Dating apps, as a form of social media, have changed the landscape of traditional dating and the non-romantic approach that people are taking with their relationships.

 

The introduction of online dating in 1995 with the website called ‘Match.com’ was created (Kuefler, 2019). Finally lonely singles were able to meet and flirt with potential love interests without leaving the comforts of their very own home. The popularity of online dating has only catapulted into new and exciting stratospheres from the moment the first dating website was invented. There are many benefits to online dating outside of the obvious romantic approach. Apps like Bumble and Tinder actually paved the way for apps like Yubo, Wink and Bumble BFF. The socially awkward introverts that didn’t have the natural confidence to go out and make friends actually benefited from the explosion of dating app-style applications. However, these stories are few and far between. The damaging truth is that more than in America, for example, 45% of people that used a dating app in the past year felt themselves more frustrated by the experience rather than those who felt hopeful at a measly 28% (Anderson, et al., 2020). The theme of frustration and overwhelming feeling that you’re wasting your time with these apps is more common than not. For an industry that is so large and has, what seems like, an unlimited reach, you would expect more success stories. The online dating industry revenue has actually exceeded 3 billion dollars per year in the US (IBISWorld 2019, as cited in Bojd and Yoganarasimhan, 2021). This industry has a community of people that are all relatively likeminded in the sense that they are seeking love or companionship. Dating apps are a community of people, not so different to Facebook groups or Twitter stan accounts. Unfortunately that community of people has a majority which prioritise pleasure, self-appreciation and someone that fulfills their needs at a point in time over a genuine love relationship. Gen Z, for example, are more focused on financial stability than a relationship which when juxtaposed with the mentality in the 1960s and 70’s is quite shocking (Klein, 2022). Dating apps have definitely changed the landscape of dating that the older generations were used to, it is more focused on self-growth and prioritizing the development of one’s career rather than love and raw emotion. This community of people puts a spanner in the works, meaning they have changed the way we think about dating. It can be argued that this is both a positive and negative change, however it is agreeable that this community of people that have been bred from the dating app era are highlighting a growing need for social change.

 

Dating has changed over the years. From what was once considered a pivotal point in a man and woman’s lives, has become something that is more fleeting. Prior to the early 1900s, courtship was the way in which men and women would meet. Women would interact with a number of men, while having her parents present, and deduce who was the most suitable match for marriage (Markarian, 2019). Courtship and dating are fundamentally different. The differentiating factor is freedom. Fast-forwarding to modern dating, freedom is what young people seek. This feeling of being free has only been furthered with the introduction of online dating apps. Tinder was founded in 2012 and ever since then it has taken the world by storm. As of 2014, there were 1 billion matches, 800 million daily swipes and 10 million matches being made per day (Craw, 2014). Those numbers can be safely estimated to have increased significantly in the past decade. The main investor group behind the app, IAC, stated that “Tinder was launched to address the social and physical barriers of forming new friendships and relationships” (Craw, 2014). Tinder definitely achieved its initial purpose. The addictive nature of the app, acting like a mobile game, has boosted its popularity and it why it was estimated that around 5% of Australians had a Tinder profile (Craw, 2014). In order to understand how or why the landscape of dating has changed with Tinder, you need to analyse the motivations of its users. A Dutch study found that within the age group of 18-30 year old’s using Tinder, there were six motivations. They included; casual sex, easy communication, validating ones self-worth, thrill of excitement and trendiness (Sumter et al., 2017). This discovery was the opposite to the prior notion that users were motivated by love more than casual sex (Sumter et al., 2017). The motivations of men and women are different as men were more likely to be interested in a casual sex relationship than women were. The app has been more recently coined a hook-up app. Is it possible to look at Tinder as a social media app? Tinder has all of the features of a social media app, you are able to engage with people that share similar interests to you and are located within your area. The swiping function is similar to that of Instagram as you are swiping through profiles as you would scroll through your Instagram feed. The active users of the platform exceeds 50 million users which is high enough that it can be compared to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (although on a smaller scale). One of the more shocking facts about Tinder is that approximately 42% of Tinder users are already in a relationship, it is being used as a social discovery app (HotInSocialMedia, 2017). It begs the question, how can a platform that is based in the principle nature of social media, which is to connect likeminded people and build relationships, be so toxically utilised in today’s dating climate? Users prioritising a need for sexual pleasure is more commonly attributed to those experiencing early adulthood. As a result of these new-found priorities, a community has been formed. It is not uncommon to see Tinder users have dozens of matches that don’t lead anywhere because they have ill-intentions. There is no harm in having casual sex, the harm comes when you reach an age where marriage and genuine connections are on your mind. Research has found that sexual intercourse in non-romantic relationships can result in those individuals finding their relationships less satisfying and rewarding (Paik, 2010). Users of dating apps are selfishly motivated and that character trait is to their detriment in the long run. Love and genuine connections are long-lasting, and those that pro-long sexual relations with a partner until that connection is formed are increasingly more fulfilled (Paik, 2010).

