Abstract
This paper will explore and analyze if whether or not the dating advice related communities, have changed accordingly to the modern style and standard of dating. The paper’s approach will be used to understand and analyze how the dating advice communities, can help people out and if these advices are actually outdated. The essay goes over three online platforms and attempt at explaining how their communities solve problems. After analyzing and reviewing how most platforms perform when asked or given specific challenges related to dating advices, most of them actually do reflect how the modern dating scene works. These communities not only mirror the dating scene, but they also do update their tactics and strategies. It has also been noted that many people who’ve tried these advices come back and give updates of their results and a majority of them are successful. Most advices lean toward the other dating platforms such as dating apps, which communities’ moderators and coaches watch out for in order to keep on being updated on new dating trends or major changes. This paper has shown and defined a lot of issues which are better solved by the online communities with their knowledge of the modern dating circles. Most importantly, this paper was able to clearly illustrate how the world of online dating has made a huge progress in terms of problem solving, while keeping up to date their strategy with an ever changing environment.
Keywords: Conference Paper A1.
Introduction
Ever since the introduction of the internet to our daily lives, almost everything has changed. For example, we have online working, online trading, online shopping, online gaming, and online socializing. A steady increase in the shift from face-to-face courses to online courses has also been recently noted, which called forth a review on the pedagogic practices, to accommodate online tutoring and learning (Barak & Green, 2021). Everything seems to have an online connotation and if not, it is only a matter of time until these get implemented into the online world. Dating was not spared, and today there are many communities across multiple platforms online, which give advices to a lot of people. There has been an increase in the amount of online communities, where each member can connect with one another and thus, creating a huge flow of data, which can be used for a better understanding of a specific market (Liu & Lu, 2018). The traditional dating where couple use to first meet in high school, college, or university is long gone and people seem to wait later on in life to even start thinking about finding a mate to settle with. The question is, to which extent are these advices relevant to the current dating scene, and do they really help people? With an ever changing dating market, so many options, different cultures, races, and preferences, how do these communities keep up? In the following paragraphs, we will attempt to answer these questions by analyzing a few social media platforms such as YouTube, Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, and Tinder, where different types of content and delivery are being used by such communities. Finally, we will check out the famous dating site which is Tinder, for additional insight on the new online dating reality, and hope to get a better understanding of this modern trend.
First and foremost, we have YouTube, which is a social media platform owned by Google, where people can come and share videos of their own making to the public. YouTube is the home to many content creators who have their channels onto there and each of those who are famous have at least ten thousand subscribers who form their community. Nowadays, famous content creators became the main source of information when it comes to dating and overall lifestyle advices and most of the time their content is shared and spread everywhere onto their various social media accounts, pages, or website (Thelwall, 2021). Matthew Hussy’s channel focuses on dating strategies for women who are seeking dating advices to find a suitable long term partner. Then there is the channel of Courtney Ryan, which focuses on helping men find their soulmate. There are many dating coaches or influencers on YouTube who offer advices for dating the opposite gender. Both of these channels use peer reviewed articles, and content from other social media platforms to illustrate what is changing in the dating market and how to adapt to said changes. It is argued that dating in the modern society follows the changes within the economy while the internet and mass sharing serve the purpose of messenger to the population (Minina et al., 2022). These YouTube dating coaches use these bits and pieces scattered all over the internet and put everything together for their viewers. The strategy is well thought over, because at some point they promote either their books, online courses, personal videos onto Patreon, and their face-to-face courses, where they give more value to the other types of information that they are withholding for the purpose of their business. Pickup artists are proliferating online, from its’ dating coaches to its’ relationship expert, all of them are here not only to help people but also to sell their products and services (King, 2017). The most impressive thing today is that, these dating influencers are actually getting a lot of clients and subscribers, mostly due to the modern need of understanding on how things constantly change in the dating market and especially, to stay updated. For example, the YouTube channel of Matthew Hussey has over 2 million subscribers and Courtney Ryan has over 200 thousand subscribers, which shows that people do rely on their expertise to compile research and examples to show the live changes in the dating market.
