“Why haven’t they replied? What did they mean by that? They never did something like that for me.” Have you ever felt anxious about what your partner is doing online? For digital natives, those growing up with social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, such questions are all too familiar. These platforms have fundamentally reshaped how romantic relationships are formed, maintained, and even dissolved, particularly among Generation Z and Alpha. With the ability to curate idealized portrayals of their lives, users contribute to unrealistic expectations, often leading to dissatisfaction and anxiety in relationships ((Vogel, Rose, Roberts, & Eckles, 2014). “Relationship anxiety is characterized by persistent doubt, fear, or worry within a romantic relationship” (Litner, 2020). Friedl and Tkalac Verčič conducted a study of over 300 adolescent participants regarding their use of social media. Results showed that 91.5% of participants use some form of social media networking platform on a day-to-day basis ((Tkalac Verčič & Verčič, 2013). Features such as real-time updates, public displays of affection, and easy surveillance of a partner’s online activity have created a new dynamic where trust and emotional security are continually tested (Muise, Christofides, & Desmarais, 2013). The impact of social media on romantic relationships is not merely a reflection of pre-existing societal issues, but a transformative force that actively reshapes how individuals navigate love and intimacy (Sophy Love, 2024). This aligns with the broader theme of online networks and social change, as social media is not merely a tool for communication but a catalyst for shifting relationship norms, altering expectations, and redefining emotional security in the digital age. Studies show that social comparison and digital surveillance culture, fuelled by social media platforms, are linked to increased relationship anxiety and decreased relationship satisfaction (Bajaj & Bedi 2021, He, 2018). The digital age, while offering new opportunities for connection, is also fundamentally altering modern relationships, both positively and negatively, highlighting the profound role of online networks in shaping social change ((Vogels & Anderson, 2020).This paper will argue that social media platforms, particularly Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, exacerbate relationship anxiety among Generation Z and Alpha by fostering misleading online identities, promoting digital jealousy, and encouraging unhealthy digital surveillance.

Curation of Digital Identities Impacting Expectations

Social media encourages users, especially Generation Z and Alpha, to present idealized versions of their lives, including their relationships. This fosters unrealistic expectations, particularly in romantic connections, leading to dissatisfaction. On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, couples often share highly curated content, which presents an image of perfection while omitting real-life challenges (Wen, 2024). The dominance of such content, amplified by algorithms, perpetuates a distorted portrayal of relationships, leading younger generations to measure their own experiences against these unattainable ideals. Social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954) explains that when individuals measure their relationships against these idealized portrayals, they often feel inadequate, triggering dissatisfaction and anxiety. TikTok, with its rise in “couple influencers,” further exacerbates this issue, as young viewers internalize these polished depictions, often failing to recognise the discrepancies between online portrayals and reality (Wen, 2024). This constant exposure to curated perfection, especially among digital natives, shapes how young people perceive love and partnership, reinforcing unrealistic standards that contribute to rising relationship anxiety (Smith, 2023). Although these videos may seem harmless, they become particularly influential because they are created by social media influencers, figures whom teenagers often admire and seek to emulate (Stem, 2025).

The social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954) provides insight into this phenomenon. This suggests that individuals evaluate their self-worth by comparing themselves to others, including their actions, achievements, and personal lives. Digital natives frequently engage in upward social comparison, in which they measure their relationships against idealized portrayals of influencer couples (Cherry, 2023). This can create a false sense of inadequacy, fostering dissatisfaction in their own romantic experiences when reality fails to meet these unattainable standards (Smith, 2023). As a result, social media not only reflects but actively reinforces unrealistic expectations about relationships, reshaping how younger generations perceive love and partnership. On social media platforms, hashtags serve as tools on platforms like Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, that categorise content, making posts more discoverable and ensuring they reach a targeted audience through search results and explore pages (Thomas, 2023). The top relationship-related hashtag is #relationship with 90.1 billion views (Wei, Zeng, Kohno, Roesner, & Allen, 2022). The origins of the #couplegoals and #relationshipgoals trend are difficult to trace, yet it has gained global popularity to showcase aspirational relationships across social media (Seven, 2023).

