Abstract

Social media groups and networks provide a third, additional, communal space for new parents to find social support, information, medical advice, and experience validation, however, they can also have a harmful effect on wellbeing. This paper argues that Facebook and social network use has a detrimental effect on the wellbeing of new mothers as it perpetuates the western Intensive mothering ideology. By examining studies which document mothers’ participation on Facebook, we can see how its persistent and pervasive nature shapes the strategies used by mothers to avoid judgement and seek validation from others on the platform, leading to harmful, inauthentic representations of mothers and the mothering experience.

Keywords: #social networks, #new parents, #facebook, #intensive mothering, #community

Link to PDF Using social networks for support is harmful to the wellbeing of new mothers

New mothers are increasingly turning to Facebook parenting community groups as third spaces for advice and support led by the removal of participation barriers afforded by the platform. However, the positive benefits of using this space are diminished by pervasive narratives of the intensive mothering ideology leading them to use tactics of strategic presentation, and selective, invisible, or passive participation to gain validation and avoid negative judgement. This paper discusses Facebook as a third space providing new mothers with essential support and information alongside, describing how users feel they must adapt their participation to counter the negative effects of the platform. While the positive benefits of an additional support space for new mothers is well documented, social media amplifies behaviour expectations in line with current western intensive mothering ideology, diminishing the positive benefits by creating an inauthentic narrative of the motherhood experience.

The transition to parenthood, especially motherhood is a pivotal life change that requires significant social support; however, historical face-to-face support networks of the past have been eroded over time. Robust social support during this period of life is linked to better health and wellbeing outcomes for both mother and children (Gleeson, 2022). During the last century, industrialisation has fundamentally changed families with more childbearing women retained in the workforce and living away from extended family. These changes have reduced the opportunities for local, face to face support from others at a similar stage or those who have lived experience of child raising (Gleeson, 2022). With the advances in computer technology and the internet there are now many forms of social support relating to childbearing and motherhood online. As new and first-time parents actively seek increased connection with others today, social media groups and networks provide an additional space to find social support, information, medical advice, and experience affirmation as a third communal space.

As the most popular social networking site, Facebook provides a new virtual space for friends, family, and acquaintances to continually communicate (Schoppe-Sullivan et al, 2017). Social media networks and groups provide communities where new mothers can learn from others about their new role and observe behaviours, norms and expectations. In addition, they provide new places for anonymous intimate conversations that allow avoidance from self-consciousness some feel in in-person social groups or with medical and associated service providers (Baker, 2018). Social media networks and groups can also assist in connecting mothers whose social circumstances limit in-person opportunities for support, such as those limited by disabilities, isolated or remote, time poor or just uncomfortable in those spaces (Baker, 2018). Studies also show time poor new mothers often struggle to leave the house, the internet counters all these barriers by facilitating access to information or interaction at any time of the day with minimal effort (Gleeson, 2022).

There is a modern narrative of intensive mothering, an ideology presented both online and offline that results in less positive effects on wellbeing. Intensive mothering is a term introduced by Sharon Hayes to describe an ideology where good mothers must be dedicated caregivers investing substantial amounts of time, money, and energy into intensively raising their children, often to their own personal detriment. (Schoppe-Sullivan et al, 2017). Social media and mobile technology have allowed social networks to overcome historical limits on person to person or person to group interactions, this freeing of interactions from the natural boundaries of place and time allows online communications to feature persistently and pervasively in a user’s everyday life (Hampton, 2016). The result of pervasive contact with the intensive mothering ideology is feelings of depression, affirmation seeking and protective behaviours (Schoppe-Sullivan et al, 2017). The pervasive nature of social media results in more exposure to this ideology, increasing the frequency of comparison and perpetuating its ideals. Increased comparison leads new parents to believe they just don’t measure up against what is expected, this leads to poorer mental health outcomes for parents and inauthentic social media participation, these outcomes in turn perpetuate rather than change the narrative.

To negotiate the less positive effects of Facebook and social network use, new parents use controlled disclosure and strategic presentation tactics when communicating to achieve validation, support, and connection. New mothers use Facebook primarily to seek community support of various kinds. There is, however, evidence to suggest it is also used to present themselves as a parent that lives up to society’s expectations and prove that they are successful at motherhood. In contrast to face-to-face engagement, Facebook and the online social environment afford users greater control over how much they reveal about their true selves. Social media networks, especially Facebook enables users to carefully share information and images to portray their self-image, being able to tweak and selectively share details allows users can create an ideal self-image which would likely not be possible in the physical world (Kendall, 2017). For example, comments from mothers Britney and Rachel in a paper by Ninmer, show how they were careful about how much of themselves they chose to share on Facebook, deciding not to share images or video of themselves drinking or dancing in fear of being seen as a ‘bad mom’ by mothers of their children’s friends on the network (2014). Research around presentations of self on social media and Facebook proves that people are more likely to present a happier, more entertaining self and avoid displaying negative emotions to gain acceptance safely (Gleeson, 2022). Using controlled disclosure and presentation allows mothers to avoid judgement and feel safe using the platforms, however, curated performances and hidden realities perpetuate inauthentic narratives of motherhood. Inauthentic narratives used as comparison and benchmark for mothering success, especially by new mothers who have little experience or other sources information or support, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure that are damaging to their wellbeing.