 

The communities that are formed on dating apps are unique. If you are to break it down into purely sexual preferences, you can find the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, straight and transgender communities all in one place. Having one place where individuals with vastly different sexual preferences can find one another is a blessing. Not having to hide ones true sexual orientation and being able to bond with those in their community is a hidden passage of advocacy for their sexual preferences. However, there have also been negatives that have risen as a result of digital apps in the digital age. The queer community in particular have been deeply affected by digital media. Digital platforms have been helpful in generating a community, however, a “coherent sense of queer communities in digital spaces has been difficult” (Pym et al., 2020). In the case of queer people living in urban communities, dating apps were seen as spaces for queer people to have access to each other that weren’t necessarily part of a ‘scene’ (Pym et al., 2020). Using this example of queer communities we can determine the importance of dating apps to smaller communities in particular. They open a portal to a world of people that haven’t been given a spotlight to shine in the wider community. The community of online dating offers a way to find potential partners that you wouldn’t normally meet, in a context which can be free from bias and pre-conceived notions of ones personality (Masden and Edwards). Online communities can promote shared understanding and innovation, those created by third-party forums such as dating apps are key contributors to this. This is one of the many positives that comes from online dating. The practice itself has gotten quite a bad rap over the last couple of years because of viral stories surrounding catfishing scandals, violence and even the wildly popular Netflix show ‘The Tinder Swindler’. When looking at the negatives that sprout from these apps, it is important to consider the targeted harassment against those who reside in the LGBTQ+ community. The dating violence that these individuals experience ranges anywhere from 10% to 33% of men and women (Howard et al., 2008, as cited in Dank et al., 2014). There are understandable fears of dating online, you never know if someone is purposely deceiving you and has created a fake profile. That is a serious risk, especially for minority groups and women. Unwanted and unsolicited sexual messages towards women have been shown to be sent too soon after meeting or speaking to someone and generally make the women feel uncomfortable (Vandeweerd et al., 2016, as cited in Viveros and Schramm). The trend of sexually explicit messages and overtly sexual intentions is far too common. As young adults are seeking sexual pleasure and self-pleasure from random strangers that are validating them on these dating apps, the gap between traditional dating and old-English courtship has widened exponentially. There is an argument to be made that we are in a better, more equal dating landscape than we ever have been. However, it cannot truly be considered dating if this hook-up culture rarely dives beneath the surface of what a relationship is meant to be.

 

Dating apps are here to stay. There is no doubt about it that this multi-billion dollar industry is going to flourish for years to come. Considering the digital age that we are living in, there is little room for failure. Although the intentions and climate that young adults, in particular, are involved in may not be the most ethically sound or have the most angelic of intentions, it is reality. There will no longer be courting from a man to a woman with the intention of heading directly into marriage. People are more focused on maintaining a strong social life, achieving their financial goals as fast as they possibly can, and overall just being selfish and catering to what they want and need at any given time. This isn’t necessarily a bad situation to be in. These social media dating apps have built a community of people that want to have sex, participate in hook-up culture and in the simplest of terms, have a good time while they can. Dating apps offer up huge corporate opportunity and the foundations of these apps can be easily transition into most industries, even if they don’t relate to relationships.  The social dating platforms, most notably Tinder, have both negatively and positively changed the dating climate and the way people approach their relationships. They have created tight-knit communities of likeminded individuals that may never have been able to connect if it wasn’t for a match on Tinder. It is likely that things will stay this way for the foreseeable future, the only hope is that the users are able to grow and adapt so that they don’t fall into the trap of meaningless relationships.