While people engage with these trends for various reasons, educator and administrator Jordan Russell suggests that their appeal stems from a widespread tendency to idealize what is seen on social media. Although seemingly harmless, these trends reinforce unrealistic relationship expectations by presenting a curated, highly selective portrayal of romantic partnerships rather than an authentic reality (Seven, 2023). While social media may promote idealized portrayals of relationships, it could be argued that these platforms also provide access to diverse relationship narratives, as they can offer users exposure to different perspectives on love and partnership (Tkalac Verčič & Verčič, 2013). Some influencers and content creators share candid experiences, including challenges and conflicts, helping to normalise imperfections in relationships rather than solely reinforcing unrealistic expectations (Wen, 2024). Although some influencers do share authentic content about relationship struggles, these narratives are often overshadowed by the dominance of highly curated, aspirational portrayals. Social media algorithms prioritize engagement-driven content, meaning polished, aesthetically pleasing depictions of relationships tend to receive more visibility than raw, unfiltered stories (Metzler & Garcia, 2024). As a result, digital natives are being disproportionately exposed to idealized relationships, reinforcing unrealistic standards rather than challenging them. Ultimately, while social media has the potential to present diverse relationship narratives, the dominance of curated, idealized portrayals significantly influences young users’ perceptions of love and partnership (Smith, 2023). The pervasive presence of curated, idealized content, amplified by algorithmic prioritization, creates unrealistic expectations that leave digital natives dissatisfied with their own relationships. These unattainable standards not only redefine modern concepts of romance but also contribute to growing relationship anxieties, highlighting the significant influence of social media on contemporary romantic dynamics. While social media platforms do offer a range of relationship narratives, the dominance of highly polished portrayals plays a major role in shaping the romantic ideals of younger generations, fuelling the rise in relationship anxiety.

The Role of Digital Jealousy

Social media doesn’t just facilitate connections, it also creates an environment where jealousy and insecurity thrive. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook make it easier for users to access intimate details of their partners’ activities, leading to heightened feelings of jealousy (Gilbert, 2023). This form of digital jealousy has been linked to an increase in relationship anxiety, particularly among Generation Z and Alpha. Exposure to a partner’s online presence, such as their interactions with others or the content they engage with, can provoke feelings of suspicion and dissatisfaction (Neurolaunch, 2024). The public and permanent nature of social media interactions amplifies these emotions, making jealousy more pervasive and harder to manage. As Muise et al. (2009) found, social media-induced jealousy can directly undermine relationship satisfaction, intensifying anxiety and leading to distrust. For younger individuals who have grown up immersed in these digital spaces, the constant visibility of a partner’s online activity contributes to a sense of insecurity, eroding trust and reinforcing unrealistic expectations (Wen, 2024). This cycle of jealousy and anxiety, fuelled by social media, disproportionately impacts younger generations, amplifying relationship stress and diminishing emotional security.

While jealousy can affect individuals across various socioeconomic and demographic backgrounds, the rise of social media, with over 3 billion daily users, has amplified its prevalence in modern relationships (Lee, n.d.). Social media usage is particularly high among, our target audience, adolescents and young adults aged 14-24, who, on average, engage with five different platforms, including Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Snapchat (ROI Growth Agency, 2022

(Pew Research Agency, 2024). This multi-platform engagement increases their likelihood of experiencing digital jealousy (Muise et al., 2013). According to Muscanell and Guadagno (2016), the public and permanent nature of information shared on social media exacerbates jealousy in relationships. For instance, publicly displaying one’s relationship status on Facebook can serve as both an expression of commitment and an implicit declaration of exclusivity. This phenomenon, often referred to as being “Facebook official,” has previously been linked to relationship satisfaction (Mistry, 2015). Hence, when a partner does not indicate their relationship status online, it can lead to dissatisfaction. As previously mentioned, a decrease in relationship satisfaction is closely linked to heightened relationship anxiety (He, 2018).  Furthermore, (Muise et al., 2013) discusses how the public nature of social media means that these private matters can often be exposed to a wide audience, which can intensify feelings of embarrassment or resentment. A more recent study that was conducted in the United States found that 34% of younger partnered adults have experienced jealousy or insecurity in their relationship due to discovery of their partner’s social media activity. These findings further demonstrate how digital interactions influence romantic emotions, reinforcing the connection between social media use and relationship anxieties (Gilbert, 2023).

