How many “friends” do you have?

28/04/2010 MilanaK 78 comments

How many “friends” do you have?

Social networking sites have become very popular in today’s world. It is enough to take a walk through offices and trains and observe what people do in these environments to understand the level of importance these sites present to people. It is also enough to walk through parks, cities and restaurants during the late afternoon or evening to realise the absence of what once used to be a buzzing environment populated with people making or maintaining friendships. It is quite rare to see teenage kids play, run around, make friend and love relationships. These activities seem to have descended into the virtual world where these same teenagers today spend time socialising and playing games with friends online, some even finding love online. They no longer “hang out” with five friends but rather with 200 or more friends. As such, it is worth arguing that in today’s world, people have more friends but less (emotional) friendships. The paper looks at why people spend more time trying to create and maintain online friendships with no emotional connection while disregarding real friendships as well as impact “friends” (virtual contacts) have on “friendships” (emotional contacts).

Boyd and Ellison (2007) define social network sites as web services that allow individuals to develop a public profile, articulate a list of other users with whom they share some form of a connection with and view and traverse their list of connections and those made by others within the system. Other than the obvious, communicating and networking with people who are already in their social network, such websites also enable people to develop new relationships/networks with people with similar interests, develop new business opportunities, share photos, music and videos and operate number of applications available on these websites (games, dating application, page modifications and others). People are able to control who sees what information and who they do and do not want to be “friends” with. Some specific references will be made to Facebook and MySpace but general information relates to any social networking website.

The top five social networking sites, as recorded in February 2009 by Kazeniac (2009) are Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Flixter and Linkedin. There are 54 million MySpace users (Schesser, 2006) and 175 million active Facebook users (Smith, 2009). But why do these social networking sites attract such high number of members which seem to substitute face to face socialising with online socialising? One of the ways in which this can be partially explained is by looking at why people use social networking sites and what motivates them to favour online socialising over traditional face to face socialising.

Before any theories or arguments are presented, it is important to understand the difference between virtual communities and ‘real’, offline friends. Ridings and Gefen (2004) refer to virtual communities as people with shared interests or goals where the communication is a primary form of interaction. On the other hand, a friend is defined as a person who gives assistance and support, is attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard (Dictionary.com, 2010). In the case of offline friends or networks these incorporate family members, friends and anyone a person may have a close relationship with and socialises face-to-face on regular basis and possibly online. As the definition proposes, virtual communities are just groups of people with similar interests or life situations. Even though some of these might develop into real friendships, not all of them can.

These friends, while they might provide you with information, suggestions and help, will not be there where physical presence is required and are not likely to provide help and support when needed. These, for example, might include financial and emotional support as well as regular support and assistance. The reason behind this lack of personal support is that, while they might feel sorry for you, there is no emotional connection and they have 200 other friends, just like you, to deal with as well. Close, ‘real’ offline friends, as defined, will be there no matter what, at any time of the day and provide any help they can as they are emotionally connected to the person.

An article by Bernstein (2009) confirms this argument by talking about a personal situation where her friendship went wrong when it was taken online. Face-to-face and regular communication declined to instant messaging, Facebook ‘friending’ and ‘tweeting’. She was even faced with people’s claims of being too busy to pick up the phone, send a reasonable email but not busy enough to spend hours on social networking websites uploading photos, forwarding quizzes and other activities. A psychologist, Patricia Wallace, implies that “typing lacks the nuances that can be expressed by body language and voice inflection” (Bernstein, 2009). These sort of virtual imperfections leaves a person feeling alone as typing the word of sympathy is not the same as providing a shoulder to cry on when needed or a hug when happiness needs to be expressed. Only true friends in their presence can provide these necessities to every person’s emotional state.

Before referring straight to general academic research, an interesting article by Boyd (2008) focuses on quotes and information from teenagers on why they use MySpace and motivation that may lie behind it. First captured quote refers to Skyler’s (18 years old) conversation with her mum in which she says “If you’re not on MySpace, you don’t exist.” Another teenager’s response on why they joined MySpace was simply: “Cuz that’s where my friends are” and when asked what they do there the response was “I don’t know…I just hang out.” Another typical response to why they spend long hours there: “Because I was bored.” What can be drawn out of this information is that there is peer pressure to be a member of such websites. Teenagers do it for reputation and social status. Not existing just by not being a member of MySpace sets expectations teenagers think they have to meet in order to fit in. Using such networking websites because of boredom could also impact on their academic performance, time spent with their families and quality of relationships they should be maintaining in real life. People in this age group require a lot of emotional support which cannot be provided in a virtual world for reasons specified in the paragraph above but rather require a close group of people or friends they can rely on and who can offer them that emotional support they need. Other, more general and repetitive reasons are outlined below.

First motivational reason might be maintaining existing relationships regardless of how weak they might be. Ellison, Steinfield, and Lampe (as cited in Boyd and Ellison, 2007) suggest that rather than meeting new people, Facebook is mostly used to maintain existing offline relationships which may be weak but typically contain some form of common interests (went to the same class or school, worked together, etc). Other authors, such as Lampe, Ellison, and Steinfield (as cited in Boyd and Ellison, 2007) found that Facebook users search for people with whom they have an offline connection, more than they “browse” for new people to meet.

The reason for the need to maintain these relationships was further explained by another author where they first identify that 51% of users are aged between 18 and 24 (Bumgarner, 2007). This information is quite important when historical facts are considered. Bumgarner (2007) states that in 1950 the median age of marriage for men and women were 22 and 20, respectively. Today, this median age has increased by 5 years in both genders. The way the author describes this phenomenon, is that to fill in the gap, between not being with their original families while looking for their new families, people in this age group are relying on their networks of friends and as such use Facebook (and other social networking sites in the same stream) to maintain and build their relationship networks. But how strong are these networks people are relying on and are they going about it the wrong way? No one can expect to rely on the 200 networks they might have in their Facebook contact list. Family, either current or new, needs nourishment and attention. This gap between the family transactions might give unrealistic expectations to people and might create problems in both current and future family ties. Family members don’t want to meet on Facebook every few days, they want to see their family members, share their feelings, attend functions and provide and request support when needed. Family and close friends provide all these requirements that every human needs and lives off. Abandoning these responsibilities damages emotional networks and while people might expect to receive the same treatment from their virtual networks that is not always the case. Increase in friends but decrease in friendships would be very common in this situation. Spending time online, decreases time people could be spending nourishing and maintaining relationships they need for comfort and healthy emotional state.

However, this is not the only reason people use social networking sites, in this case Facebook. An online student survey, on possible motivations why people use Facebook, was done in North Carolina and reported in Bumgarner’s (2007) article with following results:

Voyeurism – people can use profiles of various users to find other people to relate to, gain knowledge about others, and boost self-esteem by deriding others.
Exhibitionism – a need to express identity, the need to validate their social viability and the need to disclose personal information in order to develop a relationship.
Social activity – users look at people’s photos, read their profiles with their friends and talk about them and show friends who someone else is. Basically, Facebook serves as a primary facilitation for gossip.
Serves as a directory of friend’s contact information eliminating the need for address books.
Initiates relationships – users can meet new people.
Entertainment – read and write on people’s profiles and look at their photos
Collect, organise and feel connected to friends.
While a possible motivation, having Facebook account because someone else does was not a primary motivation for why people use Facebook.

All the motivations listed above seem to answer the question of why people have more “friends” than “friendships”. Researchers have even devoted their time to understand why this is happening with many contradictory views. Boase and Wellman (2004) relate to writers that believe internet created potential that would revolutionise society for the better as utopian writes and believers that internet destroys community; leaving individuals isolated and alienated are referred to as dystopian writers. Both arguments are logical and can be correct at the same time, depending on how much each individual spends time on online socialising. Internet has created an opportunity to communicate with more people at the same time and at different geographical locations, where other forms of socialising might not be possible. If this opportunity, within reasonable timeframe, is taken advantage of, enough time can be made for offline networking.

However, to argue that dystopian writers are correct without acknowledging the timeframe spent on this activity can be misleading and opens room for debate. While the article concludes that internet is not associated with declines in time spend with friends and family, and therefore agrees with the utopian writers, this can be argued further. Taking an average working (9am-5pm) person or a school student, as an example, shows that if a person spends most of his or her time at work, or at school, and then socialises on internet for long periods of time, when would they have the same amount of time to spend with family and friends as opposed to if they didn’t have the internet. Time spent on online social networking has increased by 82% from last year (Ries, 2010). This can only suggest that since there is such a massive increase in online social networking that opposing view of dystopian writers might be “the next correct” theory. Ronca (2010) states that experts claim that lack of face- to-face communication can affect a person both socially and physically.

Further research exists that finds a relationship between online networking and loneliness. Coget, Yamauchi and Suman (2002) note that online relationship ties are weaker as opposed to face-to-face relationship ties. A study available in their report also finds that people feel less lonely the more they practice face-to-face socialising, while online socialising increases loneliness.

