Abstract:
This paper explores the balance that Tinder users seek to attain in terms of the level of their authentic yet ideal self-presentation on the dating app. By considering factors such as other social networking sites, impression management, projection on ones most desirable and ideal self, and traditional dating sites, it is found that the user’s yearning to appear desirable to potential partners is balanced equally in part of the user’s wish to appear as authentic as their real self, offline.
Individuals have long been devising the means for presenting themselves in the most desirable way possible to potential partners even before the rise of mobile dating apps like Tinder (Ward, 2017). From newspaper clippings to dressing oneself up before entering the public sphere, the departure from these old-school ways have transformed the way in which individuals choose to portray themselves, consequently introducing academics to question the level of authenticity that Tinder users choose to display on the platform. In this paper I have chosen to address the level of authenticity and self-presentation seen on Tinder profiles through the relation to other social networking sites such a Facebook, impression management strategies, the desire to project one’s most desirable self, the difference between traditional dating sites and Tinder and then tying all of the above in with credibility. Tinder users, like many individuals seeking to find acceptance in the presentation of their identity, must find the right balance of their real and authentic self, yet enough of their ideal self to appear appealing to potential partners on the dating platform.
Social Networking Sites
Unlike the popular social networking site Facebook, which seeks to connect its users with friends and families – basically any other individual the user already knows or may be connected to already outside of this proposed medium (Ranzini,& Lutz, 2017) – Tinder, a mobile dating app, does the opposite with a purpose to connect its users with potential partners, therefore pressuring the user to project their best self forward. This is then when the level of authentic self-presentation is heavily questioned. With Facebook becoming a norm for personal communication, the freedom to explore identity experimentation has been lost, hence compelling users to identify and ‘perform’ with their actual rather than their ideal self on the platform (Ranzini & Lutz, 2017). Due to this, the level of authenticity of Facebook users can be seen as widely legitimized. Because of this, Tinder uses Facebook to help legitimize their platform and its users. Duguay (2017) writes about how the welcome screen of Tinder prompts users to login through their Facebook account, synchronizing their name, age, location, friends list and ‘likes’ on Facebook. Seeing as how the dating app may present some problems through meeting strangers and sharing locations, the app uses Facebook as its safeguard for any potential misgivings that may arise. This situates Facebook as the means for verifying that the other user is in fact ‘real’, as CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s assertion with its ‘real name requirement’ policy (Duguay, 2017, Van Der Nagel, and Frith, 2015). By aligning Tinder with Facebooks need for its authentic users, we are encouraged to believe that the users of Tinder are as ‘rea’ as the family and friends we know and come to communicate with in our daily lives through Facebook.
Impression Management
Impression management is widely demonstrated through Tinder and it begins with choosing one’s profile photo. Unlike Facebook, Tinder users heavily rely on it to make a ‘good first impression’ to its implicated audience. Users attempt to control and guide potential partners impressions through controlled methods by manipulating setting, behaviour and appearance (Goffman, 1959). Unlike in ‘real life’, these users are able to have more control over their environment and are therefore better situated in performing their ‘best selves’, therefore questioning the level of authenticity they are portraying. Due to the reduced cues and increased control demonstrated by the platform, its users are easily able to use Tinder as a novel technological environment for impression management. Although Tinder synchronises its user’s basic information derived from their Facebook account such as their name and age, the users have the freedom to choose what photos to display and an optional text to give a brief ‘bio’. They can also choose to link their Instagram accounts to their account to allow the curious an even ‘deeper’ insight into their lives. Although we can claim that the level of authentic self can be presented through the linking of these other social networking sites, Tinder is still a platform that allow its users to explore other and ideal selves of their own identity. Past research has suggested that in the context of mediated dating environment, individuals are incredibly motivated to control the impression they create (Ward, 2017), impression management thus takes an important role in allowing users to highlight information that they perceive to be desirable to potential partners. Rather than openly lying, users have found a way to employ strategic authenticity by portraying their best selves on the platform (Ranzini & Lutz, 2017). This step of impression management is considered impression construction, this can be done when a Tinder user decides what to write on their bio or which picture to display (Duguay, 2017).