Although it can be argued that social media can facilitate transparency and connection in relationships, it is crucial to reiterate the generational impact on relationship dynamics (Möller & Jern 2020). Generation Z and Generation Alpha are the primary users of these platforms and are experiencing relationships differently from previous generations due to their digital upbringing (ROI Growth Agency, 2022). Evidence suggests that indicate that younger individuals, who spend a significant portion of their daily lives online, are more susceptible to social media-induced jealousy and anxiety (Muise et al., 2009). Consequently, while social media may offer benefits for relationship maintenance, its effects on younger generations highlight its role in amplifying unrealistic expectations and relationship anxiety rather than alleviating them (He, 2018).  Unlike older generations who may use social media for occasional updates, Gen Z and Alpha have integrated these platforms into their romantic experiences, making them more vulnerable to the pressures of curated portrayals and constant digital surveillance (Elphinston, 2023). The rise of social media usage among younger generations is fuelling digital jealousy, and without fostering open communication and trust within relationships, these platforms will continue to amplify insecurities and unrealistic expectations, escalating relationship anxieties.

Digital Surveillance Culture and Stalking

As social media fosters a culture of constant monitoring, digital surveillance has become a pervasive issue in modern relationships, especially for Generation Z and Alpha. Enabling individuals to monitor their partner’s online activities in ways that can escalate into intrusive behaviour, ultimately blurring the line between transparency and digital stalking (Bajaj & Bedi, 2021). Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok make it easy for individuals to track their partner’s online activities through features like activity status indicators, real-time location sharing, and detailed personal information (Allen, 2024). While some justify this behaviour as a form of care or commitment, research accentuates that real trust in a relationship does not rely on constant monitoring (Müeller & Dehghani, 2020).. Excessive digital surveillance, often seen as a form of “proof of love,” undermines trust and fosters anxiety (Elphinston, 2023). Research conducted showed that 60% of individuals feel discomforted by their partner’s social media monitoring, yet the normalisation of these behaviours makes it difficult to recognise their harmful impact (Gilbert, 2023). Digital stalking social media behaviours include checking someone’s “last seen” status or tracking location on a map app. The incessant checking of a partner’s online activity creates cycles of obsessive behaviour and emotional distress, reinforcing insecurity rather than emotional security (Müeller & Dehghani, 2020). This phenomenon has serious consequences, not only increasing relationship anxiety but also leading to depression, sleep disturbances, and social isolation for those involved in intimate cyberstalking (Toma & Choi, 2020).

While transparency in relationships can build trust, the compulsive monitoring of online activity leads to power imbalances and contributes to unhealthy relationship dynamics (Müeller & Dehghani, 2020). Ultimately, digital surveillance, though often perceived as a sign of care, is a toxic behaviour that erodes trust, deepens insecurities, and exacerbates anxiety within relationships. A recent 2024 study found that 37% of partners admit to tracking their significant other’s social media activity, demonstrating how digital tools facilitate covert observation (Gilbert, 2023). Surveillance is a characteristic of jealousy, commonly seen in individuals who seek to protect themselves from perceived threats in relationships (Tandon & Mäntymäki 2021). Research accentuates that genuine trust in a relationship negates the need for constant monitoring, rather trust involves confidence in a partner’s integrity and reliability without the compulsion to oversee their every action. Unwarranted surveillance can erode the foundation of trust, leading to increased anxiety and diminished relationship satisfaction (Müeller & Dehghani, 2020). Activity status, for example, reveals when a user is active or was last online, which can be misinterpreted and fuel insecurity. This digital visibility heightens relationship distress, leading to cycles of obsessive checking and mistrust (Elphinston, 2023). A study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that limiting social media use can reduce loneliness and depression, suggesting that excessive engagement, especially in the form of digital surveillance, contributes to emotional distress (Müeller & Dehghani, 2020). While monitoring a partner’s online activity may seem like a harmless act of care, it can spiral into controlling behaviour, leading to a breakdown in trust and a rise in anxiety. Among some couples, checking a partner’s phone or tracking their social media is mistakenly considered a sign of commitment rather than control (Elphinston, 2023). However, Ashcraft (2000) argues that younger generations struggle to recognise controlling digital behaviours as abuse because language surrounding abuse has traditionally emphasised physical actions rather than psychological manipulation. This failure to recognise digital surveillance as a form of coercion allows problematic behaviours to persist unchecked (Ashcraft, 2000).