In addition to that, we also have Reddit an online platform which main purpose is to house thousands of communities where people can come to converse and build connections with others around specific topics. Reddit which describes itself as ‘the internet’s front page’ is a website for social news where it’s users can submit content such as videos, links, images, and texts (Yadav et al., 2021). In the context of dating, there are a lot of communities already established, where people can come and write about their about their dating experience, or to seek help form over members who will comment advices under their post. Some of these communities are for example, r/dating-advice, r/love, r/dating, and r/relationship-advice. Today, it is becoming increasingly common to see people go online for dating advices and Reddit is the most mentioned online platform when it comes to crowdsourcing helpful information for data collection. The subreddit r/relationships for example has their members include their own age and gender as well as their partner’s in the title of their post (Entwistle et al., 2021). These subreddit are indeed huge sources of information, but not all of the advices are accurate or do reflecting the modern dating world. Fortunately, most people who see them, just do a quick fact checking before proceeding to apply these advices to their life. Of course, opinions are divided on reddit’s communities’ trustworthiness but the fact stands and people are still drawn toward free online spaces rather than visiting an expensive expert. For example, on the subject of long distance relationships, there is a constant negative attitude toward its success and the focal point of these negative views mostly come from social media platforms such as reddit (Johnson & Hall, 2021). Reddit shows signs of bias information and the result shows that, most of the time people blindly rely on the subreddit moderators’ advices, which they might not know anything about him/her but still believe that since this person is managing the community, he/she is the most qualified on such a subject. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case because none knows their background, profession, nor their expertise, unlike dating coaches on YouTube who make a living out of it. In reality it depends on how people react to the advice given to them, because in most cases people who seek help in such domains are typically desperate. Thus, maybe this is why they are drawn to catch anything that seems to be a ray of hope. This seems to boils down to the help seekers being desperate and the experts either taking advantage of the situation or genuinely trying to help out.
Furthermore, there are other platforms which offer dating advices to help navigate on the modern means of match making, commonly referred to as dating apps. Facebook and Instagram have their own dating advice pages where people come to talk about dating on such applications such as Tinder. In the recent years, the mobile dating applications’ usage has had an exponential growth, among which Tinder being the leader of the heterosexual market (Duguay, 2017). Nowadays, the hookup culture is mostly prevalent on dating apps such as Tinder, and these groups or pages help people to avoid unwanted proposals and find what they seek. Tinder has been branded the reputation of being a hookup app rather than a serious dating app, where many generations between the ages of 16 to 34 years old come and use it for lust satisfaction (Lee, 2019). The Facebook group known as ‘Rate My Tinder (Advice On All Things Date Related)’ has over 2 thousand members and their goal is to help users with their Tinder profile, how to dress up for which date, how to properly reply to messages, and talk about their good and bad experiences. On Instagram, if someone uses the hashtag ‘#tinderadvice’, the users can find over 500 posts as dating tips for Tinder use. The advices given on those groups and pages are constantly updating with new tips almost every 3 to 6 days, and just like on Reddit, other members of the group can comment under these post to share their own experience using those tips. Studies show that, about 40% of dating app users are single adults from various backgrounds, race, and cultures, and that only 25% of them actually get into a serious relationship (Castro & Barrada, 2020). The advices from Facebook and Instagram are every valuable to those who want to avoid these traps in online dating, and many of these advices are being pulled out of trustworthy sources who present evidence of success, links to scholarly articles, and actual similar experiences and ways to solve or bypass them. Everything indicates that these advices do reflect the reality of modern dating. Despite the new challenge that the hookup culture brought to the dating sphere, people are still finding creative ways to avoid them. A study found that casual hookups use quick encounters with strangers in order to quench their thirst for lust and attain sexual gratification without getting know each other (Licoppe, 2020). It is sad, but the reality of today is that more and more people are thinking in such a way.
To sum up, we analysed how YouTube’s communities and coaches use this platform to promote a new type of business model and create a sense of assurance when it comes to the accuracy and up to date research, we also went over Reddit’s dating advice communities and found that depending on which community a person ends up and if said person does a minimum of research, most of the advices do reflect modern dating, and finally we checked how Facebook and Instagram come in handy to help Tinder users who are in search of a real relationship find it by avoiding the modern hookup culture. In my opinion, the dating scene is going to stay an ever changing environment, where people will always have to come up with new strategies to counter new arising problems in the future. In the end, everything is in the hand of those who take the advices and apply them.