Bigge (2006) (as cited in Jones, Millermaier, Goya-Martinez and Schuler, 2008), suggests that users accumulate friends in order to increase their social capital. According to Rosen’s (2006) study (as cited in Jones, Millermaier, Goya-Martinez and Schuler, 2008), however, MySpace users have on average 200 friends, while many of them they never met face–to–face and some of them are added just to avoid the awkward moment of rejecting them. While arguments that online socialising increases networks might be correct, how many of these are actually meaningful to an individual, how many of them actually develop into any form of a relationship and to what depth in order to provide any satisfaction or benefit.

To develop and maintain any kind of a relationship with this many people, 200 friend average, a person would have to spend a lot of time online which would reduce time spent with offline networks with whom they already have strong bonds with and who can provide them with scarce resources and emotional support. If, on the other hand, people with such high number of networks do not spend enough time to build and strengthen those relationships, they will be meaningless and therefore rescind the argument that online socialising increases networks. They might increase the number of their friends list but hardly create worthwhile friendships. Accumulating friends in order to increase social capital does not increase friendships and networks but rather creates an image for a person. While it can be argued that better social image can be satisfying and of benefit, the relationships with those people are not real.

While online community interaction can be beneficial in terms of long distance socialising, replenishing long lost relationships, meeting new people, entertaining and sharing, it is quite evident that long term effects of ‘over the top’ online networking can have a negative impact on close tie relationships. While it may not be evident at first, certain relationships are abandoned or moved to online relationships which decline over time. Online communication and networking is encouraged to the point where it doesn’t have a great affect on ‘offline’ contact that are more emotional connected to the user. Motivations outlined in this report provide reasoning for people having more “friends” and impacts of these actions provide the explanation for why people are having less “friendships”.

Reference List

Bernstein, E. (2009). How Facebook ruins friendships. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465849142.html

Boase, J. & Wellman, B. (2004). Personal relationships: On and off the internet. Oxford: Blackwell

Boyd, D. (2008). Why youth love social network sites: The role of networked publics in teenage social life. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://www.mitpressjournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1162/dmal.9780262524834.119?cookieSet=1

Boyd, D. M. & Ellison, N. B. (2007). Social network sites: Definition, history, and scholarship. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol13/issue1/boyd.ellison.html

Bumgarner, B.A. (2007). You have been poked: Exploring the uses and gratification of Facebook among emerging adults. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://firstmonday.org/htbin/cgiwrap/bin/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/2026/1897

Coget, J.F, Yamauchi. Y, & Suman, M. (2002). The internet, social networks and loneliness. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://www.ITandSociety.org

Dictionary.com. (2010). Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/friend

Jones, S., Millermaier, S., Goya-Martinez, M. & Schuler, J. (2008). Whose space is MySpace? A content analysis of MySpace profiles. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://firstmonday.org/htbin/cgiwrap/bin/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/2202/2024

Kazeniac, A. (2009). Social networks: Facebook takes over top spot, Twitter climbs. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://blog.compete.com/2009/02/09/facebook-myspace-twitter-social-network/

Ridings, C.M. & Gefen, D. (2004). Virtual community attraction: why people hang out online. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol10/issue1/ridings_gefen.html

Ries, T. (2010). Time spent on social networking sites increased 82% in last year. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://socialmediaatwork.com/2010/02/22/time-spent-on-social-networking-sites-increased-82-in-last-year/

Ronca, D. (2010). Are social networking sites addictive? .Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://computer.howstuffworks.com/internet/social-networking/information/social-networking-sites-addictive.htm/printable

Schesser, S. (2006). My space on the record: The admissibility of social website content under the Federal Rule of Evidence. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://firstmonday.org/htbin/cgiwrap/bin/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/1419/1337

Smith, J. (2009). Facebook surpasses 175 million users, continuing to grow by 600k users/day. Retrieved March, 30 2010, from http://www.insidefacebook.com/2009/02/14/facebook-surpasses-175-million-users-continuing-to-grow-by-600k-usersday/

Social Networks Facebook, friends, offline socialising, online socialising, social networking sites, social networks, Virtual Community

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Written by Nora about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana, interesting paper! I was just wondering, what do you think about people who makes a lot of friends on Facebook just for popularity. Because I know a lot of people (especially the younger generation) who likes to compete on Facebook to see who has more friends and supposedly the one with more friends is more popular. What do you think about this?
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Nora
  
  I think its a sad case of having to prove yourself to other people with something thats not even real. Having so many so called “friends” does not say anything about you as a person rather than being a “try hard”. Whats the point of having 5000 friends when you might know a small percentage of them. Having so many people on your friends list does not make you popular because if anyone, in real life, on that list is asked about that “popular” person they have added, they probably won’t even know who they are talking about.
  
  I mean anyone can send thousands and thousands of friends requests. I’m quite sure that at least half of them will accept so I don’t see how that can make you popular. Popularity is acquired through person’s communication skills, personality and other personal attributes so unless you’re gonna play a clown every day on facebook I don’t see how that will work. But even then, what one person finds interesting someone else might not, so even being a clown might not work
  
  Hope that makes sense.
  
  Milana
Written by Angela F about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,

Thank you for an interesting paper. Your paper raised a few issues for me; firstly, is there any research to support your claim that there are less people hanging around with friends in public spaces because they are rather socialising online? From the academic papers I have read through this course, most argued that although there is an increase in online socialising, this is not a substitute for offline friendships.

Furthermore, there is a distinction to be made between Friend (capital F) and friend (little f). Friend (capital F) is the term used by social networking sites (SNSs) to attribute to a person one has added to their network; this term is not to be confused with the true sense of the word, friend (with a little f), which infers a person someone is in a close relationship/friendship with.

I agree that 200 Friends on a SNS is not the same as 200 friends – this is your paper’s argument and it is something most users would be fully aware of: their 200 SNS Friends are simply a collection of acquaintances, colleagues (past and present), family members, friends-of-friends-of-friends, and to be flippant, those-they-once-shared-the-same-air-with, etc. This collection of people is something quite distinct from their close circle of friends. The purpose is not to maintain deep, meaningful friendships with these 200 Friends. These people are weak ties, as such the relationships can be “meaningless” (MilanaK, 2010) – they aren’t meant to deliver “emotional support” (MilanaK, 2010).

For me, online socialising with Friends is not a substitute for offline socialising with friends, as such I don’t agree that “online networking can have a negative impact on close tie relationships” (MilanaK, 2010). I feel you could have argued more why you feel people – through socialising online – they then “disregard[] real friendships” (MilanaK, 2010). I feel both sets of friends play different roles in our lives – roles which we’re easily able to distinguish from one another.

Ange
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Ange
  
  Firstly, claim that there are less people handing out with friends in public spaces is my personal observation, I just wasn’t allowed to say that in the paper. Rather I have done it as an introduction, without references as a creative way to begin the paper. As I say that, it wasn’t creative writing that I just made up. It was my personal observation as I’m seeing less people outside but if I log into Facebook my chat list extends beyond the size of the page. What this indicates to me is quite obvious, people are socialising (or what ever else they are doing) online rather than offline.
  
  As you have agreed, online socialising is increasing, right? Well if online socialising is increasing, then offline socialising is decreasing. If you’ve done economics, this might make a bit more sense. If you’ve got 5 hours to socialise and in the first month you spend 1 hour on online socialising you’ve got 4 hours for offline socialising. If the next month you increase online socialising to 2 hours, now you’ve only got 3 hours for offline socialising. And once you reach 3 hours on online socialising, you are spending more time ‘online’ then ‘offline.
  
  Also other thing that has to be considered is what people do while they are on Facebook. I also found, after doing this paper, that people spend a lot of time playing games such as Farmville, MafiaWars, CafeWorld, Texas Hold’em etc. If you look at links below you will find an astonishing number of active Farmville users and people’s confession about how much time they spend playing games. It ranges from 2-8 hours, where people are re-organising their lives to make sure they crop their fields on time. I like to call this self socialising because you’re really entertaining yourself not other people. Now if you take that into consideration you will see that face to face communication has to be decreasing.
  
  However, I’m not claiming that offline socialising is dying out or completely gone, I’m just saying that its decreasing and effecting some relationships without people noticing.
  
  Thanks for your comments Ange.
  Milana
  http://www.facebook.com/WYFF4?v=feed&story_fbid=274871446254 (it is a discussion posted on the wall so you might have to look for it)
  http://www.facebook.com/FarmVille?v=info
  - Written by Angela F about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hi Milana,
    
    I’m going to raise the point that just because online socialising is increasing doesn’t mean offline socialising is decreasing – for instance, people’s offline socialising can be remaining the same, with their offline socialising rather replacing activities such as watching TV. If this is the case then people would be, overall, socialising more.
    
    Although… if the research showed that by watching less TV – maybe something they did with their family – then their online socialising would be taking them away from their family… thus supporting your argument that it’s “decreasing and [a]ffecting some relationships without people noticing” (MilanaK, 2010).
    
