for example Europe and India, the way they use dating apps are way different. The use of these sites are not always time taken, taking Tinder as an example, people can choose anyone they want to spend time with which allows them having diversified experiences. Besides, there are still many relationships that are successful. What am trying to conject is that, I personally wouldn’t want to date a person without meeting them regularly and understand them. So, it’s always about the person’s point of view of what he or she wants actually. Things needs to be explicit between the two person. Please let me know what you think!
Hi Callum
A great article and I was looking forward to reading this. I am from the older generation and meeting someone at a house party that you got tagged along to. You flirted with someone and had similar interests then realising that they are connected to some friend or they were family friend’s son and knew too much about their mums and dads and then you were out of there. I agree that people are relying too much on a dating apps to meet someone. I have had countless chats with my girlfriends, and they can never find the right man and every date seems to end in disaster. I meet my husband over 20 years ago and it was different. The point of dating is to find out about someone go through these stories and sift out common interests and look forward to the next date. However, with online dating, everyone seeks out there potential mate out through their online identity and stalks there Facebook and Instagram profile and making sure he or she will have similar interests and do they work? have they got a family? We make premeditated judgements about their life and yet we haven’t met them and a chance to get to talk about what they like and don’t like and what they are looking for? In my time, it was actually simple. You would know if someone was keen, a smile, you heart would flutter and then a conversation would strike up and you would go from there. Online dating has created a new culture when meeting someone and they are always looking for someone better. I constant ‘swipe right” we are starting to judge on appearances and for most parts the relationship ends much more quickly because they are still trying to find the perfect person. There is no such thing as a perfect person. You meet someone to work out all those imperfections to make it a perfect relationship based on communication, trust and being loyal.
Do you think that finding someone will eventually go back to traditional methods and the rise of house parties will make a comeback? I guess speed dating was kind of fun too and a way to meet someone and leave without any hard feelings.
I think the future of being married for 20 years will soon fade out and more and more people are not staying through those rough times because it’s easy to hook up with someone else, even for a minute.
For someone who has been married for 20 years, is something I value, and you have to learn to compromise and take all the bad things that come our way and do it together, there is no right or wrong in a relationship it’s what works for you and your partner. You cry, you laugh, you fight and make up again. That’s what it takes and something that I don’t think is valued on an online dating app.
Nakia
Hi Callum
An interesting read! Liquid love is an interesting term and is quite apt for modern age dating. Technological and social change highlights the growing importance of the ‘app economy’ and widespread use of dating apps where modern dating has been commodified and gamified. Online dating is compared to a virtual marketplace, where people shop for partners by filtering features they seek in their partners, which shows the commodification of dating apps. Furthermore, the affordances provided by dating apps dating apps like availability, portability, and multimediality in addition to others makes it easy for users to seek and change partners which like you mentioned promotes superficial or liquid love.
Well written!
Would love to hear your thoughts on my paper.
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2021/2021/04/30/social-media-has-influenced-and-revolutionised-food-industry-through-virtual-food-communities/
Thanks
Kanishk
References
Albury, K., Burgess, J., Light, B., Race, K., & Wilken, R. (2017). Data cultures of mobile dating and hook-up apps: Emerging issues for critical social science research. Big Data & Society, 4(2), 2053951717720950. Retrieved from https://journals-sagepub-com.dbgw.lis.curtin.edu.au/doi/pdf/10.1177/2053951717720950
Fetters, A & Tiffany, K. 2020. The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/02/modern-dating-odds-economy-apps-tinder-math/606982/
Hey Callum,
This was such a captivating and interesting read, this was thoroughly researched and well presented! I honestly resonated with conference paper, you provided excellent examples and often made me question the reason as to why society is so lucid and free within social media and online dating platforms whilst presenting worthwhile queries. The idea of ‘lucid’ relationships is a process I often struggle with, I am bit of a hypocrite when it comes being ‘lucid’ I as I am all for self-expression and how powerful sexuality is in today’s society with a combination of sexual preferences are all at play as each individual is worthy of love. Whereas a ‘lucid’ society has negative connotations on the mental well-being and sexual relationships but in order to freely express your sexuality, it creates short-term and failing relationships. The point you brought up of online dating games being compared to a game to ease the stress of dating in fact creates an environment where individuals disassociate from others and create a cosmopolitan outlook in order to create matches where in order to gain potential interests you have ‘spice’ up your online persona to create a more likeable account. So I ask you Callum, what is more important within society, expressing your sexuality or to create a more domestic and fulfilling relationships?
Many thanks and honestly a great paper!
Hi Che-Anne, thanks for the comment and I appreciate the positive review!