Ultimately, while social media enables connection, it has also cultivated a culture where constant visibility fosters anxiety rather than security (Gilbert, 2023). Without clear boundaries and open communication, digital surveillance can erode trust and encourage unhealthy relationship dynamics, making transparency an illusion rather than a foundation for genuine intimacy (Bajaj & Bedi 2021). The normalisation of digital surveillance through these social media platforms not only distorts the meaning of trust in relationships but also perpetuates unhealthy power dynamics, which fuel relationship anxieties. As Generation Z and Alpha navigate romantic relationships in a hyperconnected world, the ease of monitoring a partner’s digital presence can blur the boundaries between care and control, fostering a cycle of insecurity, jealousy, and anxiety. Without actively redefining digital boundaries and promoting trust based on mutual respect rather than surveillance, social media will continue to fuel relationship anxiety, reinforcing a culture where insecurity thrives over genuine emotional security.

In conclusion, the profound influence of social media on modern romantic relationships, particularly for Generation Z and Alpha, cannot be understated. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, while offering opportunities for connection, are also shaping unrealistic romantic expectations and fostering an environment of digital jealousy, surveillance, and anxiety. The constant exposure to idealized portrayals of relationships, often curated and amplified by algorithms, leads to dissatisfaction, insecurity, and emotional distress among young users (Muscanell & Guadagno, 2016). Furthermore, the rise of digital jealousy and intrusive behaviours, such as digital stalking, highlights how these platforms blur the line between care and control, amplifying unhealthy dynamics in relationships. While social media provides a platform for diverse relationship narratives, it is overwhelmingly the curated, perfection-driven content that dominates, shaping young people’s expectations and distorting their perceptions of love and partnership. To address these issues, social media platforms must evolve. For instance, algorithms could be adjusted to prioritize content that promotes positive mental health, such as uplifting messages and educational materials on managing digital stress, rather than the current obsession with idealized portrayals. Additionally, there is potential for a shift toward more niche communities, where users can engage in more meaningful and authentic interactions, free from the pressures of comparison and unattainable perfection (Fromm, 2023). These changes would foster deeper connections, promoting a healthier digital environment that encourages genuine relationships. However, the responsibility does not lie solely with the platforms. Individuals must also take ownership of their digital well-being by cultivating healthier relationship habits. One crucial step is being mindful of content consumption, curating a digital environment that follows accounts promoting positivity and authenticity, rather than idealized portrayals that perpetuate unrealistic standards (Learning,com, 2024). Furthermore, prioritizing face-to-face interactions and engaging in offline activities can help reduce reliance on digital validation and strengthen real-world social bonds. These habits, when practiced collectively, can mitigate the negative impact of social media on relationships and foster more emotionally secure connections (Toma & Choi, 2020). Ultimately, for social media to be a positive force in relationships, it must be accompanied by a critical awareness of its impact, open communication between partners, and a redefinition of healthy boundaries. As we continue to navigate these digital spaces, it is essential to ensure that social media does not perpetuate harmful patterns of emotional distress and insecurity, but instead contributes to meaningful, authentic, and supportive connections.

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