    I’m loving this conference. It’s great to read papers and to engage with them.
    
    Thanks for the discussion All the best for assignment 2 and 3!
    
    Ange
Written by Ran. A about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana:

Your paper is quite interesting to read. With more and more internet users choosing to live in the virtual community, the new communication technologies are reshaping our conceptions of communication and community. The social networking sites allow people to communicate with more than 100 or 300 online friends at same time, but the friendship appears the trend of weak tie. How many friends do I really have? I think most SNS’s users have been asking the same question.

Although internet users involve into online socializing and games, I still believe the majority of children and teenagers still have passion to meet and play with friends physically instead of socializing with sitting in front of the computer all the time.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Ran
  
  I agree with everything you said, including that people still have the passion for offline socialising. I just think that that passion is decreasing and people are satisfied with less of it.
  
  When I was little, I didn’t have facebook, computer games, PS etc (mind you I’m 24 years old, so it wasn’t that long ago) so I didn’t have a choice but to go out and play unless I wanted to die of boredom. Today, kids, teenagers and adults have more options for entertainment, which they are taking advantage of to the point of addiction. Europa (2009) even published a report on how to control facebook games addiction. Im not sure how much I agree with this article but what I’m trying to show is that it exists because addictions do exist. The reason why I don’t completely agree with the report is because rather than telling people to step away and live their lives it tells them on how to manage it more effectively. So I’ve used it as an example only.
  
  Then there is report by StudentStuff (2009) that tells you how to break a Facebook game addition. It amazing how easy it was to find these articles just by “Google-ing”
  
  Thanks for your comments Ran.
  
  http://gameolosophy.com/games/how-to-control-your-facebook-games-addiction/
  
  http://www.studentstuff.com/2010/01/28/how-to-break-a-facebook-game-addiction/
Written by TrinaW about 2 years ago. Reply

A very interesting and logical paper. You may be interested in a report by Nie and Ebring in 2000 which actually looked at what activities suffered when people spend a lot of time online. They said that those who spent 10 hrs or more online each week did not spend less time with families and friends but actually spent less time watching TV or reading Newspapers. The link is

Nie, N., & Ebring, L. (2000). Internet and society: A preliminary report. Retrieved from http://www.stanford.edu/group/siqss/Press_Release/Preliminary_Report.pdf

I agree with your point that your online friends cannot offer you physical assistance however I feel that this has little impact in real life as even with a wide circle of acquaintances in the real world there are only 2-3 people whom I could depend on for a shoulder to cry on. The rest of my real life friends are just the same as my online friends and would offer advice and sympathy but not much else. I must also point out that part of my relationship with my good real life friends is carried out online. We use the online communication to enhance our real life relationship by allowing easier communication when we are physically apart e.g at night when each of us is at home or when one of us is away on a trip.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Trina
  
  I also take advantage of Facebook and catch up with people when I’m at home. While you enhance your relationship with close friends online, some people think that it is enough to keep it online. Like in the case of Bernstein (2009). I’m not saying delete Facebook and disregard everyone who you don’t meet face to face. I’m just saying to think about people your neglecting, if you are one of those people who devotes a lot of time to online social networking sites regardless of what purpose you are using it for.
  
  Thanks Trina
  Milana
Written by PaulaB about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana, enjoyed reading your paper. Provided me with information that is good for this study unit and in general.

Your paper states:
“They no longer “hang out” with five friends but rather with 200 or more friends. As such, it is worth arguing that in today’s world, people have more friends but less (emotional) friendships”

I agree, and another reason might be that they run out of time finding the emotional real frienship that more of their time is spent with friends through Internet social neworking. This group of people are slowly isolating themselves from traditional social networking and some rather send hello through Facebook then saying hello when meeting the person in public space. Yes I was shocked it happens, according to latest research. It is just cool to be attached to Ipod or mobile and walking absobed with these tools and ignoring social obligation saying ‘Hi’ to person we know on street. Is there tendency expressing too much in cyberspace not knowing what to say in real life. How many times we see person removing themselves from people with their mobile to private corner just to check their sms, or send new one that are really not important just for the sake replying or initiating contact. I suppose we got used to to this behaviour so we take it as normal – like seeing people going to bathroom or going for smoke, now going for sms. Society accepts changes that become normalities. This is what I believe is happening, I just absolutely dislike when people scan their mobiles or do sms and not paying attention when crossing road or in walking in highly populated areas. It is physical danger not just to them but to others.

I read an interesting book on Love Online, A. Ben-Ze’ev, that compared basic relationship with online from psychological and social perspective. It is complex area that looking for love online for offline life is delicate ‘business’. Cheers and good luck with Assign 2 and 3.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Paula
  
  I agree with what you are saying. One of the friends that visits my boyfriend goes on facebook, while he is at my boyfriends house, and updates his status and writes to people etc. It just makes you think can’t you even spend half an hr with me without checking your phone. Are statuses of other people really that interesting and important that you can’t devote some time to just me. Really nice guy, a good friend but addicted to Facebook.
  
  Another case, a group of boys went four wheel driving and took pics. Those pics were on facebook within minutes. My boyfriend was one of the boys and when he got back I go to him I saw pictures, looks like you guys had fun. And he goes are they up already. Guy put them up while they were still there. Why can’t people just relax and enjoy what ever they’re doing without stressing about facebook. Maybe its his need to show people what he is doing. Who knows, I don’t understand it.
  
  Thanks for your comments Paula. Good luck with assignments too.
  
  Milana
Written by jhiroberts about 2 years ago. Reply

HI Milana,

A very interesting paper.

Not having children myself I cannot comment on the decline of children spending hours in front of the pc, in apposed to being outside and hanging out with their face to face friends.

I font your paper to be very informative and well written, the writing style was very good and made the paper easy to read.

I am a Facebook user, the main reason I use Facebook is to keep in contact with my friends who all live in a different country to myself, as I now live in Singapore.

Whist I do agree with your paper, I am still not 100% sold the idea that social networking will be the death of all over forms of socialising.

A great read.

Cheers

Jhi
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Jhi
  
  I don’t have any children either but I just look at whats happening around me. I have a 13 year old sister who is in front of the pc all the time. Not necesserily on internet but not spending much time with us either.
  
  I keep in contact with a lot of friends who live overseas as well. But they don’t make an effort to make time for me and I don’t make an effort to make time for them. We email occasionally and talk if we are online at the same time.
  
  I wasn’t arguing that social networking will kill all form of socialising. I’m arguing that it is impacting offline socialising as people are spending more and more time online. You can never kill all forms of socialising. You have to work, go to lunch meetings and other things so socialising is present at everyone’s life, every day. I just think that people are for some reason addicted to social networking that some relationships are suffering. I know people who have broken up because of facebook.
  
  Thanks for your comments Jhi. Really appreciate the time taken to review my paper
  Milana
  - Written by Hans about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hi Jhi and Milana,
    I have just been reading Mandy Burke’s paperFaebook has changed the way people communicate. ( http://networkconference.netstudies.org/2010/04/facebooks-aggregated-news-feed-has-changed-the-way-people-communicate/)
    In this paper she makes the comment that people feel he need to be able to communicate anywhere and at any time. This sounds to me that individuals feel the need for instant gratification.
    I am not sure what has given rise to this and would be interested to read your thoughts.
    
    The other aspect of this is the effect constant online communication has on our off line lives. I retired several years ago but before then I was required to have a mobile phone and be available. I was lucky, I refused to do this with no consequences. This does not do anything for a work life balance. I am a firm believer that when you close the door of your office (at whatever time)that is where work stays.
    
    Like you I get annoyed when people visit or go out to dinner and they constantly check their smart phones. This does nothing to strengthen the relationship with the people you are having dinner with.
    
    F
    - Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
      
      Hi Hans
      
      I too like to leave work at work. Is it not enough that we spend 9 hours of our day working? I’m definitely not concentrating on it when I get home as well.
      
      I have discussed that same thing about mobiles and facebook while out with people. Not sure if you read one of my comments but it was a discussion with Paula.
      
      I have read and commented on Mandy’s paper so if your interested its posted on her page.
      
      Milana
Written by Joshua Atlee about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,

I would actually agree that the age of kids hanging out on the corner somewhere playing games like hand ball etc does not happen no more, parents normally are paranoid about there kids staying outside long periods of time, or staying outside to begin with. Times have changed if you see someone in trouble noone helps no more they just mind there own business and continue on, I find society and what has happened in the world with 911 and Iraq war has turned people to stay inside more then out. But that could change from person to person, The part where a lot of time online is needed for 200+ friends there is no way on earth someone could maintain 200 or 400 like a lot of Facebook users have, Most users just click add and never really communicate between those people, Someone who would have time to communicate properly to all 200+ people would have no time in the physical world. I can personally tell you I spend most of my life at the moment online during study and everyday life but life for me is different as to my location which is rural and there is not much to do around here without driving so far, So I spend a lot of time online but I have never been much of a family, friends social type person online or offline so my social online is the same as offline with not much happening
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Joshua
  
  Your case is quite different if you were never really that social and circumstances in which you live. I spend a lot of time online studying as well. But I don’t see that as time wasted. I see it as something I have to do since I’ve decided to get an education. But let me tell you I can’t wait to finish. Two more weeks hopefully
  
  Send me a link to your paper if you would like me to read it. If I come across it I’ll read it anyway but in case I don’t.
  