 

References

 

Klein, J. (2022). Are Gen Z more pragmatic about love and sex? BBC.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220104-are-gen-z-more-pragmatic-about-love-and-sex

 

Anderson, M., Vogel’s, E.A., & Turner, E. (2020). The Virtues and Downsides of Online

Dating. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/

 

Holy City Sinner. (2020). Relationship and Technology: How Online Dating Changed

the Game. Holy City Sinner. https://holycitysinner.com/2020/04/20/relationship-and-technology-how-online-dating-changed-the-game/

 

Kuefler, K. (2019). Love at First Swipe: The Evolution of Online Dating. Stylight.

https://www.stylight.com.au/Magazine/Lifestyle/Love-First-Swipe-Evolution-Online-Dating/

 

Hot In Social Media. (2017). 6 Reasons Why Tinder Should Be Treated As Another Social

Media App. Hot In Social Media. https://hotinsocialmedia.medium.com/6-reasons-why-tinder-should-be-treated-as-another-social-media-app-4eee916b1d71

 

Sumter, S.R., Vandenbosch, L., & Ligtenberg, L. (2017). Love me Tinder: Untangling

emerging adults’ motivations for using the dating application Tinder. Telematics and Informatics, 34(1), 67-78. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585316301216

 

Paik, A. (2010). “Hookups,” dating, and relationship quality: Does the type of sexual

involvement matter? Social Science Research, 39(5), 739-753. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0049089X10000700

 

Pym, T., Byron, P., & Albury, K. (2020). ‘I still want to know they’re not terrible

people’: Negotiating ‘queer community’ on dating apps. International Journal of Cultural Studies, 24(3), 398-413. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1367877920959332

 

Dank, M., Lachman, P., Zweig, J.M., & Yahner, J. (2014). Dating Violence Experiences

of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Youth. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 43(5), 846-857. https://www.proquest.com/docview/1512509092?accountid=10382&forcedol=true&pq-origsite=primo

 

Masden, C., & Edwards, K.W. (2015). Understanding the Role of Community in Online

Dating. Georgia Institute of Technology. https://www.cc.gatech.edu/fac/keith/pubs/chi2015-online-dating.pdf

 

Viveros, J., & Dr. Schramm, D. (n.d.). Pros and Cons of Online Dating in Later Life.

Utah State University. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/pros-and-cons-of-online-dating-in-later-life

11 thoughts on “How dating apps have shifted the idea of a ‘relationship’

  1. Jennifer Thomas says:

    Hi Michael
    Your paper was very interesting, I am of the older generation that would be way too frightened to have a go on these assorted dating apps and thank goodness I do not have to.
    I found it interesting to know that it all started for those that struggled in finding relationships, although it does make sense. but now knowing this it has turned into such a profitable business but has turned the younger generations into selfish people that do not want to take the time to actually consider what they are building.
    The scary part of the whole business is the fact that there are people out there using it for malice. I wish that there was some way of sorting that out, for protection of younger, naive people that are genuinely wanting a productive, safe relationship.
    Jennifer

    • Michael Connolly says:

      Hi Jennifer, thanks for your response and sorry for the late reply!

      It is definitely a shame that things have turned to focus on profits rather than building the relationships up. I think that creating more specific terms on these dating apps will actually make a difference. Finding a way to discourage constant swiping and making sure that any swipes are done with meaning is something that i am hoping is looked into in the short-term.