The notion of a liquid relationship, romantic or not, is definitely a thought-provoking one and encourages a lot of people to question their own life, however they’re not uncommon and aren’t always detrimental, just certainly interesting to look into!
In regards to your question at the end, it has me stumped. I don’t believe I can argue for either of the two, as they’re both equally as important! I hate to sit on the fence but after thinking of this for a while I still can’t come up with an answer, I might have to research a little more so I’m more informed to answer such thought-provoking questions. Bottom line is I believe that all relationships formed should be built up from a foundation of truth and the portrayal of ‘true self’, otherwise people may struggle to truly express their sexuality and form a truly fulfilling relationship within contemporary society.
Thanks for the comment!
Hi Callum,
Great paper you have written. I have never heard of liquid love before so it was a fascinating read.
I agree with what you have written and how people use dating apps to either promote or sell themselves online. In today’s life where internet seems to be the place where people get answers its no surprise that people are also dating online. There are less physical social events and especially now with Covid- 19 where social distancing is super important – online dating is perfect.
People try to put their best version of themselves to find the perfect partner and at times it might be the complete of opposite to who they really are. Think we have heard many stories where this has happened. I think Dr Phil had a few stories on his show a few years back and not all of his stories are happy endings.
A theory that I came upon when I was doing my paper, is the self-presentation theory. Baumeister and Hutton in their 1987 article discusses what it is and how it works. I believe this theory also works for those who are using apps to find the right person. The self-presentation theory is basically how does that person want to portray themselves to others and how does it please their audience.
When a person uses a photo of themselves they want it to be absolutely perfect – no flaws and makes them look better. They only care about how others judge them when they click on that photo. Pleasing the audience comes after finding the right photo.
Having this theory when creating a dating profile is misleading but also inaccurate of the person they truly are. Everyone is guilty of doing this whether they use dating apps or not. I have seen this on Facebook profiles mainly.
I like how you have mentioned the effects of after choosing to date someone online. Not always does it work for everyone and like you mentioned there can be abuse in a relationship and sometimes divorce when they find that they are not truly compatible.
Let me know your thoughts on the article and if you believe that the theory is accurate for your paper.
Well done on your paper.
Kind Regards
Amber
Reference:
Baumeister, R., & Hutton, D. (1987). Self-Presentation Theory: Self-Construction and Audience Pleasing (pp. 71-72). Springer-Verlag.
Hi Amber, thanks for the comment!
For sure people don’t aim to portray themself on the internet in an unflattering way – it’s evident everywhere that people what to show their best ‘self’, so I most definitely agree. With Covid-19 always looking over our shoulder, this has become a much larger part of society, which is;t necessarily a bad thing but it’s of my opinion that sometimes it can be taken advantage of.
The article you’ve cited is incredibly relevant to the idea of presenting your ‘true self’, most importantly it mentions that “self-presentational motivations are activated by the
evaluative presence of other people and by others”, and I believe that’s rife within dating platforms such as Tinder, which once again, isn’t always detrimental, however it may lead to false beliefs and in some cases, ‘liquid love’.
Appreciate your provoking thoughts and thanks for providing me an interesting read!
Hey Callum,
I really enjoyed reading your article as this is also a topic I love to frequently discuss with the people around me. I also like the way you’ve structured and written the article too.
I found it super interesting to read an academic piece on dating apps and liquid love. I do agree with the notion that the increase use and dependancy on these apps, do cause liquid love. But do you think there is a reason why more and more people rely or go on these apps in the first place? Do you think it’s because of how society has portrayed sex and love.
Also I’d love to hear your opinions about the hookup culture? Because I believe that people are scared to commit into a such an intimate experience because they’re scared that the other person is only using them for sex etc.
Hi Allan, appreciate the comment, some very good questions.
I believe that the initial reason people go on platforms such as Tinder in the first place is the ease of access and ability to meet people. As mentioned in previous comments, casual relationships aren’t uncommon unlike in the past, and I believe that these two factors go hand-in-hand.
As far as hook-up culture goes, fears surrounding the ingenuity of a relationship are definitely prevalent and are a huge reason as to why some prefer to meet people online, but it’s of my opinion that as casual acts are no longer uncommon, people aren’t afraid to throw themselves out there and establish potentially superficial relationships.
Cheers!
Hi Callum, this is an interesting topic to read about. I definitely agree with your point that online dating encourages more people to essentially ‘sell’ or ‘promote’ themselves online to others and it does increase casual intimacy between strangers. However, I don’t think online dating is the sole contributor of ‘liquidifying love’, or the reason that people are less driven to traditional life stages such as marriage. I think that now there is less pressure in society now to be married, and applications such as Tinder and Bumble have helped to make this new form of casual intimacy more acceptable.