Identity can be incredibly ambiguous in the disembodied world of the virtual community, but highly essential when communicating and understanding with others online (Donath, 1999). Unlike Facebook, there is a drastic difference in the way an individual communicates with their connected peers when compared to an ‘unknown audience’ of potential platforms on Tinder. Goffman (1959) famously writes about the performance of individuals, referring to the back-stage – the private area, where the individual can relax from their ‘play’ and the front stage, where the individuals can be seen ‘playing their part’ – the observational space, in this case, the user’s Tinder profile. Users have the freedom to choose whoever they wish to be, deliberately picking claims of self that can closely resemble or differ from the reality of their true selves depending on what they believe can be seen as most desirable for their audience. For example, a user may choose to display pictures of themselves with the most likes on Facebook, their argument being that this has received this much attention by my current peers, this will surely draw the attention of a potential partner. Although the negative stigma that has surrounded dating apps like Tinder is slowly shrinking due to the increase popularity of said platforms, (Ranzini & Lutz 2017) the degree of trust in authenticity of the users is and can still be seen as questionable. Duguay, (2017) writes about how mobile dating apps and sites such as Tinder require the need to confirm that potential partners “are not misinterpreting themselves and are safe to meet in person.” (p. 351). At the end of the day, users can look through another individual’s bio, photos, social media account, but can still be surprised by what greets them in ‘real life’ upon meeting with said individual.
The Desirable Self
There is a fragile balance between managing the impression of others and authenticity (Mascheroni, Vincent, and Jiminez, 2015), and this is the scale that Tinder users struggle to balance. Just how much of their real and ‘authentic’ self is enough to appeal to be ‘real’, and to mix that with their ideal or ‘best’ self in representing their identity through Tinder. Users seek closure in the likeness of their profiles with other users, the self-presentations are peer-mediated and legitimated through the matches they receive. It is not uncommon for individuals to strive for an identity which can be seen as acceptable and desired by others (Van Der Nagel, and Frith, 2015). In relation to this, research has shown that the level of authentic versus ideal self-presentation is in correlation to the individual’s self-esteem. Ranzini, G., & Lutz, C. (2017) believe that users with higher self-esteem are more likely to portray more authentic and less deceptive selves on the platform. These users are expected to summarize their identity through the reduced cues offered by the platform and hope for the success of a ‘match’. This puts a massive pressure on presenting one’s best self on what they believe their ideal potential partner could be looking for, therefore putting an emphasis on a more deceptive self. Unlike in face-to-face communication, certain habits and characteristics are much easier to conceal. It is easier for an individual to say, “I can speak and understand five different languages” than for them to demonstrate this skill. However, through online communication there are other things an individual still cannot conceal, such as improper grammar or lack of English skills. An individual can only reach as far as their current and real identity will allow them.
Traditional Dating Sites
Although Tinder is relatively new, the act of meeting a potential partner online is not (Ward, 2017). What puts Tinder apart from the old and traditional dating websites like OKCupid and eHarmony, however, is the lack of detailed description being asked of the user. The platform uses GPS and connect others within a chosen radius, therefore strengthening the connection between online and offline and giving the users an incentive to meet one another outside of the app (Ranzini & Lutz 2017). The parallel existence of the two individuals of both online and offline, knowing just how far away the other person is allows users a sense of security and authenticity in the realness of the other user. A feat that traditional dating sites have struggled to do so with, and therefore creating the negative stigma around the distrust of who may be on the other side of the screen. Duguay (2017) suggests that this co-presence and mobile intimacy allows for the intensifying immediacy as well as ability for users to meet. The flexibility of mobile app dating has allowed for the flexible boundaries between the online and offline worlds, with users often taking their conversations straight out of Tinder and straight onto a different social networking site to communicate such as Facebook or to even text. Turkle (1997) argues that the blurring boundaries between these two differing platforms present new opportunities for the individuals to then portray a truer and more authentic self. By using a separate platform to further communicate with one another, the user is able to validate their authentic self by sharing more information to present with consent. For example, by sharing and choosing to communicate on Facebook after a Tinder encounter, the individual is allowing the potential partner access to whatever or whomever may be displayed on their profile. This can range from embarrassing tagged photos by family members or friends, to recent activities performed by the individual.