  Thanks for reading my paper.
  Milana
Written by Sheila M about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,
I found your paper quite interesting to read, however there were a number of points that I couldn’t agree on:
“It is quite rare to see teenage kids play, run around, make friend and love relationships. These activities seem to have descended into the virtual world where these same teenagers today spend time socialising and playing games with friends online, some even finding love online. They no longer “hang out” with five friends but rather with 200 or more friends”.

As a mother of two teenagers, I just can’t agree with this statement. One of my daughters is in a relationship with someone she met at school, both daughters hang out with friends, go to the park, and run around! If anything, social networking sites enhance their friendships and relationships. For example, my daughter uses MSN and Facebook to chat to her boyfriend when they are not physically together. This is a lot more cost effective than lengthy phone calls are, so is more practical. She doesn’t substitute her face to face socialising – she uses it when it is not possible to socialise face to face, for example late at night. Since leaving school, many of her friends are dispersed. Instead of seeing each other at school each day they are at Uni, Tafe or in jobs, so social networking sites like Facebook provide a means of keeping their lines of communication open. I contrast this with my experiences after I left school, I lost contact with the majority of my school friends, not hearing from them for over 25 years – through Friends Reunited and Facebook of course!

Later in your paper you do quote Ellison, Steinfield, and Lampe (as cited in Boyd and Ellison, 2007) “Facebook is mostly used to maintain existing offline relationships which may be weak but typically contain some form of common interests (went to the same class or school, worked together, etc).” I agree with this view and I think it supports the point I am trying to make here – that Facebook supports offline relationships, rather than substituting them.

“As such, it is worth arguing that in today’s world, people have more friends but less (emotional) friendships.”
It is possibly true that people have more friends in today’s world, but less (emotional) friendships, but this is not necessarily due to social networking. I would argue that it is more to do with the fast pace of life today, and that people have so many other commitments (work, education, sporting, community etc) it leaves them less time to socialise. As an example, when my children were younger, I used to attend a playgroup with them, and I made some really close and supportive friendships amongst the other mums. We were able to socialise a lot together, both with and without our children, as we did not work full time, and we had a common interest (mothers of young children and babies). Now our children are grown up, most of our group are working, studying or both or have moved moved away from the area – we simply do not have the time to socialise in the way that we used to.

“Family members don’t want to meet on Facebook every few days, they want to see their family members, share their feelings, attend functions and provide and request support when needed.”

This seems to be a very generalised statement. I’m sure the majority of family members don’t want to meet on Facebook, but would prefer to see their family in person, but for a lot of families (like mine!) it is simply not possible. I have a close relationship with my aunty, I can share my feelings with her, and request support. The only thing I can’t do is attend functions with her regularly as she lives 12,000 miles away! So Facebook provides a means for us to stay in touch.

Thanks for a thought provoking paper!

Sheila
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Sheila
  
  Your statements are exact proof of what I’m trying to convey. You say that your daughter socialises with her boyfriend when she can’t physically see him, like at night. If your daughter goes to school, has to study, maybe has a part time job, sees her boyfriend and friends during the day and weekends and then socialises with them online at night, when does she have time for you and other family members. There are so many hours in the day and with so much on, something’s gotta give. Saying hi, how r u? How was your day? and spending few minutes with someone is not enough to maintain a close relationship.
  
  I’ve got a boyfriend that I occasionally socialise with online but then I sit and think, I’ve just got back from work, I’ve had to study and my family is sitting downstairs while I’m up here in front of a computer. So what I do is I tell him to msg me so I can go downstairs and spend time with my parents and sisters and talk to him at the same time. It might be more costly but I see value in different things.
  
  On the other hand, I agree with your distance socialising and support it 100%. I have connected to many people and family members that live overseas but instead of finding time for my close relationships, I wait to find time for them. Not saying they are less important, but I don’t want to lose people I can see when ever I want. Also, fast pace of life should decrease amount of time spend on the internet rather than increase it.
  
  Appreciate your comments
  Milana
Written by waisitham about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,

I do not agree with you in the part when you say that it is difficult for people to keep track of 200 friends. Because of the whole point of online communication is to communicate without actually communicating as in the same way in real-life communication. This means that while they are not actually speaking through face to face or communicating in a direct manner, they can leave shoutout or post messages on walls to one another by simply posting their feelings in social networking sites like Facebook status updates and Twitter. While the other person then can reply to these messages when they want to in their leisure time.

This allows them to be kept posted on the activities of their friends, however it can lead to weak the relationship. Perhaps they suddenly have the thought of an old friend, they can now just click on their profile and to “communicate” with them. Perhaps they now have shared a common interest that they didn’t have before.

All this can be done in your leisure time and does not detours you from your daily routine. Also, It will not have negative effect on real life friends.

It would be exaggerated to say that people would have less time to communicate with their “real” friends due to online social networks when majority of us would gladly be out with our friends than to be stuck alone at home. The feeling is just not the same.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi
  
  Thanks for your comments, I appreciate the time you’ve taken to read my paper.
  
  I’ve stated many times before that I support online socialising as long as it is reasonable. I found that people are increasing the time they spend on social networking sites, not necessarily socialising but doing other things as well, and once you increase time doing one thing, it is logical that time available for other things decreases.
  
  The way I look at it is: what would I be doing if I wasn’t doing this? If I didn’t have Facebook, I’d be probably watching a movie and usually with other member of the family, where online socialising is something you do on your own. Maybe I would even talk on the phone with somewhere where I can show more emotion than I can by typing.
  
  I’m not completely disagreeing with your view. I see where your coming from and I understand that there is different situations out there. Some people have facebook and log in every few days, while some are on there 24/7. I’m concentrating on the ones that are on there 24/7 rather than occasional users.
  
  Milana
  - Written by waisi,tham about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hi again, Milana.
    
    I do agree in certain extent that you stated once you spend the time in doing a particular thing, it will automatically reduce the available time for doing other things.
    
    Indeed, Facebook have consumed quarter of our daily routine to spend certain amount of hours to communicate with friends and acquaintances. However, in your paper is regarding about socialising with friends, if as you said that ‘not necessarily socialising but doing other things’, what do you mean by doing other things? For example?
    
    I believe only stalkers or potential stalkers would like to spend 24/7 in online social media. People who use social networking sites as the medium for communicating, they treat SNS as communication tool and will not spend the entire days in Facebook. Although we can see our friends are in Facebook proven by the online chat features, they might be away while leave the Facebook in logged in.
    - Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
      
      Hi
      
      When I say other things, I mean viewing profiles rather than communicating with people (which to me is self socialising, you’re socialising with yourself) and other things such as playing games. There are 75,469,379 monthly active users according to Facebook. Then there are other popular games like MafiaWars, Texas Hold’em, CafeWorld etc. Responses from people on how much they play games on Facebook range from anywhere to 2 to 8 hours a day. One lady even said she plans her day (including) work around when crops will be ready. Have a look at the responses on this site and you will understand why Facebook could be stealing away from our offline social life and why they might think they are socialising but in reality they are not.
      
      http://www.facebook.com/WYFF4?v=feed&story_fbid=274871446254 (it is a discussion posted on the wall so you might have to look for it)
      
      http://www.facebook.com/FarmVille?v=info
Written by Mandy Burke about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,

Your paper was very interesting and I really enjoyed reading over it!

A few things that I thought of while reading your paper:

• You mention in your introduction “It is quite rare to see teenage kids, play run around, make friends and love relationships”. I tend to disagree with this comment as I always see teenagers hanging out in shopping centres, playing sport and generally having a good time. I think if anything it is a reflection on society that children play outside less and it is due to people being more worried about what will happen to their children in the big wide world. It also made me think that if teenagers are socialising in the ‘real’ world less than where are all the photos that they are taking coming from? They are obviously out there at some point socialising to be able to document these social activities.

• You also mention that online friends “provide you with information suggestions and help” but they won’t be there for “where physical presence is required”. I completely agree that online friendships can be quite fickle. But social networking sites can also help people that were already isolated. I have just moved to a new state and do not know many people but I continue to chat with my friends and family online and I don’t feel as far away from them as I actually am. I think before social networking sites people would have felt very isolated when faced with situations where they do not know any one.

• Your information about how the age of people getting married has increased, which has in turn led to people having larger social networking sites, is really interesting. I had never heard these two factors being linked before and it makes a lot of sense!

• You might find my paper interesting, I discuss how Facebook has changed the way people communicate and how it has led to narcissistic behaviour http://networkconference.netstudies.org/2010/04/facebooks-aggregated-news-feed-has-changed-the-way-people-communicate/

Great paper!