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Download PDF version here: Conference Paper A1
Hi Gregory, I found your paper really interesting and definitely agree that the modern dating scene has transitioned to online. I definitely agree that YouTube dating coaches aren’t only using the platform to give advice and answer questions but also to sell a product or service. Although the dating market is changing and YouTubers are getting subscribers and clients, how do you think these so called ‘experts’ impact the online dating community?
In regards to Reddit, I do agree that people are drawn towards free advice rather than going to an expert. You’ve made an interesting point when you stated that ‘people who seek help in such domains are typically desperate’ – what makes these people ‘desperate’ and how does that affect their connection in that particular community?
You raise a great point in the last paragraph and I agree that although Tinder has a reputation of being a hookup app, people are finding different ways to avoid hook-up culture on such apps and in the modern dating scene. How do you think this culture is impacting online dating communities and reputations of other dating apps?
Hi Andrea, Thank you very much for taking the time to review my work.
To answer your first question, well usually these so called ‘experts’ act as reference points of this particular niche. In terms of impact, they became famous due to their advices, meaning that they did receive positive feedbacks from their first clients, who afterward might have shared their names and attract a bigger audience. On their site they do show a few testimonies from previous clients, and most of them are positive results.
For your second question, nowadays people have less and less time to date, due to personal, financial, and emotional issues, but a common question that is being asked on these communities is ‘how do I flirt?’. This showed that many of them don’t know how to engage with the other gender, which is understandable because the new generations where not properly thought how to. They commonly refer to this knowledge as ‘the game’ for men and for women this is known as ‘the vide’ or the ‘the connection’. They normally don’t have much problem to connect with these communities, I would say that this is mostly shyness.
To answer your last question, well unfortunately, it is the people who practice this culture which dirty these dating apps, thus unless this behavior is banned from these dating platforms their reputation will stay. What is most unfortunate, is that these types of people use multiple online dating platforms to get a better chance at finding someone to hookup with and if they are being banned on some they come back with another identity, making them unstoppable. Apart form giving these online dating platforms a bad name, they also discourage genuine people who are actually searching for something serious on there, and many of them completely quit after attempting a few times while having bad luck.
Now, I know that it is a very personal question but, have you ever found yourself in one of these situations, as in seeking help for matters of the heart but online?
And if yes could you (If feel comfortable enough) share a bit about what exactly where you asking for?
If you never did ask for help online, maybe you could share an advice which you receive face-to-face?
Thank you again for your comment.
Hi Gregory, thanks for clarifying my questions! I definitely agree that people nowadays have less time to date and prioritise other things such as their career etc. and might need people in advice getting dating advice. I also agree that dating app perceptions have been changed by how people use the app and can promote hookup culture by creating several accounts.
I personally have not asked for dating advice online. I prefer to just talk to my friends about my experiences as I don’t believe these so-called ‘dating experts’ would be able to give me the right advice as it’s generic and not personable. However, I did meet my current partner on Tinder (which I know doesn’t have the best reputation) but we’ve been together for almost 3 years, and I know many couples who have met off Tinder as well so it might have a better side not just for hookups. Thanks 🙂
Hi Andrea, thank you for answering these few questions. It is very interesting and true, Tinder did and still does help people form long lasting relationships but just at a lower rate compared to when it was first released as an app. I too personally, never asked for any dating advice online, because as you mentions these advice are mostly generic and do not consider personal, cultural, or geographic factors.
Since you did use Tinder in the past, would you say that Tinder’s environment has significantly changed compared to when you first used it?
Hi Gregory, it’s great to note that there are two sides to Tinder. I wasn’t using Tinder for that long as I was able to connect with my current partner relatively quickly but the environment definitely had the two sides: one trying to find a genuine connection and the other for hookups. I think it depends on what the user’s intentions are and how they execute them for Tinder. For me, it was never for hookups, it was more so for the laughs (which could be another side of Tinder) but I happened to find a relationship. I think Tinder also enables long-distance relationships to form which takes out the hookup aspect (my relationship was long distance at the start). I don’t think the environment has significantly changed but more people are open to talking about finding relationships on Tinder although its reputation is for hookups.