Tinder users most prominent concerns are the act of misinterpreting themselves, exaggerating or lying in their profiles (Duguay, 2017). At the end of the day the only person who loses is the individual who lies about themselves. When an individual has more control over their self-presentation as is the case of social environments like dating apps, in comparison to a face-to-face situation, they are more prone to portray their best self-possible. The level of authenticity may stagger but it is not lost as identity can be seen as an extension of oneself (Anderson, 2005 as cited by Duguay, 2017). Research has shown that users are constantly changing and updating their profiles, striving to achieve the ideal balance between authentic and ideal selves in hope to not only demonstrate the kind of person they are but what their ideal potential partner may be like (Ward, 2017).
Tinder is a classic platform to experiment on self-presentation and identity, along with the level of authenticity of its participating users. The struggle to balance the authentic and ideal self-presentation of Tinder users continue as individuals work hard in concealing enough personal information to keep their security and safety but display enough to remain authentic and real and desirable to potential partners. The projection of identity cannot always be deemed as authentic, as even in the public and private sphere, individuals are still only displaying a ‘performance ‘of their extended selves (Goffman, 1959).
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
This is a really relevant and interesting topic about identity and impression management in today’s digital landscape. I definitely agree with displays of identity not being authentic on Tinder.
Do you think this has consequences on the relationships formed from Tinder and someone’s identity once a relationship moves from an online space into a physical space, if so, how?
And do you really believe that Facebook is a more authentic display of identity and doesn’t just allow someone to present their best self as Tinder does? As someone has still filter what it displayed on their online space, and who sees what.
Hi KAtkinson,
Thanks for taking the time to read my paper!
Regarding your question I find that it honestly really depends on the situation. One of the significant factors that I came across but was unable to mention in my paper is the motivation of users to actually join and use Tinder. From personal experience, being in a long term relationship after meeting my partner on Tinder, if a user has pure intentions I believe that the relationship formed or beginning to form online can easily transcend into physical space with little to no complications.
Actually I can agree with your statement about Facebook to a certain degree. I do know family members who also hide certain posts and pictures from other family members. But I still definitely believe it’s much more authentic than displays of identity when compared to a platform like Tinder.
Thanks,
Patricia Tigtig
Thanks Patricia – especially for the personal insight! I have a lot of friends now who have started successful romantic relationships from Tinder. It’s definitely becoming more and more common and absolutely possible to be authentic – up to the individual, as you said.
It will be really interesting to see how online dating progresses in the future as I believe Tinder has already had some a bit impact on the culture of dating and hook-ups.
Have a read of my paper here:
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2019Curtin/2019/05/02/adverse-effects-involving-body-image-and-self-identity-experienced-by-adolescent-females-from-viewing-and-posting-idealised-images-of-fit-and-healthy-bodies-on-instagram/
Thanks 🙂
Hey KAtkinson,
yeah it’s definitely interesting to see where it will go. I mean from what I’ve heard, back in the day it used to be looked down upon when you met a partner at a bar, but now it’s kind of seen as a norm. In a way I think Tindr has slowly or is slowly being seen the same way.
Thanks again!
Hey Patricia
This was genuinely one of the most enjoyable and interesting papers I have read throughout this conference so far.
I was most impressed with the way you included impression management in your paper and linked it so thoroughly to the features of Tinder, such as editing a bio and uploading certain photos. Also, starting your essay with a paragraph that basically introduced self-presentation as part of our human nature gave the entire situation context and I think it strengthened your argument too.
There was not much to criticise as the entire paper flowed really well and was great to read, so the only question I have for you, is: What do you think this balance between an authentic and ideal self is, and do you think it may be unrealistic for everyone to achieve an online persona that shows who they really are in person (authenticity), but also remain ideal to potential dating partners? I ask this because from my paper, I look into the pressure put on Instagram users to achieve unrealistically favourable views of themselves, which I think Tinder uses may be put through as well. Would be really cool to hear your thoughts on this.