Mandy
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Mandy
  
  Thanks very much for your comments.
  
  It was my own realisation that kids are playing less outside. The park where I used to meet with other kids is relatively empty now. Cafe’s where I used to meet with my friends when I was a teenager is not buzzing as much as it used to. But not many people will tell you they don’t have facebook if you ask them. If my 13 year old sister does. I’m not saying that face to face socialising doesn’t exist at all, i’m just saying that its fading.
  
  In regards to your second point, I agree that Facebook is great for long distance relationships. I just think that some people, not everyone, take it too far. I know one person who has more than 1000 friends and plays every possible game that exists on Facebook. I don’t see how that person can have much of a social life. And as you asked before, how come people post photos on facebook if they don’t go anywhere. This person doesn’t post them much. And there are a few people that I know that have busy “facebook’ lives.
  
  I will look at your paper. Thanks.
  Milana
Written by VickyK about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana
You raise some good points, I particularly liked your use of the word ‘decline’ in the following sentence “Face-to-face and regular communication declined to instant messaging, Facebook ‘friending’ and ‘tweeting’”. This deterioration is exactly what happens when face to face friendships are taken online at the expense of offline interactions. My paper mentions ‘diluting the quality of relationships’ which has the same significance.

I also support the comment that “spending time online, decreases time people could be spending nourishing and maintaining relationships they need for comfort and healthy emotional state”. I believe the sheer volume of ‘friends’ or weak tie connections we have in social networks is the problem – my paper talks particularly about Facebook and how the “need to spend time with those people becomes less of a priority because Facebook enables us to constantly be on the periphery of their lives, whilst giving us a degree of rationalisation for our lack of effort”. The hundreds of ‘friends’ cannot possibly substitute the real connections we should have with those closest to us, which your point “people feel less lonely the more they practice face-to-face socialising, while online socialising increases loneliness” supports. Trying to fill a void springs to mind here.

Heres the link to my paper if you are interested in similar themes to yours: http://networkconference.netstudies.org/2010/04/facebook-taking-the-social-out-of-networking/
Thanks, Vicky
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Vicky
  
  Thanks for you comments. I think I had a look at your paper but not sure if I finished reading it and commented. I definitely will do so though. Your paper sound very interesting.
  
  Milana
Written by Victoria about 2 years ago. Reply

Your research is excellent. I was surprised that facebook has so many more users than myspace. Your comment about the sentimental effects of online social networking which encourage feelings of lonliness is a broad statement and I would have like to see an example of a case study of further research supporting your comment.
I agree that sometimes online social networking can be detrimental to real life bonding and friendships. There are times when I have met with real life friends and we have wasted part of our time together checking our own facebook pages or taking pictures to upload onto facebook.
On the other hand facebook can keep you in the loop about friends whom you would like to keep in contact with but live far away from or have different scheduales. When you meet again with that person in real life you would be more intune with them and their stage in life.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Victoria
  
  I have had more references but for some reason I wasn’t allowed to use them.
  
  As I previously mentioned, its all positive as long as its within reasonable time frames. I also think that younger generations are those on whom I can see this change the most.
  
  But then if you’re already in the loop with everything thats going on, when you see a person you go to say so whats been happening with you? Oh wait I know that. I also already know you had a fight with your sister. So what happened after? Oh yes I know that too. What did you do on the weekend? I think I already know that but I’ll ask you for conversation sake.
  
  It kills a conversation a bit too. But as I said that depends on how much time you spend online.
  
  Milana
Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi everyone

Reference list is updated. Sorry it took so long, juggling 4 subjects at the same time, trying to read and comment on some articles and reply to my comments. I appologise to everyone if it takes a bit longer to reply, I am getting there and I appreciate time all of you have taken to read and comment on my paper.

Milana
Written by Michael N about 2 years ago. Reply

First, what an outstanding high quality paper. The strengths are the use of literature to back up the arguement and the fact you argued heavily for a point and kept that going. Do you have a reference list, it would have been good to have seen where you obtained all this information.

The paper evokes a bit of emotion because I have wondered how much the term ‘friend’ has evolved over the past ten years. It seems that it is expected that virtual friends are indeed to some real friends. That may depend on age and attitudes towards what is friendship, yet I feel that it is frowned upon if you choose not to view SNS friends as friends. Weak ties are good, as other papers point out. However, the virtual friend often has no emotional connection. That is what I believe personally. Yet it seems that another aspect is that friends are disposable. To me a friend is not.

However, we have always had spaces where we see friends who are strong and weak. The pub is the biggest example; we may regard them as friends but we only see them there yet some others we will go to other places with. I am also a believer that friendships never have a use by date, but obviously we would have a weak tie when we saw someone from school as compared to the physical place we are at now. So to dispose of friends to me is, well they were not in the first place.

I think this news story sums it up well when one of the academics says something which reflects the sadness of this new way of having friendships:

“If you only have 10 ‘friends’ then they are probably your best friends, whereas if you have 1000 ‘friends’ then clearly a lot of them are inconsequential,” he said. (Emerson, 2008)

Thanks for the paper, but a reference list please.

Emerson, D. (2008). Facebook friends not real friends: judge. The Sydney Morning Herald, Retrieved May 2, 2010 from http://www.smh.com.au/news/technology/facebook-friends-not-real-friends-judge/2008/03/27/1206207279597.html
- Written by Hans about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Michael,
  It is interesting that you raise the question of the current definition of “friend” and I would add also that the noun has now become a verb. I will let the dictionary types argue the rights and wrongs of this and how it may or may not be proper English.
  
  danah boyd in Friends, Friendsters and Top 8: Writing community into being on social network sites discusses this in the section on the Meaning of Friendship.
  She points out that in the vernacular “a friend is a relationship that involves some degree of mutual love or admiration” (boyd, 2006). And this is something that I certainly believe. I also believe that on-line friends can fulfill that condition.
  
  If we really think about it I suspect that we have been classifying friends well before the advent of Social Media sites. It is only because now everybody can see what we are doing that the issue has come to the forefront.
  
  It is certainly a shame that these sites do not have a classification other than friend. I wonder how we would classify people on our “friends” list if the classifications were for example, Friends, family, acquantances, people I know of and people I don’t know, but they have “friended me”.
  
  Food for thought
  
  boyd, d. (2006). Friends,Friendsters and Top 8: Writing community into being on social network sites. . First Monday, 11(12). Retrieved from http://firstmonday.org/htbin/cgiwrap/bin/ojs/index.php/fm/article/view/1418/1336
  - Written by Michael N about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Spot on Hans, I think the culture has shaped it from noun to verb. My view that friendship has been devalued is only my view but as the papers have pointed out, there has been a large shift in viewing the friend in the same characteristics as previous. It seems to have become almost a classification system. It is not right or wrong it just goes against my beliefs, but at the same time whilst people on chat lines may not be friends there can be a closeness. I guess it is up to the individual and yes Facebook and other SNS throw around the term friend when they could use other terms, but perhaps they want to continue this illusion of friendship when it clearly isn’t.
    - Written by Hans about 2 years ago. Reply
      
      Michael, like you I value my friendships and do my best not to cheapen them by only relying on social networking messages.
      I agree with you that there is a closeness with those we share chats with. It may not be friendship in the true definition, but it is more than a casual acquaintance. In chatting we share a little of our personalities and opinions, it is then up to both parties to form their own ideas of whether there is a connection or not.
      I am sure that the definition of friends and friendship will give sociologists many opportunities to study and pen more academic writings.
      - Written by Michael N about 2 years ago. Reply
        
        I do agree but also there is no doubt this attitude is changing. Certainly this paper shows evidence of the negative consequences of this change of view of ‘friend’. There are other papers in this and another stream that back this up. Again one could be accussed of being old fashioned because in my twenties I did have friends where the bond was weak, but this SNS thing is just different because to me the atttitude is we are friends but do not back that up with anything other than Facebook posts. Sure we all do that to some people, plan to meet and don’t etc but again this has just bred an attitude that friends are disposible, that is what I view it as.
        
        Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
        
        Hi Michael and Hans
        
        Love your little conversation. Wish I could of ‘butt’ in a little sooner. When I was doing this paper I really straggled to find a proper definition that could describe a friend in the way that I saw my friends. I also found it hard to define online friendships. Sometimes even found it hard to distinguish between the two in some of the definitions I found. Maybe it has to do with being old fashioned but I’m glad that I see it that way, even though Im only 24 and grew up in the modernised world.
        
        I don’t thinks its only got to do with spending time chatting to your acquaintances. People spend a lot of their time on Facebook doing other stuff as well, like playing games. And I think the combination of the two are what’s concerning me. It’s the total time spend on there when you could have spend it with someone else.
        
        Milana
Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Jordan

I was born overseas and have heaps of family and friends that were left behind as well and as I said before, Facebook is God send to stay in touch and be able to see these people easier. But yes being impersonal was one of my points in the paper and with some people I know that I’m on that list to make up numbers.