Hi Andrea,
It is true that Tinder has two sides. The Dark side and the Light side, and just like you said it depends on the persons force (Star wars reference).
Would you say that nowadays, Tinder is more like tossing a coin with a 50/50 chance of either finding true love or falling on somebody who just “wants to have fun” but has a good acting?
Hi Gregory, I believe that nowadays a person’s intentions of how they want to use the dating app is crucial and if they have been influenced by society to use Tinder as a hook-up app. I would agree that it is somewhat a 50/50 chance of being on either side of Tinder but you raise a good point that some people can act a certain way to get what they want. Navigating between both sides can be very difficult to manage.
Hi Andrea,
What you said is 100% accurate, it depends on the person’s intention in the first place.
Do you think that since, less and less people are getting married throughout the generations, that we might see and increase in the hookup culture instead of only cohabitation?
Hi Gregory, that’s an interesting thought. I think that people naturally need a physical connection and the decrease in weddings might increase hook-up culture. However, many people look for a physical and emotional connection after going through their ‘hook-up phase’. I think it’s very subjective.
Hi Andrea,
Thank you for your constant reply. Unfortunately, we are running out of time and so I want to thank you for the wonderful conversation we had since the beginning of the conference. Hope everything is going well on your end with the other assignments, and see you next time.
Hi Gregory. It has been a great discussion, I really enjoyed our debate. All the best with everything.
Hi Gregory,
Super interesting topic!
I had no idea that platforms such as Youtube and Facebook had communities helping people navigate the dating sphere so i found that super interesting to read about.
In your last paragraph, I agree with you that Tinder has the reputation of being a hookup app but do you think that the introduction of dating apps such as Tinder has contributed to the change in hookup culture in adolescence due to the ease of simply just swiping?
Would love to hear your opinion and loved reading your paper
-Amy
Hi Amy,
Thank you for taking the time to read my piece.
Indeed, I too was surprised when doing my research, that communities for dating advices actually existed for a long time now.
Well, to be completely honest, I do think that dating apps (including Tinder) did contribute to the hookup culture, but not fully. When you take into consideration that nowadays people have more options than they had in the past, we can imagine how easy it is today. Long ago, couples formed in their neighbourhood, locality, or country, which meant that their options where quite limited in terms of potential mates, and in terms of finding someone to only hookup with. We also need to take into consideration that before, traditions and purity where much more valued than today, which also helped keep the thought of hooking up way out of fear of being judge by the society.
In my opinion dating apps and Tinder themselves, did not directly contributed to the change in the hookup culture. Rather, I would say that fast long distance communication started it all. The first online platforms such as Facebook and Instagram were where the hookup culture first took root, while online dating apps who came later on, became the victim of bad representation and use. Since Tinder is for dating and swiping to find the next date or hookup “in this context” it is to be expected, while Facebook is social media application which focused on something entirely different from dating. In terms of easing the process of a potential mate selection, Tinder did contribute to it, but the initial intent was turned upside down by the people who practice this culture.
I hope that I was able to answer your question. Now if it isn’t too much to ask, what do you think will most probably happen to the future of online dating if the hookup culture keeps on growing on people?
Hi Gregory,
Thanks for the response- I agree with you that the barrier of long distence being overcome with the introduction of the internet, i think this has massivly impacted hookup culture and the spread of it.
In relation to your question, in the coming years with systematic problems in society such as Roe vs Wade being overturned there will be a change in hookup cutlture with people being a lot more cautious of their sexual relations with there not being options for women to safely have abortions. However I do agree that as long as there’s the internet there will always be a hookup culture with access to long distence relationships and meeting new people online rather than just having acess to meeting in person.
What are do you think will happen in the coming years to hookup culture?
-Amy
Hi Amy,
Thank you for your reply, and well concerning your question, I think that the hookup culture will only grow. I say this because, the current trend of the new generations suggest that marriage will become less common or that we will keep is as an option for later on in life. The trend shows that the majority of the younger generations, are more focused on themselves, their career, and their personal dreams, which don’t align with the traditional schedule of the creation of a new family. Hence, why I think that the hookup culture will only grow with more and more generations who only focus on either the search of their soulmate by testing the waters (the various options) and the rest will only use it for fun.