If you are interested in my paper, a link is below for you to check it out.
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2019Curtin/2019/05/04/the-functions-of-instagram-and-the-pressure-placed-on-users-to-produce-unrealistically-favourable-identities/
Thank you so much MSljivic!,
in regards to your question I do believe that there are other factors that I did not have the time to write about in my paper but I did mention in an earlier comment to KATkinson which s that I think self-esteem is quite a big influence on finding the right balance. One of the papers I referenced actually wrote a great deal about how a higher self esteem can equal to a more authentic self presentation online and a lower self esteem will cause the user to project their more ideal self thus potentially losing real self presentation in a way. But thank you for the thought provoking question, though I’m not sure if I totally answered it properly. I’ll be sure to head over and read your paper, thanks again MSljivic!!
Hi Patricia,
This was an excellent paper and it was a pleasure to read. In your paper you mention that the negative stigma around Tinder has slowly been shrinking. Do you think that as time goes on and people get more comfortable and familiar with Tinder that people’s presentations on these apps will become more authentic? Everyone has not always been so comfortable sharing their real name and personal information online and yet today it is the norm. Do you think that just as people have become increasingly comfortable sharing personal information on their Facebook page, people will become increasingly comfortable sharing more authentic presentations of themselves on Tinder?
Thanks,
Ryan
Hey Ryan,
Thank you! And thank you for taking the time to read it. I definitely think that it’s a big generation thing as well. Younger kinds who are growing up and being introduced to this idea of dating on an app will find it to be a norm and in a way kind of accept it as it is. I think that’s also the deal with how it seems like everyone online nowadays is just so comfortable with sharing their personal information online. They’ve grown up with the internet surrounding them, its in the palm of their hands on their smartphones and tablets and it follows them around wherever they go, in the end it can kind of be seen as an extension of them. Definitely in due time I find that people will learn to be much more authentic on Tindr. Thanks again Ryan!
Hi Patricia,
A very captivating paper to read throughout. Your points of impression management and the desirable self are particularly helpful in explaining your thesis.
Since Tinder is so orientated towards one’s overall best image, first impressions are extremely crucial especially when other users may have plenty of potential suitors. This is in addition to the affordances of Tinder, facilitating for this impression management. Users have to select specific images to go along with an eye-catching bio to stand out from the crowd. With so many users attempting to gain interest from others.
The balance between the desirable and authentic self is another interesting point you have bought out. Your point from Van Der Nagel & Frith (2015) regarding how users search for an identity that is acceptable for others stands out for me. After all users on Tinder are seeking acceptance from possible suitors and could try and portray through images of themselves with their friends (or strangers) at social events, music concerts etc. Although their lives are generally nowhere near as exciting and compelling as they portray to be, this version of one’s self can lure matches.
The next issue in regards to these two points obviously occurs when matches occur. Users can easily found out and exposed (figuratively) through messages leading to disappointment on both sides, as the user is not quite the person who he/she/they set out to be as in their profile. I sometimes feel it would be better for some to go the away and say hey, “If you match me at my worst, then you could the be one for me.” This would at least differentiate the user from others trying to seek impression in quite an orthodox manner, but this is just my honest opinion.
Anyway, here is my paper if you are interested:
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2019Curtin/2019/05/05/social-media-and-brexit-the-role-of-social-media-in-the-outcome-of-the-uks-eu-referendum/
Hi Stephen,
Thank you, and thanks for taking the time to ready my paper. I definitely agree, first impressions are such a crucial point on an app like Tindr, especially when you’re getting judged solely based on just one primary picture as well, its so easy for us to be judgmental.
“If you match me at my worst, then you could the be one for me.” I love this. But yes I definitely agree, I find that once a match has been made it is definitley a make or break situation but also it comes down to the users motivations or intentions of using Tindr. I find that a user who is genuine and honestly looking for a potential partner is more likely to stay true to their real self rather than a user who is simply on Tindr for the bost of self confidence with the amount of matches they are receiving. But thank you for your great input Stephen, I’ll be sure to go and have a read of your paper, thanks again!
