Paula Broucek

 “Humanity is something more than species: it is a historical development; it is to be defined by the manner in which it deals with its natural, fixed characteristics, its facticité” (de Beauvoir, 1997, p. 725).

Social Networking Sites provide a perfect place to meet people to date. Over past years online dating has become a competitive internet industry that attracts people from all corners of the world. Generally, online dating services target marriage-minded people or those seeking long term relationship. Online dating services focus on match making service that is based on personal profile advertising mechanism. However, is online dating offering the same personal profile as it would be in the real life where the profile is recorded in person in dating service agency? I will argue here that personal profiles are often modified in order to increase its success in being noticed amongst other thousand of profiles that are advertised on online dating agency’s website. When the actual transition from online communication to real face-to-face communication eventuates a focus is given on identifying the person they met online and comparing with person they are presented in face-to-face situation. A fundamental question is often asked – Is that person in front of me the person that I was looking?

It can be argued that person’s self-esteem is higher in cyberspace leading individuals presenting themselves from favourable perspective seeking interaction that will focus upon positive aspects of their personal profile. A sense of control is huge benefit when communicating through online social networking including online dating websites. The sense of control enables person to create a profile that will be of greater satisfaction with oneself. However, the cyberspace is not our entire existence and eventually, we cannot fool ‘others’ and ourselves.

My second argument in this paper will address a percentage of cases where person’s intention is not seeking a relationship but other benefits for example financial or gaining entry to country and of more serious criminal type. This can be further supported by presence of the safety tips on online dating agency websites (RSVP, n.d.). The tips are very similar across the services’ websites. Most of the tips are of sensible nature and provide information on how to be observant about person’s ‘online behaviour’. For example, is the other person making unusual requests or giving strange questions?

Online dating service is business like any other and besides offering a social networking specifically for dating it also supposes to generate a profit for the business owner of the service. Joining online dating sites is very easy and it instantly opens a world of strangers that wait to be selected from thousands of profiles floating in the cyberspace. Some agencies have ‘compatibility tests’ that assist with right personal profile selection. Prepared profile to fit ‘match’ is then released for a service fee. The matchmaking communication then rests with online dating members.

According to the online dating Industry many successful marriages were formed through online dating. It is one of the positive outcomes of using this kind of service (RSVP, n.d.). In the past, not everyone was feeling comfortable admitting they found a partner through Internet dating as it was considered not in line with traditional ‘mating’ or marriage seeking approach. However, exposure to social networking and Internet communication gradually removed reservations and personal discomfort in admitting that technology assisted in match-making resulting in marriage.

Traditional views are being influenced by technology and so is our culture and religion. While technology can be embraced for giving people an opportunity in finding their soul mate across the world in just few minutes, it can also present them with people who can embrace technology for making themselves better than in real life or even worse, with people who want to gain a benefit from other person. Unfortunately, misuse of online dating services has even resulted in tragedies and crime. Most recent case involved 51 year old man who murdered 15 years old girl. The murderer ‘groomed’ the girl online using a fake identity pretending to be 20 years old man. The murderer was put behind bars so he won’t be able to reoffend for many years to come (Kinkade, 2010).

To support both my arguments it is necessary to further analyse how identities are usually produced in digital media and what are the processes in general. Creating someone’s online identity is a process determined by the individual. People make their own decisions about how they would like to be viewed by public and how to present themselves in public. While they have no control over how they will be perceived by the public no matter what profile they will represent, they can have full control over how they present themselves either online or in the real life.

Weber and Mitchell (2008, p. 43) compare the process of identity production with ‘bricolage’. ‘Bricolage’ is a French term used in many disciplines to refer to “the use of only the materials or tools at hand to achieve a purpose” (“bricolage,” 2005), and in this instance, it is referring to a construction of identity as a process as well as a product. The identity construction online offers a greater flexibility and anonymity due to nonexistent physical clues of the person. In the real world people present themselves to fit public or private image.

Donath (1999, p. 29) presents another view on identity and the virtual community. She argues that identity is ambiguous and that the body provides a stabilising anchor. Information spreads and diffuses in virtual world and inhabitants diffuse, free from the body’s unifying anchor. Her view is that one can have as many electronic personas as one has energy and time to create. In agreement with her view on unlimited potential for many electronic personas, this supports the argument that creating an identity in digital world is part of personal choice given particular circumstances.