There will still be a few who come in search of true long lasting love, but it will only become more and more difficult from here.
Do you think that in a distant future, the people will start to get back to the root of traditional dating, or will it remain the same?
Hi Gregory,
To be honest yeah I agree with you that hookup culture is just going to keep growing as distance is no longer a barrier in meeting people and I think your point about ‘testing the waters’ is also a very prevalent process haha.
So no I don’t think society will ever have that typical 50’s dating culture not to say that love and romance are dead or anything! I think that the way that relationships are started and maintained has changed over the years with the different social norms.
Thanks for the debate 🙂
-Amy
Hi Amy,
Thank you for sharing you thought on the matter. Unfortunately, we are running out of time and so I want to thank you for the this little conversation, it was very helpful. Hope you are doing well, finalizing your last assignments, and well hope to talk to you again.
Hello Gregory,
Great paper. I am not very knowledgeable on the topic of dating platforms or other online dating communities, and therefore this was an interesting read.
It is very interesting to see how people are gradually shifting more towards digital communities when seeking dating advice or when looking for a partner.
Do you think that these online platforms have contributed to a loss of personal/emotional bonding in the modern dating scene seeing as, like you said, many people use dating apps for casual hookups rather than to look for a long-term partner?
By the way, here is my paper on how fan activities are being carried out online throughout the pandemic: https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2022/csm/412/fandoms-and-the-pandemic-a-safe-haven-amidst-the-crisis/
Hi Dina,
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read my piece.
Concerning your question, I do believe that these online platforms have contributed to a loss of personal/emotional bonding, because all of these new trends like ghosting, hookup, and even speed dating are a clear sign that the online world only degraded our sense of touch with real dating. The hookup culture first started on the normal day to day social media platforms, they just move to the online dating platforms because of their purpose and their features which allowed an easier access to filtering, and swiping the people they were looking for.
Thank you for sharing your paper’s link, I’ll go ahead and take a look.
Do you think that the hookup culture will grow in the future?
Hi Gregory,
Well, in my opinion, since hookup culture has existed since before dating apps became as widely used as they are today, I do think that it will continue to exist in the future and might continue to grow.
I also believe that, while it is true that many people mainly use online dating platforms for casual dating, depending on the users’ wants and the interaction between them and the people they get paired with, these casual dates may, in some cases, gradually evolve into more serious relationships.
If anything, I think that this ability to filter people who possess qualities that users’ don’t want in a partner may be useful and help people find partners who are better suited for them as they continue using these apps.
Once again, however, it all depends on whether the user is looking to settle down with a partner or is only planning to use dating platforms casually.
Hi Gregory, I have really enjoy reading your paper, and i really agree with Mostly of the point sited, where the community is everywhere even on YouTube and on reddit but do you think that it is really reliable because most of the coaches on youtube are here to scam people just to make money?
Personally I am someone who is for the changing in the world and to turn to digital, but for Dating i am someone who is very traditional
But you wrote a great paper that i enjoy reading and keep it up
hope that you answer my questions.
p.s: Here is my paper where i am talking about the impact of social media influencers on the identity of their followers, hope that you read it!
https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2022/ioa/763/impact-of-social-media-platforms-on-online-influencers-and-followers-identity/
Hi Jean,
Thank you for taking the time to read my piece. Pertaining to your questions and based on my research, most of their clients feedbacks, reviews, and overall ratings are positive. Personally, I do a screening first, because like you said there exists a few with ill intentions, but fortunately you can do a filtering and find out who are the genuine one. The relationship advice is a huge niche nowadays, especially online which of course does attract many who only want to take advantage of the situation.
Have you ever tried out an online dating platform:
If yes, could you share a bit about you experience there?
If not, do you know someone who did and could you share their experience?
Thank you for sharing your link, I make sure to take a look.