Hi Eleanor, definitely agree that online dating isn’t the sole contributor to liquid love, however it’s of my opinion that it certainly doesn’t help, rather the opposite. I feel as though when it comes to meeting people online you get out what you put in, and I believe that online platforms don’t encourage the genuine formation of ‘true self’ relationships. Despite this, casual intimacy is much more common these days as you mentioned, thus it really depends on the angle you view liquid love from.
Appreciate the comment!
Hello Callum,
This was a great read thanks. As somebody who met their fiance on Tinder 7 years ago and is about to be married later this year, I do have some thoughts on the subject matter.
In my own research for my own paper, I found that people tend to only post their best version of themselves online and although I was writing about parenting groups online, I do see dating apps in a similar light. However, as others who have commented have pointed out, applying a filter and taking a selfie from one’s best angle is really less work than the efforts women feel the need to go to when going out to socialise and maybe hope to meet a partner. This ties in wonderfully with my research on patriarchial ideals that continue to be perpetuated in online spaces. From memory when I was using Tinder, looking for “liquid love”, the men all had candid photographs of themselves with friends, doing something active, etc while I felt the need to have mostly headshots of myself, with nice clothing, make-up hairstyle etc. It is perplexing how women are expected to be real while being made up at the same time, perhaps not by everybody but definitely by some.
I also think that dating Apps like Tinder have a positive side where they give users back autonomy. If somebody is hitting on you at the pub, as a woman this is a confronting scenario because you don’t want to upset or anger the person and make it worse, but Tinder allows you to really pick and choose who you want to spend time with. Obviously, the security drawbacks are quite serious with people experiencing harassment and sexual assault in some cases when they take it to the physical space. There is far more to be done around the security of these apps and the education around them.
– Kristy
Hi Kristy, thank you for your comment, and you’re absolutely right.
My idea of liquid love starts with an individual not portraying their ‘true self’ when online, and that can lead to a range of problems down the line, and I most certainly agree that women are subject to this pressure at a much greater level than men.
Platforms such as Tinder are fantastic in the sense that you can pick and choose who you want to spend your time with, however for some this can become part of a superficial process when it comes to meeting new people. As mentioned, online dating is contextual, and it’s not the same for everyone!
Appreciate your comment, thank you!
Thanks for your reply Callum!
Do you think the superficial process of meeting new people on Tinder extends across platforms known for other micro-communities forming such as Facebook groups? The reason I ask is that Chua et al. (2014, p.202) ascertain that technologically-mediated communities create a new wave of niche social groups that are generally lifestyle-related so I guess Tinder community members seek out other members with similar interests and ideals. I discovered this isn’t necessarily the case in other online communities such as mum groups on Facebook for example. My research found that mums tended to be lumped in with each other often resulting in conflict and unpleasant interactions should there be a disagreement in their lifestyle (Friedman, 2010). This is perhaps with the exception of specific parenting style groups such as attachment parenting for example (Pitcher, 2016).
Given this research, do you think if Tinder tried to encourage a more open way of meeting people instead of being the shallow-based on looks and first impressions it currently provides, the interactions among community members will be more or less positive in nature?
Thanks, Kristy
Reference
Chua, V. n., Madej, J., & Wellman, B. (2014). Chapter 8: Personal Communities: The World According to Me. The SAGE Handbook of Social Network Analysis, 101-115. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781446294413.n8
Friedman, M. (2010). It Takes a (Virtual) Village: Mothering on the Internet. In A. O’Reilly (Ed.), Twenty-First Century Motherhood: Experience, Identity, Policy, Agency (pp. 352-365). Columbia University Press. https://doi.org/10.7312/orei14966.26
Pitcher, A. T. (2016). The impact of culture on the practice of attachment style parenting among women who meet in online communities. [Master’s thesis, University of Houston]. UH Dspace. https://uh-ir.tdl.org/handle/10657/1517
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Link to my paper:
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2021/2021/04/26/mums-groups-and-the-patriarch-how-online-parenting-communities-reinforce-patriarchal-expectations-of-mothers/
Hi Callum,
Much like Sonia and Silas “liquid love” is a new term for me.
I tend to agree with Silas that the way in which people use online dating apps such as tinder to seek out compatible ‘partners’, which in reality are nothing more than a one night stand, is no different to hooking up in a bar or club. I believe on both occasions either sex is as shallow as one another as they will only approach someone in the bar face-to-face if they find their appearance desirable. Likewise, they will only swipe right if they find the person appearance desirable.
