Abstract: This Paper dives into the many impacts online dating has had on society especially on looking at how we now receive behavior. With more and more people participating in online dating the more and more its negative impacts are brought to light. With changes in what is deemed socially acceptable, a new focus on objectification as well as many motives for online dating being inconsistent. This paper looks at all the dangers of online dating and how it has had a lasting impact upon current society.

Introduction:

Society’s switch to online dating created a dependency towards online interactions and relationships, specifically with the introduction of apps like Tinder making room for various forms of dating to be explored (Sumter et al., 2017) However while theoretically online dating comes with a whole new world of opportunities, such as the formation of lasting intimate relationships between people, it also comes with its many dangers. Online dating culture has created a new norm of socially acceptable behaviors within the dating world. While online dating has been growing in popularity with its notable advantages, the possibility and likelihood of experiencing antisocial behavior is significant (Duncan and March). Social media generated a new way for people to connect from various platforms, with geographical factors not being considered. Online dating is just one sector of the world of social media however arguably one of the most impactful on society currently. Online dating lead app Tinder, being the forefront of online dating has exposed the truth of the true nature of online dating to the world through its growing reputation of disingenuous intentions. The apps public image of being used for seeking hook-ups and casual sex had significant effects on its users, with a lack of coherency between matches and their motivations (Sumter et al., 2017). Having this hook-up culture so normalised in society has led to preconceived expectations for single parties using Tinder and other dating platforms, because of this people have been exposed to antisocial behaviour when expectations aren’t met. Differences between gender and their motivations to engage in online dating have been looked into with a study conducted by Sumter et al., (2017) finding that men often had hopes for casual sex as part of their motivation for joining dating apps in comparison to women who were after long term relationships. Just through understanding the rise and general use of online dating as well as the dangers introduced while participating on dating apps and the hyper fixation on appearance, it exploits how the online dating community has welcomed and allowed antisocial behaviour. Notably while this paper unpacks the various flaws in online dating, the counter argument suggesting that online dating is a positive influence on society is still included in discussion allowing a look in from all angles. This paper aspires to explore how the world of online dating has created new understanding and expectations of what is deemed socially acceptable behaviour with the intricate aspects of dating platforms. Additionally this paper contributes to the conversation surrounding social media and its impact on real life communication and social norms.

The Rise and Fall of Online Dating:

Online dating while a phenomenon some people can’t wrap their head around has notably created a lasting impact on today’s society. With many individuals often avoiding the topic it has had it long road of success. (Anderson et al., 2020) found that 30% of US adults had engaged in some form of online dating, with both reviews of positive and negative experiences. With all the talk and stigma around online dating today it has to be asked the initial and current appeal towards online dating, which acknowledging there differences. Initially the introduction of online dating was in hopes for individuals to meet new people whether that lead to a romantic relationship or friendship, now the overall appeal reaches for casual sex and hook-up culture. With profiles being created through displaying pictures and brief descriptions of personality it has become easy to manipulate the truth and creating false personas online. Dating profiles use texts and images to create a false reality to build up potential fantasies and attractions to other profiles that then are not followed through in real life (Bridges, 2012). The vast majority of motivations for people signing up to dating sights can defiantly be affiliated with its lack of success. Some main motivations for the use of tinder as found in Duncan & March (2019) study were simply for entertainment, time passing and curiosity. While not exactly all behavioural signs of a psychopath it has become completely normal for individual to view online dating as time passing or game, which can only be translated in real life. These attitudes while unintentional are accepted in today’s society with long-term traditional relationships taken less seriously. The so called illusion of intimacy begins through encounters with online user profiles which present photographs and text as a display of said individual person which when exaggerated or wrong just creates a fantasy that just doesn’t become true (Bridges, 2012) Communication styles used on dating platforms can often be far from chivalrous, with sexual innuendos often being used to start conversations and then shallow conversations to follow. The shift from in person meetings to online dating led to the shift from traditional dating; dinner dates, flowers, movies and romance, online dating created a whole new standard to dating of car rides, and casual sex upon first meeting. While all the above points are crucial to my argument it is important to look out the positives of only dating; a whole new range of people are able to meet that perhaps could have never happened before, there is an opportunity to talk and get to know the person before physically meeting creating a hopefully more personal experience. These are just two of the many positives however with the indulgence in antisocial behaviour the cons clearly outweigh the pros.

 

The complete transformation in dating standards is easily a product from the ‘casual’ nature of online dating and it has created a new set of expected behaviours from ‘romantic’ partners. Liquid Love, describing love as a liquid form (not stable) this is hardly close to the words that describe love in countless poems. The idea of commitment is something that isn’t always thought of in a light way but instead as a trap that should be avoided as a grave danger, as when committing to one someone to whatever degree you are closing a door to all other possibilities (Bauman, 2003). This idea best describes the current attitude towards love and relationships in the younger generation right now in society.