A lot of time is invested in creating personal profiles for online dating because that first impression counts and we all want to succeed. One person wants to succeed in attracting an interest from the other person. Dating online is just the initial stage of the actual intended dating. An invitation for real date will transit online relationship to real face-to-face meeting. A formed relation online will be put to the test. At the real date people will try to verify all the facts they discovered about each other while communicating online. A question ‘Is it really you that I was looking for’ will be a central focus during a real date. Person’s physical features will be compared with a photo published on website. There will be new physical features to be discovered that online dating cannot reveal for example person’s voice. Meeting face-to-face will be a new experience leading to either continuation of the relationship online and in real or simply it will be the last one due to not matching the expectations that was formed during online relations. Meeting person in real that does not match the profile created on online will be disappointing experience not to mention waste of invested time spent on online communicating. This negative experience may be discouraging person from joining online dating in future.

A length of online dating may also affect the actual dating. According to Ben-Ze’ev (2004, p. 130) Deb Levine argues “people who let attractions to build online for long periods of time often have falsely raised expectations, leading to proportional disappointments” RSVP dating online site mechanism is based on paying ‘RSVP stamp’ that will open contact channel for 30 days to send e-mail, and it also allows chatting online. This is a period of time to get to know the person prior exchanging personal details and meeting in person (RSVP, n.d.).

It is arguable how long people should be getting to know each other online. Everyone needs their own time to get to know the other person and to be certain that the other person is meeting certain expectations. Also verifying that person’s intentions are genuine that can lead to a meaningful relationship in real life.

“The imaginary nature of cyberspace makes it easier to idealize the other and idealization is an essential element in romantic love” (Ben-Ze’ev, 2004, p. 19). Interactivity is main features what distinguishes cyberspace from other imaginative realities. Perhaps more rational interaction online may assist with reaching a goal in finding person one is looking for relationship in real life.

I see the cyberspace as just an alternative environment providing people with easy access to desired options – in this instance finding a soul mate. The cyberspace is also highly available environment accessible to thousands of people that are connecting from home, work, hotels etc. The great accessibility and convenience of cyberspace make it so convenient for people to join the online dating services. The cyberspace presents venue for seductiveness leading to cyber-romance and cybersex.

Viewing dating from business perspective, there is high competition in online dating shifting each profile into categories searched by socio-demographic preference. There is natural tendency creating personal profile that will match a stereotype category or in other words ‘ideals’ and as described on one dating directory: “How would you describe an ideal marriage partner? Mature, got a sense of responsibility, cheerful, caring, understanding, honest, kind-hearted, having a financially stable income, knowledgeable, able to take good care of the family, loves me dearly and etc” (Valens, 2005). Is there anyone like that in real world? Person’s personal photo may also be slightly modified to look more attractive and/or younger giving more chances to succeed in finding a desired relationship. Access to photo editing software is nowadays accessible by many PC users and simple enhancements of photos are quite easy to done by anyone with bit of experience using PC.

I argue that there are artificial individual identity profiles in cyberspace that are leading to pointless face-to-face meeting in real life. Dating online presents a certain degree of risk that everyone should be taking into account when entering into this type of dating. It is necessary to draw a line between online and offline worlds. Deliberate strong modification of one’s personal profile is morally negative. It virtually robs other person of accessing credible information in cyberspace especially in environment where credibility is highly valued in creating a relationship.

It is necessary to draw a line between online and offline worlds in online dating. While minor personal enhancements online dating are excusable, serious enhancements are destructive affecting people’s experiences gained from online dating. The online dating can be socially enriching experience for anyone looking for relationship; however online world presents a certain degree of risks and disappointments that should be taken into account when considering the online dating services.

Bibliography

Ben-Ze’ev, A. (2004). Love Online: Emotions on the Internet. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

. bricolage. (2005) The Macquarie Dictionary: The Macquarie Library Pty Ltd.

de Beauvoir, S. (1997). The Second Sex. London, UK: Random House.

Donath, J. S. (1999). Identity and deception in the virtual community. In M. A. Smith & P. Kollock (Eds.), Communities in Cyberspace. London and New York: Routledge.

Kinkade, L. (2010). Internet Predators. On Today Tonight.

RSVP. (n.d.). RSVP – Where more Australians meet.   Retrieved April 1, 2010, from http://www.rsvp.com.au

Valens, R. (2005). Finding Your Ideal Partner.   Retrieved April 1, 2010, from http://www.dating-directory-review.com/finding_your_idea_partner.htm

Weber, S., & Mitchell, C. (2008). Imaging, Keyboarding, and Posting Identities: Young People and New Media Technologies. In D. Buckingham (Ed.), Youth, Identity, and Digital Media. Cambridge, Massachusetts: The MIT Press.