On the other hand, I speak from personal experience that the original dating sites such as RSVP can be more personal and less shallow. These sites allowed a person the opportunity to find a likeminded person with similar interests, values and goals before deciding if you would like to meet in person. Yes, I agree Callum, that people can and do glamour themselves up in the hope to appear more attractive than they really are. But once again is this any different to a club or bar where females often have layers of make-up on and extremely revealing clothes which will entice men toward them. I myself meet my husband on RSVP 10 years ago and the primary reason both of us opted to try online dating is because neither of us smoke nor drink. We couldn’t think of anything worse than going to a crowded bar/club that was guaranteed to be full of people who would be drinking as this is not the type of partner we were seeking.
I’m a little confused with your comment “consumers hopes have been boosted prior to reaching their match as a result of the perfect future predicted by their match. Thus, divorce is a potential disaster in abusive marriages where deviation or misunderstanding happens during face-to-face interactions.” Would you like to elaborate on where you are going with this comment please?
Thank you for an interesting read.
Cheers,
Tina
Hi Tina, appreciate the comment, thank you.
When composing this piece, I wanted to write about what online dating encouraged for the majority, which in my opinion is liquid love. But as I’ve mentioned platforms such as Tinder and RSVP are contextual, and people have a range of different experiences when it comes to what they’re in search of. I for one know people who can’t find a true connection online, as well as others whom are now married because of it.
As far as my comment regarding deviation or misunderstanding in face-to-face interactions, I was just emphasizing my point, and in hindsight I should’ve used some form of research to reinforce what I was trying to say. the idea of liquid love is that you don’t truly present your true self, and that can result in problems down the line when it comes to relationships. However, by no means am I saying this is the case in all relationships formed online, I would like to emphasize that.
(Eichenberg 2017) https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s10591-017-9434-x.pdf
Thanks for your comment!
Liquid love! A new term for me.
You mentioned that 70% of same sex couples communicate via email, is that figure different for heterosexual couples?
Hi Sonia, thanks for the comment, liquid love was a new term for me too not too long ago, and is quite the interesting topic!
When composing I wanted to compare heterosexual and same sex couples a lot more than I did, however I struggled to find any decent research! One thing I do know is that heterosexual couples “…are more likely to meet a romantic partner online than through personal contacts and online platforms” than same sex couples, rather than online communication such as email.
(Rosenfeld 2019) https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1908630116
Thanks for your comment!
Liquid love! That is a new term for me.
This made for an interesting read Callum.
In my opinion, dating apps perform a similar function to more old school ways of meeting potential love interests. People assess someone’s pictures and profile and decide whether they want to interact with the person, which to me is essentially the equivalent of a person sitting at a bar and scoping out the room for someone who catches their eye. So when you said that traditional singles venues have been usurped by the Internet, I don’t perceive that as a bad thing, just a shift from one type of third place (a pub/club), to another third place (the Internet). You also state that “it has become easier to abuse one’s physical attributes than to question men’s and women’s traditionally defined sexual characteristics.” I personally don’t view online dating as a means of abusing one’s physical attributes, for the same reason that I stated above. The evaluation of one’s physical attractiveness has always been a part of dating, whether done online or in-person.
I personally don’t agree that electronic communications have resulted in dissolution of relationships. In fact, I believe that relationships can actually be strengthened by communication over the Internet, as said communication can persist over time and space. Communicating with one another is easier than ever, and I don’t necessarily believe there is less value in communicating online rather than in-person.
This paper definitely got me thinking, and even though some of our opinions differ it was insightful and interesting! I’m curious as to what you might think of my perspective?
Hi Silas, thank you for your thoughts, and apologies for the late response.
In relation to my statement of traditional venues being usurped by the internet, I wasn’t so much as saying it had consistent, negative implications, rather it’s much easier to take advantage of a potential partner when not face to face. However I do agree that this has always been prevalent to some degree when it comes to meeting new people, regardless of setting.
That being said I don’t disagree with your opinion. As you said, communication is easier than ever, which can have both upsides and downsides, and more often than not online dating is a platform of context, and everyone’s experiences differ. Thank you for your response, definitely questioned some of my thoughts and offered a fresh perspective, thank you!
I think I can see what you mean, may I ask what kind of things you are thinking of when you refer to people being taken advantage of? Just trying to contextualise what you’re referring to with an example or two.
You’re definitely right about everyone’s experience being different, I’m sure there are a lot of people who enjoy online dating, and a lot of people who do not for various reasons. It’s such an interesting topic to explore!