Hi Patricia,
That’s quite a logical theory regarding the types of people on Tinder. A profile who presents a more authentic version of themselves would likely gain less matches, hence indicating they would be looking for a long-term soulmate. This is in addition to a much more selective strategy they would use in searching for a match.
On the other hand, Tinder users may exaggerate themselves to seek a sense of self-validation, to assure themselves that people are interested in the user. Their motivations may be somewhat altered to someone presenting a more honest Tinder self as they would be more ‘testing the waters’ rather than seeking the one. Thanks for the reply!
Hey Stephen,
Definitely! I also find there’s a big issue of predominantly male users doing a ‘mass swipe’ – I don’t actually know if this is what it’s called – but it’s basically the act of continuously swiping right (is it left or right to match? I’m not quite sure as I haven’t used it for a few years now). Anyway, I also find that this is an issue that is worth bringing up when considering the motivations of Tindr users, but I guess in doing this act they’re more likely to be matched with potential partners they normally would not have a second look at? What do you think?
I don’t use Tinder myself, but I would imagine ‘mass swiping’ to the right (to match) would be more problematic than beneficial for the user. They may find the process of having to impress so many other users overwhelming, as well as having to eventually cut down their options simultaneously. This process could also be emotionally draining as they let go of any opportunity of forming a relationship with them.
Another issue may arise when the ‘mass-swiper’ arranges multiple dates with potential suitors. If the user informs their matches that they have got other dates arranged, some may question the user’s commitment to their fledging relationship and/or may not bother competing with other suitors. This is when the motivations of Tinder users can really cause issues. On one hand (or index finger literally), the mass swiper shopping for options and on the other index finger, the one seeking a long-term commitment.
This is not factoring other possible motivations for Tinder users, which could make things even more complex for all involved.
Yes, you do bring up a very recurring issue, which I think can relate to even offline dating, when one individual is looking for something more casual whilst the other is looking for something more serious.
Actually while on this note, one of the papers I read actually studied about how Tindr users view the app as a game, whilst some even have the app saved in their games folder which I found quite interesting. I have friends who use Tindr and kind of view it as a past time to do and ‘swipe’ when they have spare time and it’s quite scary to think that the idea of dating has become such a game like afterthought these days, don’t you agree?
Hi Patricia,
I am only replying to this post since the site won’t let me reply to your most comment. Anyway, I don’t think it’s necessarily scary that dating has become such a game, partially I believe it always has been to a certain extent. This can portrayed through various dating shows, of which I have zero interest in. These shows I felt helped normalise such behaviour, of which can be extenuated on Tinder. I still don’t think it’s ideal but if it works for them, then power to them.
I have also seen papers from addressing how users see dating as a form of shopping, which seems outrageous at first, but makes sense. The potential suitors represent the marketplace, while the user is the buyer. Difference here perhaps the user can “buy,” and “refund/replace” matches more easily than shopping.
Hi Patricia,
I liked your paper as all the topics you included were nicely developed and the paper overall had a good flow. My paper argues about inauthenticity online and I couldn’t agree more with what you said about Tinder users not being 100% authentic. Some do indeed project an ideal self in order to be validated or desired.
I believe that most social media platforms such as Facebook, encourage users to hide certain aspects of their lives and while some choose to do it to alter their identity, some do it to keep their privacy. Do you think that in the same in the case of Tinder users ? As you stated, it is a relatively new platform and in the long run with people being more open, do you think that users will be using it casually like Facebook hence increasing the rate of authenticity?
Regards,
Pooja.
Hi Pooja,
Thank you for taking the time to read my paper! There is definitely some self esteem issues which come in play when dealing with authenticity online so I do agree with the idea of projecting an ideal self to feel validated or desired.
Thanks for the great question, unfortunately because Tindr isn’t really a platform used to connect with friends but rather with potential partners, it’s quite hard for me to imagine authenticity all throughout the users on the platform. A significant factor would be the motivation of the user in actually using Tindr. Like I mentioned in of the earlier comments, a genuine user who is honestly looking for a potential partner would definitely make more effort in projecting their authentic self rather than someone who is merely using the app as a confidence boost in the number of matches they receive. Thanks again Pooja!