In relation to your questions I think that extensive online socialising can have an impact in social interaction in real world. It is easier to say what you think and talk to people about anything when you don’t see their face but once you start meeting people face to face they might find it difficult to interact with people, talk to people facing them in person etc. Not sure about population decreasing but I have known people breaking up or getting a divorce because of Facebook and people finding someone else on the internet. I mean if you’ve got kids and don’t have time to go out you are more than likely to talk to people on the internet while the kids and husband/wife are sleeping and then you find someone who you think you can talk to as your think that your husband/wife doesn’t understand you and what happens next everyone knows. I’ve know people like this as well so it does happen.

Thanks for reading my paper and commenting Jordan. If you want me to do the same please send me the link and I will.

Milana
Written by Hans about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,

Your paper is very similar to the approach I took with “Size is important: Is there an optimal size for online communities” (http://networkconference.netstudies.org/2010/04/size-is-important-is-there-an-optimal-size-for-online-communities/)
In that paper I examined the work of anthropologist Robin Dunbar, who suggested that there are only a certain number of people with whom an individual can maintain a meaningful relationship. This number he put at 150. This is broadly in line with the 200 number that you use within your paper.

But the more interesting aspect of Dunbar’s work is the fact that he recognizes that our friendships are in layers, starting with a small inner circle of intimate relationships and widening out to a circle of acquaintances.

You make the point that online friends are “not likely to provide help and support when needed”. I would argue the opposite. As Howard Rheingold described in chapter 1 of The Virtual Community He was able to get medical advice from a doctor member of the WELL at eleven in the evening (Rheingold, 1993). I would argue that this type of assistance would not be readily available from a person’s off line ties. I do acknowledge that if a physical presence is required this may be more difficult with on-line only friends. My point is that a person’s weaker relationships complement strong intimate ties rather than replace .

Rheingold, H. (1993). The Heart of the WELL The Virtual Community. Retrieved from http://www.rheingold.com/vc/book/1.html
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Hans
  
  I don’t believe that person’s weaker relationships replace strong intimate ties. I think that people are replacing their strong intimate ties with their weak relationships not even realising they are doing so.
  
  Let take an example of loosing a pet. You feel miserable and need someone to be there with you, talk to you, cry with you if the need be. How many of your online friends, unless they are your best friend but you have them in the friend list, would jump in the car and provide all that to you. And after a while, if you neglect your close ties, they will get sick of it and neglect you when you need something so basically you’ll be sitting in the room, crying over your pet alone.
  
  I had a friend who had few personal problems and I spoke to her on the phone, because I couldn’t get to her at that time, about it and everything but she hasn’t really calmed down and dealt with it until I went over there and gave her my real sympathy that she could see.
  
  Milana
Written by RosannaCandler about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi again Milana

I came from the link you gave me, only to realise I have read and commented already! However because I remarked previously only on the way we make friends, I’ve read over it again to comment on issues you brought up with my paper

Thinking about the importance of physicality in communication, it is obvious that complexities of meaning and understanding are visually presented. Not only do you have tone of voice, but also facial expression, hand signals (I constantly gesticulate with my hands), and even body language. I am reminded of this silly article I read in Cosmo (or an equally trashy publication) which said if you show the palms of your hands and touch your neck a man can tell you are romantically interested. I don’t know exactly how sensible or effective that tip is, but it definitely attests to how much importance we place on the subtlety of physical cues- which we are missing online.

How interesting that Bernstein (2009) found that people were too busy to communicate and socialise through phone calls or even email but not busy enough to “spend on social networking websites uploading photos, forwarding quizzes and other activities”. It’s a brilliant point which I think further discredits social network sites. These people are on Facebook, but they aren’t *really* socialising! They’re occupied with games and posting photos. The 80 million Farmville users (Hameed, 2010) surely proves this: people are spending hours on Facebook under the false self-belief that they are being social, when in actual fact they are ‘playing with themselves’ (I couldn’t help it, I just love the metaphor!)

Hameed, B. (2010) Farmville about to Cruise Past 80 Million users, February 18th 2010 http://www.allfacebook.com/2010/02/farmville-about-to-cruise-past-80-million-users/ Retrieved 2nd May 2010
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hahhahaha love your last comment, you’re a classic.
  
  Milana
Written by Zohara Ibrahim about 2 years ago. Reply

According to your topic, How many “friends” do you have?, its really interesting topic for me. I do understand it depends on people how many friends they can handle and talk with. According to your point ” to develop and maintain any kind of a relationship with this many people, 200 friend average, a person would have to spend a lot of time online which would reduce time spent with offline networks with whom they already have strong bonds with and who can provide them with scarce resources and emotional support”. I disagree, NOT all people can have time to talk with their real friends through facebook, because some of friends they prefer to meet and talk in real person. facebook is just a hobby and just want to use what other people use. anyway, i agree, facebook is good for you to connect real friends who live overseas.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Zohara
  
  What I meant in that sentence is exactly what you said. To be able to maintain any kind of a relationship with 200 people people would have to spend a lot of time on facebook and obviously not have as much time for their offline friends. I didn’t mean that they talk to just their real friends online, I meant all of their 200 friends. Sorry maybe that sentence is a bit confusing.
  
  Milana
Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Stevie

I have mentioned in my report that there are positive sides to online socialising but that depends on the degree people are involved. You might be one person who has 100 friends and know them personally and keep in touch with them regularly. But there are also many who have 200+ friends and don’t know half of them. I know this because I am one of them. Why? I’m not really sure. At one point I was adding people in hope to meet more friends. While very few of them I met in person, I realised that I was just one person out of hundred in their contact list and many of those “friendships” have not moved further from adding them, maybe poking them and a few “hi, how you going” attempts. Other contacts are just people who I’ve met at some point in life (school, work etc), but who, once this regular contact ended, are not emotionally attached to my life so I couldn’t count on them as I could on a real “friend”. I also know for a fact that if I changed my offline relationships into online relationships I would not have one real friend. They expect me to visit them at least once a week and if you have, for example 4-5 really close friends, that is already 4-5 days in your week gone. Not to mention time you have to leave aside for you family and other commitments. So it might be viable to argue that internet increases your social life with number of friends you’ve got but my main concern in this report is the quality of friendships and replacing emotional friends with number of virtual friends that you can’t always count on.

I’m not disregarding any of your arguments but am pointing out that there is research available opposing your view which I agree to more. For example, Ronca (2010) states that experts claim that lack of face- to-face communication can affect a person both socially and physically. And as I pointed out earlier, online socialising does create many opportunities and has benefits, its the time spent on there that wipes out those benefits and turn them into obsessiveness creating more friends but less friendships. I personally find that many people I know settle for Facebook conversation and less frequent face to face socialising.

Thanks for your feedback

Milana
Written by Andrew Pettigrew about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,
Having a quick look at your paper, Facebook numbers have doubled since 2009, there is now over 400 million users on the site with 9 million in Australia (Facebook, 2010; NeilsenWire, 2010).

Very true, actions do speak louder than words and hugs are universally stronger than e-mailed condolences. I agree that adolescents do fill in time in the virtual malls of Facebook and MySpace, however I guess it’s somewhat better than hanging out at the servo or the Seven-Eleven. I am not saying that FB is great babysitter, but rather we need more quality off-line pursuits that improves face-to-face communications, includes exercise and endears friendships. (If you know of an offline replacement let me know, I’ve got 4 kids under 14 addicted to FB)

You write, “To develop and maintain any kind of a relationship with this many people, 200 friend average,” could you provide the reference listings for this quote please. Additionally could you also provide the reference details for all your quotes that would normally reside at the bottom of your essay, I’d like to read some of papers behind your findings.

The aim of your paper was to argue a particular point of view. I understand the various points of view that you presented, with arguments of both for and against social networking, however your paper appears to be fence sitting somewhat. It was towards the end of your paper that you start to argue the point, that quantity does not equal quality and more friends does not equal more friendship.

The excellent statement “Both arguments are logical and can be correct at the same time, depending on how much each individual spends time on online socialising” gave you the perfect opportunity to really argue the point. This is a great idea! i.e. both schools of thought are correct, saying it’s just a matter of time spent online that’s the influencing factor is a great idea. However I would have continued to argue this point a lot stronger and harder and this would have further supported your original argument i.e. “The paper looks at why people spend more time trying to create and maintain online friendships with no emotional connection while disregarding real friendships as well as impact “friends” (virtual contacts) have on “friendships” (emotional contacts).”

Hope this feedback helps, good paper, but would have argued the point a little stronger.