Hello Gregory. I really enjoyed reading your paper. I knew nothing about Reddit. I did heard about the platform but did not knew about its functions. It was an interesting topic to read as I do not have that much knowledge about dating apps. Youtubers do have an impact on people but i do have 1 question though; do you think these dating apps are trusted source?
Anyways, it was fun reading your paper and good luck.
Kind regards,
Prithvi.
Hi Prithvi,
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read my piece. I am very happy to hear that it helped you get a small insight on the Reddit platform. Now concerning your question, I think that they are trustworthy sources for “dating” but unfortunately, the reputation of these dating apps got tarnished by the people practicing the hookup culture, who took it there.
Unfortunately, we will be running out time soon for the conference, so thank you for your comment and hope to see you next time.
Hi Gregory,
What an interesting paper! I think the new online dating culture is honestly a great way to meet new people and have new experiences. I know a lot of people that go on online dating apps and have actually ended up making great friends or even long term partners. On the other hand though do you think with the rise of online dating apps it could also also inhabit antisocial behaviour as people could just use this to have an online friend/someone to message rather than meet up with? And do you also think this could pose new threats to society with predators and People hiding behind fake accounts being on these apps? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
-J
Hello Jessica,
First of all thank you for taking the time to read my piece. Concerning your first question well, I don’t think that the people will become antisocial, rather they might grow out of it because this type of behaviour is mostly present on online social media platform. Online dating apps will only grow to try to force them out of their house and meet up while social media will only try to box them in.
For your second question, If this scenario were to happen, I do think that it would pose a greater threat to the online society because, they could easily go undercover on multiple accounts and attack multiple person at the same time.
Unfortunately, we are running out of time and so I want to thank you for your comment and hope to see you next time on another assignment.
Hello Gregory,
Your paper is enriching and it comprises of many interesting points and i agree that the current data scene has shifted to online. It’s fascinating to observe how people are increasingly turning to online digital forums for dating counselling or even when seeking for a companion. You also mentioned that Tinder is considered to be a hookup app and it enables to interact with people obline rather than face to face interaction,which is an interesting point, but what are your views on hookup culture in the upcoming years?
Hi Navishta,
First of all thank you for taking the time to read my piece. Concerning your question, I personally think that it will only grow form now on. My reasoning behind it, would be because of the decrease of marriage or postponing it for later on in life. Many other factors can be pushed in on that reason, for example: Finance (Younger generation take longer to accumulate the same amount of wealth their parents did at their age), self-finding (Everyone is trying to live the best time of their life when young, and try as much option as they can), the lack of time (Everything is either on or not on the life schedule because time became one of the most valuable thing nowadays and none wants to waste it), and finally the cultural acceptance (Compared to before when hooking up was shunned by society, nowadays it is much more common and accepted as a normal thing).
Unfortunately, we are running out of time since the conference is ending today and so I want to thank you for your comment and hope to see you next time on another assignment.
Hello, Gregory. I found your paper to be very interesting, and I completely agree that the modern dating scene has shifted to the internet. I completely agree that YouTube dating coaches use the platform not only to give advice and answer questions, but also to sell a product or service. Despite the fact that the dating market is changing and YouTubers are gaining subscribers and clients, how do you believe these so-called “experts” will impact the online dating community?
Hello Gregory,
It was nice reading your paper. I find that the topic you chose is such an interesting one and the discussion you presented is very insightful. I use to say that one can find anything they need on YouTube, but I never thought that there were dating coaches who would make videos giving dating advices, so thanks for making me discover this !
On another note, do you think that in Mauritius, the app Tinder is widely used or Mauritians still look for dates on Facebook and Instagram for example?
Also, I am sharing with you the link to my paper, grateful if you could give it a read and leave a comment : https://networkconference.netstudies.org/2022/ioa/53/online-advocacy-and-tiktok-the-representation-of-transgender-people-in-mauritius/
Best,
Julie
Hi Gregory ,
this is an interesting paper on the dating and hookup sphere , but how far do you think that these dating coaches is a good things or a bad thing in people lives ? do people really need this type of coaches ? i mean we need to be ourself and not try to be someone else and whether ones is trying to date another person he or she will need to love and live with the other self with all his or her perfection and imperfection right ? But if you have been coached online how far do you agree this will help people out there for the longer terms ?