  2. Andrea Dodo-Balu says:

    Good to see your paper in the conference Michael. Would you say Tinder is somewhat of an anti-community?
    Andrea

    • Michael Connolly says:

      Hi Andrea,

      I would 100% say that Tinder is an anti-community. The whole premise of Tinder is to find ‘love’ or a meaningful relationship and that was the community that was meant to be formed. However, the community formed has become the complete opposite, fueled by selfish interests and sexual desires rather than fulfilling and meaningful connections. The community did a complete 180.

      Thanks for your comment.

  3. Erica Lim says:

    Hi Michael,

    Thank you for your paper. I agree that dating apps have become a place where we can seek casual relationships whether it is for hookups or just to have a good time. While I don’t think it is bad, I also don’t think that having a casual relationship is good. What are some ways in which users can adapt and grow so that they don’t enter meaningless relationships?

    I agree that queer communities can use online dating apps to find people they would not usually meet. How do you think the queer community present themselves on dating apps? Does anonymity help with their self-presentation to protect them from harrassment?

    • Michael Connolly says:

      Hi Erica,

      In terms of users finding a way to not enter meaningless relationships; it all comes down to the mindset. It has genuinely never been easier to get involved in hookup culture, society has become intrinsically attached to this culture. It’s easy to hookup without meaning, the challenge is to find meaning and loving connections. The best thing that users can do is to remove expectations and let things come naturally. A lot of relationships stop before they even get started because people are anxious about what could go wrong.

      The queer community, from my research for this paper, are open and proud about their sexuality. There isnt any shame or any reservations about sharing their true selves on dating profiles. Since you can select your sexual preference, there arent as many issues regarding harassment that i initially thought. However, an overall idea, anonymity definitely would help protect them from harassment if it were to ever occur.

      Thanks,
      Michael

      • Erica Lim says:

        Hi Michael,

        I agree that mindset is very important when it comes to relationships. However, I slightly disagree with your point about removing expectations. I think that expectations of respect and how they show intimacy are very important for relationships. Without those expectations, they will still enter into meaningless relationships.

  4. Diana Baric says:

    Hi Michael

    Thanks for your paper. I wonder how much dating apps like Tinder are actually ‘responsible’ for changing attitudes towards long term relationships, and how much is due to growing up in a world where about 50% of marriages end in divorce? It’s harder and harder to think of people in my own life who have been married only once, so are relationships really for life anymore? I agree that sites like Tinder take a lot of the work out of finding people to date, but is it technological determinism to say that it’s the root of the problem? It may be a wider trend finding an outlet online.

    • Michael Connolly says:

      Hey Diana,

      I agree that it may be a little farfetched to say that Tinder is responsible for changing attitudes in relationships. Perhaps my approach it is a little bit too extreme. The percentage of failed marriages is definitely a strong contributing factor to the changing attitudes as well. However, in the 18-25 age bracket, i would argue that the thought of failed marriages isnt in the top 5 list of reasons why people are struggling to commit.

      These dating apps dont take the work out of finding people to date, in my opinion. They make it less work. The only difference is that the mindset of users are toxic and selfish. We live in an individualistic world and as long as people are benefiting themselves then it is going to continue that way.

  5. Sining Chen says:

    Hi Michael,
    Very interesting topic and I understand your point of view very well!I have a friend who has been scammed for online dating. We all know that photos can be embellished and retouched and when my friend met up with her date she found out that her date looked nothing like the online photos.
    What do online dating sites need to do to regulate this behaviour in order to prevent this type of deception?

    • Michael Connolly says:

      Hey Sining,

      Thanks for commenting 🙂

      I am not going to pretend that i am the most educated on the subject. In my personal opinion, the changes that need to be made to prevent deception on dating apps would be around some sort of two-factor authentication. Whereby the apps require more proof of identity such as passports, drivers licenses etc. The only issue with that is that it takes away from the ease of access for these apps. So many people are lying about age, height, weight, appearance etc that they would be deterred from the apps if there was more regulation in place.

      So in summary, that is how i would start to fix things. I just dont have high hopes as it will inevitably impact the profitability and the ‘business’ aspect of these apps.

      Thanks!

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