Another tactic for mothers to avoid judgement is to step back from public social network spaces and only participate visibly in selective, trusted and often private settings or not participating at all (Malsen, 2022). Research undertaken by Gleeson suggests that closed Facebook groups allow mothers to be more authentic in self presentation than in public online spaces and face to face situations (2022). Closed groups afford more intimate and personal conversations which are much more useful and fulfilling for parents (Gleeson, 2022). Comparison to others is a big part of the motherhood experience as new mothers look to society and other mothers to inform their roles and identity, however this can be problematic. The pervasive and persistent nature of social media and the popularity of Facebook mean that mothers using the platform are constantly seeing what other mothers and children are doing. The effects of constant comparisons to other mothers on social media include perceived lower competence and feelings of overload, contributing to negative effects on behaviours and mental health (De Los Santos et al, 2019). A mother in a survey of online mothers using Facebook by Malsen, Amanda, discusses how she selectively participated in distinct groups to get the information she wanted, within one chosen group she searched for the answers to her questions, next choosing a private group she perceived as safer she felt more comfortable to post her question for comment from others (2022). In contrast to face-to-face engagement, Facebook and the online social environment afford users greater control over how much they reveal about their true selves. The opposite does however appear to be true for smaller and closed Facebook groups where people feel a greater sense of privacy and safety (Gleeson, 2022).

There were mothers who found switching off completely from Facebook meant they no longer felt the negative effects of comparing themselves and their children against others and feeling judged that they did not meet the intensive mothering ideals (Maslen, 2022). For those mothers seeking validation without actual connection but not wanting to disconnect from Facebook completely, the nature of the platform allows users to be anonymous in some areas and view from the sidelines, this can be in public spaces but also in large groups where they can watch unnoticed. The ability for users to receive support and validation surreptitiously or anonymously on Facebook is something which would be difficult in most face-to-face communities. Surreptitious support in online groups, public or private is described by Johnson as participants receiving support, reassurance by passive or invisible participation and viewing but not interacting (2015). Passive participation allows the user to protect their privacy and identity whilst benefiting from a community, however it does still allow the negative effects of comparison. Due to the pervasiveness of social media, there is frequent opportunity for comparison to others, meaning there is also a higher likelihood of users to experience negative effects (de le santos 2019). Despite still being exposed to some negative effects of Facebook participation, invisible visitors to virtual communities are still receiving advice, information, and reassurance from the more active community members (Johnson 2015).

Research by Gleeson identifies that online social spaces such as Facebook groups offer mothers anonymous spaces to seek answers or reassurance on subjects, they may not otherwise feel able to discuss, it enables them to ask questions and more honestly respond to others without the fear of feeling judged (2022). The reasons for watching but not engaging are varied, in the study by Johnson, three mothers, Jenny, Emily and Stephanie share their reasons of not having time, not feeling compelled to be social or feeling too nervous to speak up (2015). Mothers who participate surreptitiously report either beginning to participate actively as they become more comfortable with their mothering identity and skills or disconnecting altogether as their children grew, they needed less support and found support offline (Johnson, 2015). Surreptitious participation in Facebook facilitates additional participation routes for mothers who may not feel comfortable revealing themselves or want to engage socially, it does however still expose people the to the negative effects of comparison which can lead to withdraw or disconnection from support space. Feeling unable to reveal themselves means real and authentic stories of motherhood are not being heard, this continues to perpetuate the intensive mothering ideology by offering no alternative experiences.

New mothers are increasingly turning to Facebook parenting community groups as third spaces for advice and support led by the removal of participation barriers afforded by the platform. However, the positive benefits of using this space are diminished by pervasive narratives of the intensive mothering ideology, leading them to the use of tactics of strategic presentation, selective, invisible, or passive participation to gain validation and avoid negative judgement. Facebook and online social networking platforms allow new mothers to find a wider range of opinions, information, and cultural expectations regarding the role of a mother and a place to practice and grow their identities. The attraction and growing use of social media as a third space or community by new mothers for social support is partially due to the removal of participation barriers. Having this third space support is linked to positive wellbeing outcomes for both mother and child.

There are, however, negative effects of Facebook for new mothers, the current western ideology of intensive motherhood and its associated expectations can be amplified through its pervasiveness. Mothers’ fears of judgement against societal ideals and expectations result in the use of participation strategies on the platform that limit or avoid negative outcomes and achieve validation and affirmation.

References

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