Facebook. (2010). Facebook Statisitcs. Facebook.com Retrieved March 25, 2010, from http://www.facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics

NeilsenWire. (2010). Australia Getting More Social Online as Facebook Leads and Twitter Grows. The Neilsen Company. Retrieved March 20, 2010, from http://blog.nielsen.com/nielsenwire/global/australia-getting-more-social-online-as-facebook-leads-and-twitter-grows/
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Andrew
  
  Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate the effort you’ve taken to read my paper. That goes for everybody else. Just so I don’t keep repeating myself and sound like a broken record hahha
  
  I can see why you would say that being online for kids is better than hanging out at the servo. However, as I’ve mentioned in someones paper, I’ve seen explicit and inappropriate pictures of young girls and women (that they’ve posted themselves online) so its hard to argue what is the best and safest environment for adolescents or anyone for that matter. I haven’t even touched on the topic of safety but I can assume that pedophilia occurs on social networking sites as well (will research this a bit more I think) so unless you can track every move your child makes I wouldn’t be able to argue that spending time on Facebook is better than on the servo since you don’t really know what they do on there, talk about or with whom for that matter. However, my argument developed through a personal observation. When I was 14-15 (and onwards), my friends and I used to meet up in parks and socialise. Today, when I drive next to that same park there are not many people socialising anymore. But when I get home and log into Facebook my chat is full of people it extends beyond the size of the screen. Benefits of face to face communication are outlines in my report, but as you said includes developing communication skills, exercise etc.
  
  “To develop and maintain any kind of a relationship with this many people, 200 friend average,” – this statement was a logical expression with a 200 friend average being a fact. If you have 200 friends on Facebook, can you truly socialise with all of them on regular basis to maintain any kind of friendship and not just say he or she is someone I know. Yet people spend a lot of time on Facebook (and other sites) and I just can’t see how with work, school, or what ever their occupation might be, people would have enough time maintaining those friendships without abandoning their “emotional” friends.
  
  I agree I have bitten off more than I could chew. I wanted to discuss so many things and I was over the limit and didn’t want to delete any points as they were vital for my argument so I couldn’t elaborate on all of them as much. I will add my reference list in the next few days. I submitted my paper without looking what other have done, and for some reason didn’t think we needed the reference list on the conference site, just on the paper submitted on blackboard.
  
  Milana
- Written by Hans about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Andrew
  Whilst researching to back up a comment on another paper I came across this comment from Pew Internet & American Life project.
  “Internet use does not pull people away from public places. Rather, it is associated with
  engagement in places such as parks, cafes, and restaurants, the kinds of locales where
  research shows that people are likely to encounter a wider array of people and diverse
  points of view. Indeed, internet access has become a common component of people’s
  experiences within many public spaces. For instance, of those Americans who have been
  in a library within the past month, 38% logged on to the internet while they were there,
  18% have done so in a café or coffee shop.”(http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2009/18–Social-Isolation-and-New-Technology.aspx).
  I do acknowledge that they say that people logged in at a library or cafe, but I would contend that fresh air is at least a start and that by being in a public place some face to face interaction is possible.
  Food for thought
  
  I would ac
  - Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hi Hans
    
    I do agree with part of what you said. I think online socialising can have great benefits but it depends on how much time people spend on it and for what purpose. I also found, looking at people around me, that a lot of time is wasted at work looking at facebook and other socialising sites. I supposed it depends on the person and their perspective on what’s important in their life. I used to be a lot on facebook as well thinking im socialising but then i realised I haven’t seen my cousin in a month. I just didn’t have time with work and uni but I managed to find time to catch up with my “friends” online.
    
    Milana
Written by Stevie Marshall about 2 years ago. Reply

Interesting paper.

Whilst it may be true that using online relationships to replace real world ones is unlikely to lead to positive results, I think online relationships tend to be used to augment offline ones. This PEW survey (Horrigan, 2000) would suggest this has been the case since the beginnings of online community.

I’d say Facebook tends to be the perfect example of this. Ellison et al (2007) would suggest that intensive users of Facebook in a College environment tended to be have better real world social lives.

My family uses Facebook to stay in touch, but we still meet in real life as often as ever. Facebook is used in between to fill in the gaps.

I have many real life friends who I would never have gotten in touch with again had it not been for Facebook. Sure relationships aren’t the same as they once were, but just knowing they are still alive is comforting.

And then I have a host of friends I made online that I have since met in real life, a few have even become quite close. I know of people who have been forced to move city and had a ready made real life social group waiting for them thanks to their participation in a virtual community.

I think the Internet increases our social capital, and improves rather than detracts from our real life relationships.

Whilst I may have 100 and something friends on Facebook, they all represent people I know. The majority are one time acceptances, whether it be through an online or real-life venue. Some are family and some are people I was once quite close with and maybe a dozen are currently real friendships.

About the same number of real friends I’ve had at any time. Facebook allows me to keep better track of those who lie on the periphery.

Ellison, N. B., Steinfield, C., & Lampe, C. (2007). The benefits of Facebook “friends:” Social capital and college students’ use of online social network sites. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 12(4), article 1. Retrieved March 2010 from: http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol12/issue4/ellison.html

Horrigan, J (2001, October) Online Communities. Pew Internet and American Life Project. Retrieved March 2010 from: http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2001/Online-Communities.aspx?r=1
Written by craigj about 2 years ago. Reply

Hey Milana,

I also found when writing my paper that users’ time also increased on social networking sites.

Your paper also raises some questions about people who spend more time on social networks, the less time they have for other activities. This is what I gathered from this sentence in your paper:

“Taking an average working (9am-5pm) person or a school student, as an example, shows that if a person spends most of his or her time at work, or at school, and then socialises on internet for long periods of time, when would they have the same amount of time to spend with family and friends as opposed to if they didn’t have the internet. Time spent on online social networking has increased by 82% from last year (Ries, 2010)”.

The main point in my paper is that social networks are sucking more time away from users.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Craig
  
  Could you post a link to your paper. I’m interested in reading papers that are close to my view.
  
  Cheers
  Milana
Written by HeidiN about 2 years ago. Reply

Hi Milana,
I enjoyed reading your paper as you raised some very valid points which touched me personally. I have a small circle of friends whom will only communicate through Facebook on their Blackberries, so every time there is an invite for a social event or outing, I’m the last to know!
I’m not fond of Facebook and prefer them to contact me on my mobile or send me an email as I feel the whole Facebook thing is too impersonal and public. The friends I have in real life, I contact through email and messenger. The friends/contacts I have made online previously, I have never heard from again, so from personal experience I do believe that real “emotional friendships” can only be made through real life situations.
HeidiN
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Heidi
  
  Thanks for reading my paper. I also agree that online socialising is not as personal as offline socialising, unless it is the only means of socialising. I like going out and spending time with family and friends in person, having a drink and catching up. I feel more involved and connected to them as well as enjoyment of spending time with someone who truly cares about what I did on the weekend and what I had for lunch.
  
  If you’d like me to comment on your paper send me a link just in case I don’t come across it myself.
  
  Have a great day
  Milana
  - Written by HeidiN about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hi again,
    Sorry for the delayed response, been so busy!
    I hope you get the chance to read my paper, here’s a link: http://networkconference.netstudies.org/2010/04/“pointing-the-finger-at-facebook-and-myspace-–-are-the-platforms-of-these-sites-to-blame”/
    
    cheers
    HeidiN
Written by WendyL about 2 years ago. Reply

Thanks for your paper.
You have raised a valid argument in regards to losing the sense of ‘friendship’ in place of ‘friends’ whilst on-line. I have a relative that has over 1000 “friends” and they take alot of pride in letting people know of that figure. This figure I do believe is not common (as you mentioned the average friend numbers is 200).
However I do believe that off-line friendships are not lost because of Social Networking sites. Research suggests that alot more time is being spent communicating and socializing with friends on-line and thus strengthens relationships. (Carter 2005).
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Wendy
  
  I didn’t specifically mean lost, more weakened. There are few references in my paper that support that view. I also don’t believe that online socialising strengthens relationships, to some extant maybe maintains them (if the existing relationship is very strong) but if you look at the motivations behind why people are socialising on line so much you will see that its not necessarily to strengthen relationships so its the time that is wasted behind those motivations that my paper is concerned with. Time taken away from nourishing emotional connected contacts over time spent with contacts that are not emotionally connected to your life and time spend on other activities offered by social networking sites. I personally would not be happy if my family and friends decreased the time spent with me to be on Facebook. I read something that really appealed to me in one of the papers: You poke, add, skim newsfeeds, press “like”, become a fan and few hours go by. “As you log out and close the window, consider this: You’ve just been socializing with yourself” (Rosanna Marie Candler’s paper).
  
  Appreciate your feedback Wendy. I think I’ve already commented on your paper .
  Milana
Written by janette about 2 years ago. Reply

Your paper provoked many thoughts.

I agree that people are meeting online more now and that the piazza is quasi empty but I also think that it depends when and where you are looking – there are still people out there gathering and as you state, online socialising helps maintain off-line relationships, especially those who live at a distance.

One of the reasons touted for the growth in online social networking was the move from downtown to the suburbs and the difficulty for teenagers without independent travel means to meet their friends. Are people moving back downtown or are the suburbs developing into satellite hubs with their own downtowns?

Then there is the issue of teenagers not being welcome in the malls because they are noisy, disruptive and sometimes shoplift They need to meet somewhere so they go online.