 

 

The Scary Side of Online Dating:

Knowingly it can be dangerous just walking down the street, as can online activity including only dating. Meeting complete strangers online and then eventually meeting in person come with a lot of risks, from extremities of criminal acts to people who are rude and pushing for specific outcomes. Anderson et al., (2020) found that many dating app users specifically in the younger female demographic have reported to being harassed or sent non-consensual explicit messages of these platforms. Many users shared the downsides of online dating in this study as many believed it to be a common experience for users to hide and lie about their true identity (Anderson et al., 2020) while from the outside having someone lie about there physical appearance can just have the consequence of being let down upon meeting in person it also can lead to dangerous outcomes as that persons true identity was never disclosed leaving the user at risk if alone. People find it a lot easier to engage in anti social behaviour if their true identity is not disclosed. Due to the nature and set up of dating site 60% of women aged 18-34 on these sites found themselves subject to harassment and continuous contact after expressing their lack of interest (Anderson et al.,2020) these sites make it so easy to contact another, in comparison to someone you meet on the street. Disruption to traditional ways of romantic partners has been evident throughout this research, but also has been found that the behaviour’s and norms surrounding marriage and cohabitation are also changing due to the now online world of dating (Anderson et al., 2020). When looking at antisocial behaviours found on dating site Tinder has been found to host more users displaying such behaviour as well as having ill intentions in comparison to other dating sites, and once again women finding themselves being subjected to harassment and objectification (Duncan & March, 2019) with so many women reporting their experiences of harassment whilst online it is no surprise that this behaviour has become a norm in society. Similar the term ‘keyboard warrior’ where a user hides behind the laptop typing hateful comments online that they wouldn’t say in person, online dating users, especially men find it powerful online as they are able to more freely express their attitudes. Finkel et al (2020) discusses how the use of online media to find intimate partners has a chance of presenting antisocial behaviour in the forms of lack of consent, undesired physical content and even cases of violence. Maybe society does enjoy the frivolous nature of online dating as it doesn’t require a serious attitude towards it but due to vast majority of intentions often behaviours are confused and intentions wrongly assumed leaving so many users at risk to dangerous encounters in the real world. The term ‘romance fraud’ is now used in relation to online dating with users stealing other peoples photos to display on their profiles, creating false genuine relationships online in order to scam their victims (Cross and Layt). To add to the harassment, potential of physical danger as well as scams there hardly many reasons to engage with online dating. Social norms are a big part of which keep society functioning however with so many being misguided it has left many participants of online dating in this case being accepting of behaviour that previously would not have been looked at the same way. It is because of online dating that this research should even be taken seriously as it has become a common occurrence.

 

Appearance and Validation:

One’s physical appearance has become the 21^st century’s hyper fixation as it one of the most important factors for individuals in society. Looking closely at tinder personal information showcased of tinder is often scare and instead focuses on the users physical appearance (Sumter et al., 2017) with physical appearance playing a big part in how users chose who match with on these platforms it also appears to be having an affect internally. Tinder being heavily based around individual’s physical appearance has drawn in users with the psychological need of validation surrounding their appearance (Sumter et al., 2017). A whole new age was born from the fight for men to stop objectifying women, however online dating still sees plenty of objectifying from all genders. These apps and sites are set up to rate and judge people’s physical appearance, which has now once again translated into real life. It is common for individuals to walk around silently rating strangers bases of how they look. Looking at the fact that this wave of appearance infatuation is occurring during the same era of body positivity can be very confusing especially for the younger demographics as people are more likely to spend more time on their appearance then studies of hobbies, (current gym frenzy). Many platforms are photo heavy with tinder requiring a paid subscription to actually add more about a person’s personality on their profile. This current obsession with peoples looks has definitely resulted from online dating as user spend quality time simply choosing who ‘looks good’ and doesn’t. It is a conflicting time for young people stuck between new progressive gender norms and those that are being completely influenced by dating sites.

 

Conclusion:

Putting all of this together it is more than clear how online dating culture has created a new norm to what is deemed socially acceptable behaviour. While looking at the many different aspects of online dating specifically how it has led to negative behaviour the encouragement for this behaviour becomes evident. The rise of online dating resulting in different intentions between people and a increase of those participating in hook up cultures, to the literal dangers and harassment women especially face through this online community to the fixation and objectification on appearance currently my thesis is explored thoroughly and supported with many examples. Online communities for a while have had impact towards social change and the way society interacts and thrives, online dating is just one example of the complexity provided to us via social media. Maybe you can meet your soul mate online, but chances are they come along with all the behaviours taught them whilst online, either way online dating platforms create monumental change in society.

 

 

 

References

Anderson, M., Vogels, E. A., & Turner, E. (2020, February 6). The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating. Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech; Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/02/06/the-virtues-and-downsides-of-online-dating/

Bauman, Z. (2003). Liquid love : on the frailty of human bonds. Polity Press ; Malden, Ma Usa.

Bridges, J. C. (2012). The illusion of intimacy : problems in the world of online dating. Praeger.

Cross, C., & Layt, R. (2021). “I Suspect That the Pictures Are Stolen”: Romance Fraud, Identity Crime, and Responding to Suspicions of Inauthentic Identities. Social Science Computer Review, 40(4), 089443932199931. https://doi.org/10.1177/0894439321999311

Duncan, Z., & March, E. (2019). Using Tinder® to start a fire: Predicting antisocial use of Tinder® with gender and the Dark Tetrad. Personality and Individual Differences, 145, 9–14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.03.014

Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3–66. https://www.jstor.org/stable/23484637

Sumter, S. R., Vandenbosch, L., & Ligtenberg, L. (2017). Love me Tinder: Untangling emerging adults’ motivations for using the dating application Tinder. Telematics and Informatics, 34(1), 67–78. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tele.2016.04.009