I also believe that anonymity can sometimes provide excellent emotional support and guidance. A person with a particular problem might not want to tell those closest to them but may find assistance and understanding from a virtual friend who will guide them to through the problem. Of course, this may not be an ongoing relationship, but vital all the same.

I read where there are online communities where people meet for particular needs that cannot be met by their phsyical friends; for example, people who have sick child or people who lose a spouse. These people want to harrass their relations ad nauseum so they find support and understanding and patience with people in online communities who are experiencing the same thing and so understand and are supportive.

It seems that when new technologies are introduced we are excited about being involved and max it out, but often as time goes on, we adjust the technologies to our own needs. I have known people who had hundreds of friends when they first registered for online networking, but have since removed all but the important ones, family and friends, people they socialise with offline, or people they have met in some situation or other and may see again sometime in the future.

I agree that many people who are isolated for whatever reason, find comfort in online friends. I read where a person with a disability loved the online environment because he was treated the same as everyone else – so different to his physical life.

I watched the very interesting video titled: “How many friends does one person need” by Robin Dubar. The video was referenced by HansD in his paper titled: “Size in important: is there an optimal size for onine communities?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lPH-qqKHfI

Dubar’s comments about touch are most interesting.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Janette
  
  I’m not saying that people are not meeting in public places anymore, I’ve just noticed that there are less teenagers, kids and young adults socialising outside, especially after school like it once used to happen. I think I’ve explained this point somewhere in the other posts above yours so I’m not gonna go into too much detail.
  
  I also understand people with special requirements and different emotional state but if you really think about it these people are hiding behind the screen so as much as it might provide comfort at that time while they’re talking to people, wouldn’t you feel alone? I wouldn’t want to hide and pretend I’m someone I’m not. People should be treated equally regardless of their health or emotional situation. This may sound a bit harsh but I do understand that this happens, my point is it shouldn’t and people shouldn’t have to hide behind a screen to feel “normal” what ever that might be in individuals mind.
  
  Thanks for your comments, I appreciate your view.
  
  Milana
  - Written by janette about 2 years ago. Reply
    
    Hello Milana,
    
    I seem to go from work to home and never really notice kids hanging out so much. I do live next to a sporting park so there is always training going on over there but that may be organised training. I will be more aware in future.
    
    I agree that people with special needs are probably hiding behind screens so that they can interact with others without any stigma attached and so that they are treated as ‘normal’ at least for a while. They probably do feel alone but they may be treated better from behind the screen in the online world than in physical world.
    
    Maybe being part of an online community will help them work through their issues and gain the courage to come out from behind the screens and be in the physical world regardless of the hurt they might receive from those who know no better.
    
    I agree with you that all people should be treated equally regardless of their health or emotional situation but often in reality this is not the case. I can understand why someone who is victimised might prefer to be alone physically while enjoying an intellectual and emotional ‘life’ online.
    
    Regards
    janette
    - Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
      
      I don’t think that being part of online community would help them work through issues to make it easier for them in the real world. I think, after a while, they would just give up and be in the world that makes them “happy”. However, no one can be happy relaying on online friendships without having someone to have a coffee with. I know that I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t have a life outside facebook and had to hide who I am in order to be accepted. I would feel very lonely.
      
      I found an interesting article about a disabled person who loves online socialising for the same reasons you outlined..but then if you read further down I don’t think it completes her and there is always that thought of being social and accepted for who she really is. So I think that she is not working through her issues, she is just hiding behind them and her hidden identity..its all very sad
      
      http://www.disaboomlive.com/blogs/left_thumb_blogger/archive/2008/01/18/social-networking-including-or-excluding-people-with-disabilities.aspx
      
      Milana
      - Written by janette about 2 years ago. Reply
        
        I do agree with you and it is very sad indeed that we live in a world where not everyone feels accepted or welcomed because of who they are.
        Some people have a seemingly unfair burden to carry through life often make more difficult because of the prejudices of others.
        
        Having online friendships is certainly one outlet but it is not enough to make a person feel accepted and worthy. It is surely a way to discuss and learn and know you are not alone in your isolation.
        
        The gift of touch is so important. I hope we can all work on making our world open and accepting to everyone regardless of who they are or what they look like.
        
        Robin Dunbar talks about touch in his: How many friends does one person need:
        http://fora.tv/2010/02/18/Robin_Dunbar_How_Many_Friends_Does_One_Person_Need
        
        This was a reference I picked up in another paper.
Written by karinaMP about 2 years ago. Reply

It’s true. Sometime we feel amazed to see numbers of people shown in our Facebook friend list. We didn’t realized that we know all that people and being “friends” with them. But many of our friends are people we know in real life. When joining social network sites (SNSs), people are not intend to make a new community (boyd&Ellison, 2007). Their friends come from their real life community. From elementary classmate to people they met one time in a party.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  That is true Karina. Many of our Facebook friends are our offline friends. My concern is that these offline friends are turning into online friends. I’ve noticed changes with certain people and while I support the fact that for distant communications Facebook is great, the best invention ever, I think that people are getting “addicted” and moving their offline friends into online friends.
  
  Milana
Written by RosannaCandler about 2 years ago. Reply

I really enjoyed reading your paper, thank you!

What I find really fascinating is that people talk about ‘friending’ people now, as though all that is needed to generate a friendship is a two-second ‘accept request’. This is something I explored in my paper also. Before Facebook, the word ‘friend’ wasn’t used so lightly- you had to develop a relationship and mutually consider one another friends. I think this is also happening with dating and relationships on Facebook. I have a good friend who went on one date with a girl, only to log on to Facebook the next day to find she had set up “X is in a relationship with…” for him to approve.

I think this sort of behaviour is a sad indication of our collective need to classify things at a more rapid (and ultimately less consequential) rate. Facebook asks us to define our identity in every other way (age, gender, orientation, school), so it’s been a fluid progression to harriedly labelling interpersonal links. Just as having 500+ friends for example, Boyd and Ellison (2007) tell us “public display of connections” is a major factor. It’s all for show, all for this outer projection of our identity. We’re short-changing ourselves when we’re unable to tell the difference between a meaningful, valuable friendship and a ‘friendship’ we made by clicking and receiving a Facebook friend request.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Rosanna
  
  I agree, the word friend is used lightly and no longer represents emotional relationship with a person. Hey I’ve got more than 200 “friends” so I should consider myself lucky. But guess what I speak to maybe 5% of them on regular basis and some of them are my best friends that I see at least once a week which I could do without Facebook as well. While it is great to catch up with the rest of them, Facebook should be left to exactly that – catch ups. I just think that real friendship requires work and nourishment, just like marriage and family relationships, which takes time and effort.
  
  Thanks for both of your comments.
  
  Milana
Written by li ying about 2 years ago. Reply

I am an international student and I rely on Facebook to communicate with my friends back home. I don’t know what can I do besides going onto Facebook if; I want to talk to them. Pictures, videos and shared links from their profile actually tells me what they are doing while status updates give me clues about their thoughts.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  Hi Li
  
  I totally support Facebook for distant relationships. I’ve got family and friends that live overseas and I love being able to talk to them, look at their photos etc. My concern is on addiction to other activities as well and abandoning of offline relationships.
  
  Thanks
  Milana
Written by Keith Law about 2 years ago. Reply

An interesting perspective. In even in my real world I have many acquaintances who I interact with but would never call friends. Friends are where the is some form of emotional connect while an acquaintance lacks this emotion. I must admit I don’t feel any connect with my Internet acquaintances and certainly have no on-line friends.

It may have been different in my youth where my sense of self was less developed and I longed to be part of the pack. Thankfully that is long in past.
- Written by MilanaK about 2 years ago. Reply
  
  I agree with that Keith. I have many acquaintances as well but only few real friends and I try to keep them alive offline because they would “boot” me out if I take them online…and I wouldn’t blame them.
  
  Appreciate your comments. Have a great day.
  
  Milana
Written by Jordannaepp about 2 years ago. Reply

I totally agree that most relationships online lack alot of essence or validity, unlike offline friendships. But I also think that there are many success stories as well.
I myself use Facebook mostly to communicate with my friends and family overseas, Ive been away from them for almost 10 years now and feel that my relationships with them have flourished due to social networking. When i first left to live in Australia Facebook didnt exist and hardly anyone I knew used email; it was very hard to reach someone on the phone due to different time zones, and often quite expensive.
But with social networking I can keep up to date with their lives, see photos of my new nephew and share my own personal experiences.
That said, I do get quite annoyed when I get a friend request with no personal message. I agree that online interaction should not coincide with a decline in basic hospitality. Not leaving a message says to me that the request is merely a ploy to get a higher friend count, hardly a compliment to a friendship.
Do you think that the increase of online interpersonal development in adolescents greatly affects their ability to socially interact in the real world? Will it affect how they perform at a job interview? Or will the global population decrease as they spend less and less time going out and meeting possible mates?

It will be interesting to reflect on this subject in a few years time, once the web 2.0 generation enters adulthood.